They’d lost by one f**king goal. He’d have rather gotten his ass kicked by a blowout than to lose by one goal. They’d been close so many times, but they just hadn’t been able to muster up enough offense to get the job done.
Again.
They had another road game before heading home, and he hoped to God they could pull out a win on that one, because things weren’t looking good for the team otherwise.
Fuck. Fuck, f**k, f**k.
He’d gone out with the guys after the game, but none of them were in the mood to do much talking or partying. They all headed back to their rooms early.
Drew grabbed the remote to watch television, but there was really nothing on he wanted to watch.
He grabbed his phone to call Carolina, but it was late, and he didn’t want to keep her up. The clock was ticking on Fashion Week, and he knew she was probably putting in a lot of long hours.
Instead, he sent her a text message saying he was going to bed early and he’d talk to her when he got to Chicago tomorrow.
Where he had another road game.
Another opportunity.
Or another chance to lose on the road.
No. He pulled his fingers through his hair and got up off the bed, determined to think positively. He stared out the window at the snowy Philadelphia night, feeling the chill all the way through to his bones.
They couldn’t lose every f**king road game this season. At some point, they’d figure out what the cause was and turn it around, win on the road, and this would all be a distant memory.
An unpleasant, distant memory.
Shivering, he climbed back into bed and found some lame old movie on TV. Anything with sound so he wouldn’t feel so alone right now. He stared over at his phone. No return text from Carolina, which meant she was either busy working, or already asleep.
He wanted to call her, to hear the warmth of her voice in his ear. He wanted her to tell him it was all going to be all right.
But she couldn’t tell him that, could she? Because she didn’t control his destiny. Only he did. Only he—and his team—could pull this shit hole of a season out of the crapper, and make it right.
He just wished he knew how they were going to do that, what the magic secret was to taking a team that kicked ass at home and sucked on the road, and turning them into absolute winners.
He closed his eyes and willed it to happen.
Because at this point, skill didn’t seem to matter. And will, hope, and prayer were the only things he had left.
TWENTY-SIX
CAROLINA COULDN’T BELIEVE FASHION WEEK WAS just around the corner.
She felt ill-prepared, but it was here. The final touches had been put on everything, so ready or not, it was here, and there was nothing she could do about it now.
The one major item left was getting her print advertising moving along, and for that she needed Drew.
He’d texted her from the road, and called her a few times. She’d been working nonstop, twelve hour days, so their phone calls had been short, but she had to admit she’d enjoyed hearing from him. He’d seemed down since they had a couple losses on the road, and she was so in her own head she wasn’t sure she was much good at cheering him up, but she did try to send him some messages about his games, which, surprisingly, she’d found time to watch.
She was hooked, and couldn’t seem to not watch his games, no matter how busy she told herself she was. Even Stella came over one night for takeout and they watched together, since Stella and Trick were still bed buddies, though Stella insisted that’s all that was going on between them.
“No emotional attachment?” Carolina had asked.
Stella laughed. “I’m too busy to be emotionally attached, and I’m pretty sure Trick is one of those girl-in-every-port kind of guys. Which suits me just fine, because my first love is dance, not men. And clingers aren’t my type.”
“Trick doesn’t strike me as a clinger.”
“He’s not,” Stella had said, opening up her fortune cookie. “Which is why I’m still sleeping with him.”
Carolina wished she could be so laissez-faire about her . . . thing with Drew. But it seemed so much deeper, so complicated between them. And maybe that was all in her head, and because Drew was tied into her fashion line. Maybe she was deliberately keeping him closer to her because of that.
She paused as she perused lighting and music for the show. Was that what she was doing? Was she keeping Drew interested because she needed him so desperately for her fashion show? Surely she wasn’t that superficial. Besides, Drew had agreed to do it before the two of them had ever slept together. And he had been the one to pursue her—rather diligently, as she recalled. She could have said no, firmly, and he still would have agreed to participate.
Wouldn’t he have?
She worried her bottom lip with her teeth and pondered.
No, that wasn’t it at all. She thought about him all the time. There was more to it than that. Though her thoughts about him were often jumbled up between hot sex, how he made her feel, an ache in the pit of her stomach, and how hot he was going to look in her clothes.
She laid her head in her hands. What a mess. She’d hate to think she was using him. Then again, hadn’t he done the same thing to her all those years ago?
Oh, please. She was so past over that now. He’d apologized, she’d forgiven. That was done and she wasn’t going to think about it anymore.
Her phone rang and she picked it up with a smile on her face.
“Hey, Stella.”
“I’m starving. Are you finished working for the night?”
“No, but I’m tired. And hungry, so I need to shut it down.”
“Great. How about pizza? There’s a hockey game tonight, the Travelers last away game before they head back to town. Want to watch with me?”
“Sure.”
“Great. I’ll bring the pizza. Say a half hour?”
“Sounds good. See you at my place.”
She wrapped up and headed home, stopping at the store down the street for a few things before going up to her apartment. She made it with five minutes to spare before Stella rang the bell. She opened the door to the smell of some very tantalizing pizza.
“My stomach is growling,” Carolina said as Stella came in.
“Mine, too. You’re lucky there’s any pizza. I almost ate it on the way.”
They grabbed plates and drinks, then sat in front of the television. The game was just getting under way. Carolina zeroed in on Drew, that tingle in her stomach prominent as always as he skated down the ice.
They ate and talked, mostly about the game.
“No wonder they’re losing,” Stella said. “There’s something wrong with Mangino. Does he have an injury?”
Carolina gave her a blank look. “Like I would know anything about the Travelers goalie?”
“Well, you have the relationship with Drew. I thought maybe you’d have some insider intel.”
“And you’re sleeping with Trick.”
Stella shrugged. “We’re just h**ing s*x. You and Drew have something else.”
Carolina blinked. “What do you mean, we have something else?”
“Oh, please. You brought him home with you for Christmas, and then he whisked you away for New Year’s. That’s a relationship, honey, not f**k buddies.”
“He’s also Gray’s best friend.”
“So? What does that have to do with your relationship with him?”
“That’s why I invited him to come to the ranch for Christmas.”
Stella took a big bite of pizza, chewed, and said, “Uh-huh.”
“Seriously. My relationship with Drew is the same as yours is with Trick.”
“Bullshit. It’s totally different. Your eyes light up when you talk about him. Even when you watch him on TV. It’s like you’re in love with him.”
And there was the word, the one she’d avoided even thinking about. “I am not in love with him.”
“If you say so. But you are in love with him.”
“Don’t tell me how I feel, Stella. We’re just having some fun. And we’re together a lot because of the fashion line.”
Stella waved her hand back and forth. “Denial, denial, denial. What are you so afraid of? He’s not a bad guy. He’s damn fine looking, seems to treat you well, you two have fun together, and obviously the sex is off the charts because you spend a lot of time in bed together. So what’s the problem?”
Carolina frowned. “The problem is, my career is just about to take off. The very last thing I need is a relationship. And yes, he is all those things. But love doesn’t fit into the picture for me right now.”
“Oh, how sad that falling in love is so inconvenient for you. Should I open a bottle of wine and we can have a pity party?”
Carolina stood. “What the hell is wrong with you, Stella? Why are you pushing this?”
Seemingly unconcerned, Stella just sat there. “I’m not the one getting all pissed off and shouting in denial over something that’s so clearly obvious. The question is, why are you getting so mad at me?”
Stella was right. She was being a total bitch. She took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. I know you, and I know the whole love thing scares you.”
“I’m not in love with him.” She kept her voice purposely low to avoid screaming it.
“Okay. I believe you. Now sit down and finish your pizza and let’s watch the game.”
Carolina ate another piece of pizza, but her stomach was twisted in knots and the pizza tasted like cardboard now. As she watched Drew tangle with the Chicago player, her heart climbed into her throat. It was a tough, physical game. Elbows were thrown, lots of penalties, and in the end, the Travelers lost.
Again.
She felt awful for Drew. That was four road losses in a row.
“Well, that sucked,” Stella said.
Carolina continued to watch after the game as the media interviewed the players. Drew was one of them, and she caught the misery on his face. She ached for him, wanted to be there with him, to put her arms around him and tell him to keep pushing, that the team would get through this road game loss issue.
She wanted to tell him that she believed in him.
She turned to Stella, who had been watching her. “It’s obvious I care about him.”
“I know you do, honey.”
“That loss tonight—” She glanced over at the television. “Watching the interviews, the look on his face. God, Stel, it just kills me inside to see him hurting like that.”
“It means you feel something for him. I understand.”
“But I don’t know exactly how I feel, or how deep it runs. I’ve never taken the time to analyze. I don’t want to think about it. All I have room to think about is the launch of my line. Anything else and I might just implode.”
“Okay. I get that. So maybe after the launch of your line, you can figure out whether you’re in love with him or not.”
She smiled at Stella. “Maybe.”
If he was still around then.
• • •
THAT HAD TO HAVE BEEN THE WORST FUCKING GAME Drew had ever played. And he knew the rest of the guys felt the same way. He’d gotten two penalties, including a five-minute for fighting, which had been total bullshit. It had been a physical game and they’d played tough, with everything they had. It hadn’t been enough.
Avery was playing hurt, and it showed. He’d given up four goals, and that just wasn’t like him. But their other goalie just wasn’t as good. It was their job to make Avery’s work easier while his thigh muscle was healing, and they’d failed.
Shit.
They had to find a way to win on the road. They all knew it, and the coach kept ramming it into their heads at the end of every period and after the games.