Proof of how little I’d actually been cared for. Loved.
And I was done with that, dammit.
Right now was the perfect time to be a little bit reckless. When else would I find myself trapped in a house with a sexy geek that knew what a hot mess I was and wanted me anyway? I could clean myself up, spend a few hours pampering myself and then, seduce Cal.
I looked up at the clear blue sky, basically a sign that this couldn’t go wrong. It wouldn’t. Mama always said a man would take what was being offered, so I’d make him an offer he couldn’t resist.
I would make myself irresistible.
It took some time to get ready since I didn’t exactly know what I was getting ready for. A long hot bath and two of Cal’s disposable razors later and my nerves had started to return. My hands were shaky and there was a deep uneasiness in my gut that made me queasy. The heat of the bath had started to fade, leaving shivers in its place.
Twenty minutes of scouring every nook and cranny, every bag, every compartment and free space in my guest room, not to mention the other bathroom cabinets in the house, and I found a bottle with two Vicodin. I’d never taken it before, but it was a pain killer and that was just what I was looking for.
“Perfect!”
Now that I was fixed up right, it was time to finish off the look. Then I’d go in search of the man who would get the honor of my virginity, if there was even any honor in that anymore. Still, I found something red and lacy and barely there, feeing pain-free, guilt-free for now and loose limbed.
I was ready.
As ready as I would ever be.
Now it was time to find Calvin.
A glass of wine would have done nicely, but it would only make Cal suspicious of what else I might be taking. So instead of going left to the kitchen and wine cooler, I turned right at the bottom of the stairs. After a big deep breath, I stepped forward, one foot in front of the other until I stood in the middle of the sunny living room staring at a bank of all black monitors.
Not here.
I found Cal with his eyes glued to a bank of monitors. I tapped on the doorframe to get his attention, my heart pounding so loudly I could barely hear my footsteps on the tile floor. “Hey.”
Cal looked up with a smile. “Hey…what’s up?” The death of his smile was enough to kill any girl’s confidence, but the desire in his eyes was harder to hide.
“Not much. Just came to see what you were up to.” I shrugged, suddenly feeling uncertain. Unsure of myself. “I thought maybe you wanted to hang out.”
Cal nodded slowly, giving me a long, hard stare that was hot enough to torch my skin. Those green eyes took in the red lace, the cleavage and legs on display, but his expression revealed nothing of what he was thinking.
“Uh, sure. But you don’t have to do…this.” One hand motioned to my mostly naked body.
I took a few more steps into his computer cave. “I know I don’t have to, but I want to. You ever think of that?” Arms folded defensively, I stared at Cal to let him know that this decision was mine. Only mine.
“I haven’t thought about anything else for weeks, Bon, you know that.” He stood but didn’t move from behind the large desk. “Christ, are you sure about this?”
“About this? No.” I let out a laugh that was part bitter and part amused. “But I am sure that I’m tired of being a virgin. I’m tired of missing out on fun and all the things I want because it isn’t the right thing to do. I want to go after something, for once. Just for me. You.” The words rushed out of my mouth, another sign of my nerves.
His lips twitched before a full smile formed from cheek to cheek. “All right. You’re sure.” His hands spread wide, giving me the perfect view of his lean frame in nothing but low-slung jeans and a soft white t-shirt. Then he let his hands fall to his sides. “So, what now?”
I shrugged and took another step forward, feeling my confidence and strength return. Sort of. “You’re the one with experience in these things…you tell me.” I kept moving toward him, but slowly, to quell the racing in my chest, giving my confidence a chance to work her magic.
Cal’s smile brightened like the sun as he rounded the desk, the clear beautiful look in his eyes darkening to near black the closer her got. “Does that mean you’re going to follow my lead? Because I gotta be honest, Bonnie, you suck at listening. Following directions.”