I want so bad to breathe a sigh of relief at the fact that he’s giving me a little more time and not just evicting me now, but I need to appear strong in front of him.
“I understand, and I will work harder to get your money by then,” I reply.
This seems to appease him.
“See that you do,” he barks at me.
I unlock the door and let him out. Once he’s gone, I lock it firmly, then go back to the kitchen. I can’t fall apart now, as I have tough work to do.
I’m just glad I was able to get him to leave before customers come in and see him. If that had happened, I would have been so embarrassed.
I try to focus on work again and regain my happiness, but I can’t. My mood is gone. Maybe he’s right and all this work is futile. I’m starting to think I’m wasting my time.
I start to feel better about myself and my work as I help the customers throughout the day.
Without realizing it, I feel myself being cheered up by how much they like my baked goods and how happy they are to be here in my bakery.
No matter how many compliments I receive, though, I can’t help fearing that it will all fall apart soon, and I will disappoint everyone, including myself.
Chapter 2
Jocelyn
After a long day of work, I’m glad to be home. I am tired, physically, mentally and emotionally. Technically, it is my Aunt Barbara’s house, but I don’t mind, and neither does she. We get along well, and she adores Maxim. I have been living here since I was pregnant with him.
I unlock the door and find the two of them sitting in the living room. She looks tired as well, and is trying to calm a squirming Maxim.
“Hello,” I announce loudly from the door.
She looks at me with both surprise and relief. Then she picks up the still squirming Maxim and walks over to me. Maxim squeals with delight and reaches for me.
“Hi. How was work?” my aunt asks me, as she passes Maxim to me.
I put the house key in my purse and take him from her. He wraps his arms around me and pulls on my hair.
“Hi, baby boy. It was ok, I guess,” I say to her.
I really don’t want to go into detail about everything that happened.
“Aww, I’m sorry to hear it was only ok,” she replies.
I shrug. Then Maxim touches my face, wanting attention. We both turn to look at him.
“How was he today?” I ask my aunt.
She lets put a tired sigh.
“Well, he’s been fussy and clingy. I got him to eat and stuff, but I couldn’t get him down for a nap, and he wouldn’t play with his toys. We spent the last hour trying to watch TV, but he didn’t like it,” she replies, sounding tired.
“I’m glad I’m home then,” I say.
She nods in agreement.
“Me too. I’m going to take a bath and a break from the little cutie. No offense,” she replies.
I chuckle at her words.
“Trust me, I completely understand,” I reply.
Before she walks away, I say, “Um, Aunt Barbara, thank you once again for watching him. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
She smiles kindly at me and replies, “It’s no problem, dear. Even when he’s fussy, he is still so adorable, and I love spending time with him.”
I smile at her words and then at Maxim. What she says next takes me by surprise.
“Jocelyn, if it’s any consolation, I think what my sister did is just wrong. They had no right to talk to you like that or treat you that way.”
I’m so surprised by what she said that all I can do is blush and say, “Thank you.”
Aunt Barbara smiles and goes to take her bath. Meanwhile, I take Maxim to our room and lay down with him. I ask him how his day was, and if he’s tired, because he looks like it and it doesn’t sound like he slept much with Aunt Barbara.
He smiles and coos at me and I lay down with him to nurse him. I spend a lot of time talking to him and cradling him while he nurses. Aunt Barbara is right; he might be a handful, but he is absolutely gorgeous.
After a few moments of nursing, I notice that Maxim is quiet. I look down at him and shake my head in wonder. I guess that was all he needed, because now he’s fast asleep.
I detach him from me, and close up my blouse. Then I look at him lying beside me. When he’s asleep, he looks like an angel. I check to make sure he is ok, then stare up at the ceiling.
Even though I’m tired from today, I can’t sleep. I let my thoughts wander about how I got to this point in my life and wonder what I am going to do from here. I usually don’t like to think about this, but sometimes you can’t stop your mind from going down these tracks, or, in my case, sometimes getting stuck on the same track over and over.