“In truth, I want nothing more. But life hasn’t taught me to expect happiness, or that just because I want something it can be so. Can I take some time?” I asked, tracing the veins on his arm with my fingertip, like the tributaries of some vast, powerful river. “Can I let fate guide me?”
He nodded, and his stubble scraped against my cheek. “As long as you aren’t turning me down right away, I might just be able to sleep,” he said, with a smile in his voice. He gripped me tighter, like I was his most cherished possession, and I felt his breathing deepen and slow as he drifted off to sleep.
Sleep didn’t come to me that night. He took me again, and again. Filling me with his sticky release until it dripped out of me and I couldn’t fathom life without these feelings.
Without him.
In between our lust, I lay awake in his arms, watching the patch of moonlight creep over the bed until dawn found us locked together. The impossibility of marrying him weighed heavily on me. As soon as I felt him stir in the morning light, I whispered his name.
“Shit, I feared it was all just a wondrous dream. Thank God for you,” he said sleepily. “Have you thought about what I asked?”
If only it had all been that simple—if only things could be as easy as our dreams. “I’ve thought about nothing else. But my father will never give me to you. He will never consent. You know how things work, I need him to consent or our union will not be legitimate. Nor would our children. I could not bear that shame. Nor shackle them with it.”
Bors’ muscles tightened at the mention of my father. “He doesn’t fucking deserve you. You know it.”
“Perhaps not, but he is my father. No matter how much I wish that he weren’t. I want to be yours, but it will never be with his blessing.” I rolled over in his arms to face him. His hair was messy from sleep, his eyes bedroomy and irresistible. Against my thigh, his cock was hard and ready. He pulled me to him for a kiss and I felt the wet rush warm my inner thighs yet again. “So run away with me.” I told him as he released me from the kiss. “Take me away from this place.”
He searched my face and his expression hardened. In that moment, I felt the distance between our years, but the wisdom and experience of those years drew me even closer to him. “A life on the run is no life at all,” he said. “I refuse to make our love a shameful, secret thing.”
It made sense, certainly. But I didn’t see any other way. “So then tell me. What do we do?”
“We hold our ground. We stay here. We make a life here. I make you my bride here.”
What a dream that was. What a beautiful dream. “But how? What about my father? The church will never marry us without his agreement. The ways of things are as they are…”
I knew the laws because of my sisters. How a father had the right to decide the fate’s of his daughters I was unsure, but I was sure that the law was the law and I knew no way around it.
Bors came up on one elbow and I sank down into the pillows, gazing up at him. “Your father might object, but I don’t give a fuck. Men far more powerful than him owe me favors. A day’s ride will get me to the garrison, where I can get permission from the council of the clan. Their approval overrides his claim on you. Then there’s nothing your father can do to stop us.”
“I will come with you! We will go together.” I declared, but he shook his head.
“I’ll be faster alone. Besides, the moors are full of dangers, and the thought that I couldn’t protect you…”
“I’ll be all alone here, without you. I never want to be without you again.”
He pulled me closer and held me tight. “It’s two days’ sacrifice, three at the most, for a lifetime’s happiness,” he said. “Angelica will keep you safe while I’m gone.”
Even one day away from him seemed absolutely unbearable. I placed my palm to his chest and gazed up at him, admiring the strong angle of his jaw. “Let me come with you, please.”
He shook his head. “I won’t risk your safety out there. And there’s no way I’m going to make it look like I’ve kidnapped you more than I already have.” He took a step into me, sliding his hand down my hip. “No matter how badly I’d like to.”
I wanted to be his, lawfully or otherwise, and yet it was a debate I knew I couldn’t win—there was so much I didn’t know about the world and I deferred to his judgment, lacking any experience of my own.