And I’m rambling in my own head. I’m losing it. I’m crazy over this man in every possible way.
I barely remember pulling into the garage and parking. I barely remember letting the door slide into place. I climb out of the car and lean against it. My mind flashing back to that first night here and the crash of my coffee on the ground. The passion in our kisses. The hunger in our touches. And then my father and Rick together in my kitchen. It felt like the beginning of forever. It was nothing more than a chapter. Fighting tears I swore I’d stop shedding for Rick Savage, I walk to the door and use my key to open it, When I step inside I shut it behind me and gasp.
He’s here.
Rick is standing right in front of me, bigger than life, and so damn him, in that him kind of way that I couldn’t explain if I tried. He steps closer and I drop my bag on the counter. He will hurt me again, I remind myself, but like that first night, I don’t seem to care.
I step toward him, but he’s already there, already here, right here with me. I can’t even believe it’s true. He folds me close, his big, hard body absorbing mine. His fingers tangle in my hair, his lips slanting over my lips. And then he’s kissing me, kissing me with the intensity of a man who can’t breathe without me. And I can’t breathe without him. I haven’t drawn a real breath since he sent me that letter.
My arms slide under his tuxedo jacket, wrapping his body, muscles flexing under my touch. The heat of his body burning into mine, sunshine warming the ice in my heart he created when he left. And that’s what scares me. Just this quickly, I’m consumed by him, the princess and the warrior, as he used to call us. My man. My hero. And those are dangerous things for me to feel, so very dangerous. Because they’re not real. He showed me that they aren’t real.
“This means nothing,” I say, tearing my mouth from his, my hand planting on the hard wall of his chest. “This is sex. Just sex. This changes nothing.”
“Baby, we were never just sex.”
“We are not the us of the past,” I say, grabbing his lapel. “I just need—you owe me this. You owe me a proper—”
“Everything,” he says. “In ways you don’t understand, but, baby, you will. I promise you, you will.”
I don’t try to understand that statement and I really don’t get the chance. His mouth is back on my mouth.
The very idea of forever with this man is one part perfect, another part absolute pain. Because there is no forever with this man. But he doesn’t give me time to object to a fantasy I’ll never own, that I’m not sure I want to try and own again. I don’t need forever. I need right now. I need him. I sink back into the kiss and he’s ravenous. Claiming me. Taking me. Kissing the hell out of me and God, I love it. God, I need it. I need him.
I reach for his tie and my hand, my damn ring, snags on his jawline. His mouth rips from mine, and he catches my hand, holding that ring between us. “If I ever see you in this ring again, I swear I will kill him.”
“Are you trying to remind me that you’re a killer?”
“I am a killer, Candace. I’m not going to deny who or what I am. But I saved lives, too. I saved good lives that needed to be saved. He’s not one of those good lives. Decide now. Do I kiss you again or do I not? Because I’m not kissing you with that fucking ring on your hand. Take the ring off.” He lowers his voice. “Unless you keep calling me a killer because you’re afraid of me.”
Afraid of him.
He called himself unworthy. He really believes that.
I stare up at him, I search his face, and that’s what I find there. Fear. Not mine, but his. He fears that I’m afraid of him, that he’s not good enough for me because of what he’s done, what he believes he’s become. That’s why he didn’t come home. That’s why he’ll leave again, but I’m back to not caring. Not right now.
I don’t want him to leave. I don’t want him to stop kissing me. “There is no part of me that is afraid of you, Rick Savage.” I pull the ring off my finger.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Savage
I throw that fucking ring as far as I can throw it and I wait for her to panic, but she doesn’t. She pushes to her toes and leans into me, offering me what I want: her. My hand comes down on the back of her head and then I’m kissing the hell out of her, drinking her in, and this is not a gentle kiss. This is a rough, demanding, take-what-I-want kiss. She says she’s not afraid of me. I want her to show me she’s not afraid of me. I need her to show me she’s all in. It doesn’t matter that I have no right to make such a demand. It doesn’t matter that I don’t deserve this woman. Not tonight. Tonight, she’s mine and I’m not settling for less than everything.