“It’s our loss, I know,” she said brightly and ended the call.
It just so happened that this moment presented me with the perfect excuse to dull the sting of rejection. It wasn’t much because my funds were dangerously low and so was my emergency supply.
Feeling at least a little human, I threw my phone on the bed, slipped into a bathing suit and slathered on some sunscreen. Then I skirted around them main walk outside to a small wading pool with a waterfall behind some greenery that was just out of view of most parts of Ashby Manor. I wasn’t being ungrateful, I just needed some time to myself.
My privacy lasted a total of twenty-three minutes before the click-clack of killer heels sounded on the paved apron around the pool just a few feet away.
“Hey Bon!”
I jumped up from the lounge chair and ran to the lawn. “Maze!”
She flashed a wide, genuine smile. “How’s it going? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” she said, probably the only person who was happy to see me.
I returned her hug and shrugged my shoulders. “Another job rejection, but that’s nothing new. How’s the job treating you?”
She wagged her head and slipped off black stilettos with a sharp gold heel that was to die for, at least it would have been if I was in a place to care about shoes. Or clothes. Or life in general.
“Good,” she said. “The clients are demanding, but they tip well when they’re satisfied and I make sure they always are.”
“Sounds kind of, I don’t know, mercenary.”
Maisie frowned. “Does it? Well my job is to keep them happy so they keep gambling, and that’s what I do. I won’t apologize for being good at it.”
And now I felt like a gigantic jerk. “You don’t, I do. I’m sorry for being bitchy. I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself, but that doesn’t mean I’m not excited for you. Or proud.” It was actually the perfect job for her. “You get paid to help rich people organize outrageous things with their obnoxious money. That’s just so you, Maisie.”
Her face twisted into a confused smile. “It kind of is, isn’t it?” She shrugged again. “I’m enjoying it more than I thought and things are good right now. Really good. Sorry,” she said when she realized that things weren’t really good for everyone.
We walked to the patio table and chairs and sat across from each other.
“It’s all right, Maisie. You don’t have to be miserable because I am. I’m working on getting better. Being better.” I was a work in progress, failing more than I was succeeding but determined to try each and every day. “I’m still applying to jobs and that’s about all I can do.”
“That’s great, Bon. I’m sure something will happen. Soon.”
“Not too soon,” I told her. “They’re all out of state, and I need a quick job to save up some money for the move.”
Maisie’s shoulders fell and a pout formed on her red lips. “That sucks. How am I going to live in this town without my best friend?”
“I know.” She was the only family I had left and the thought of leaving made me physically ill. “After everything that’s happened, what choice do I have?”
“Let me think of something, please,” she pleaded around a yawn. “Don’t do anything until I’ve had time to come up with a few options. Please?” Another yawn escaped, and I nodded, telling her what she wanted to hear because she was too tired to remember.
“Okay, now go take a nap. That yawning is getting out of control.”
She smiled, trying for a laugh as the third yawn escaped. “It is. Sorry, late night.”
“That’s how it is for members of a working society,” I told her proudly. “Better get some sleep while you can, I’m sure Virgil will be home soon enough to distract you from silly things like sleep or food. Or oxygen.”
“I do love a distraction,” she said on a dreamy sigh that was so unlike the girl I’d known in college.
“Then you better rest when you can,” I told her, fixing my expression so she knew not to argue.
“Fine,” Maisie sighed and rolled her eyes as she stood, reaching for her discarded stilettos. “Let’s get together for some girl time soon, okay?”
I nodded as she rushed to get off her feet before sleep claimed her. Her visit had made me feel too many things when I didn’t want to feel anything. I hated that I couldn’t be happy for Maisie with her job and her love life. I hated that my life was so screwed up that it changed everything I’d ever believed in. Mostly my ability to be a good person. A better person.
I spent most of the day high, trapped in anger. There was the guilt, too, but I focused on the anger over all that I had missed. All those years listening to my parents under the guise of love and caring, missing out on fun and for what? My life was ruined, with my virginity intact and no sins committed. How fair was that? I did everything they’d asked, no demanded of me, and I’d been tossed aside so easily.