I didn’t look at him. There. It was all out.
“Why didn’t you let her go on the bridge? Would’ve ended all the questions.”
I sighed. “Because it would be wrong. Everything that happened to her was wrong. It’s wrong to buy children, it’s wrong to stick them into a fortress and make them into killers, it’s wrong to promise them that they will get into paradise if they obey you, it’s wrong to order them to kill people, it’s wrong to bind them with your blood, which you told them is holy, and it’s wrong to break that binding because you’re engaged in a pissing contest with your father. She’s a person. She is me, Curran, or at least what Voron wanted me to be. My father didn’t come up with this idea out of the blue. He watched Voron teach Hugh and he simply improved on the concept and mass-produced it.”
He waited.
“She wanted to throw away her life for me, but I don’t deserve her life or her loyalty. The moment I chose to take her away from my father and let her live, I became responsible for her. You saw her. The only time she was allowed into the world was when there was a target and a handler. She deserves to have a life and to be free. If she understood things as they actually are, she wouldn’t sacrifice herself for me. She’d spit in my face. I want to give her a chance. I owe her a chance. Even if you’d told me at that moment that you would leave me if I let her live, I would’ve saved her. It was the right thing to do. My thing. I couldn’t drop her, Curran. I couldn’t.”
“Of course you couldn’t.”
“It’s complicated.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s pretty simple, actually. You didn’t drop her, because that’s not who you are, Kate. Because you will fight for her freedom and her life. Yes, it is a mess and it’s yours to fix. Running away from all of this and pouting by yourself in your old apartment isn’t the best way to deal with it.”
Pouting? I looked at him. “Why are you here? Weren’t you walking away the last time I saw you?”
“I walked away because I needed to clear my head and figure out what the hell was going on. And because I was so angry, I couldn’t see straight. I killed that asshole and I still wanted to keep killing. The rage wouldn’t stop. Then I cooled off, I talked to Adora and the kids, and realized that tonight was the first time I had seen the real you in days. You found another misfit with no place to go and were ready to protect her with everything you had.”
“I didn’t . . .”
“Yeah, you did. You’re like a crazy cat lady, but you collect killers instead of fluffy cats.”
“I don’t collect killers.”
“Yes, you do, and those who aren’t killers turn into killers by the time you’re done. You made Julie into a maniac. That child has more knives on her than a squad of the PAD. Christopher was the only stray who couldn’t fight, and now it turns out he’s a god of terror. Why am I not surprised?”
“I don’t need to listen to this.” I had enough guilt as it was.
He gave an exaggerated sigh. “What am I going to do with you? You’re a walking catastrophe.”
“Get the hell out of my apartment!”
“Why? So you can sit here in your solitude and mope some more?”
“I wasn’t moping.”
He grinned at me. “Poor sad Kate, all alone with her sadness . . .”
“Curran, stop while you’re ahead, or I swear, I’ll kick you until you fly right out of this window.”
He pounced on me. I tried to punch him, but it was like trying to wrestle a bear. He gathered me up and pulled me to him.
“Go away!”
“I love you,” he said.
I stopped struggling.
“Where the hell would I go without you, Kate? No matter where I went, you would be there in my head. I would miss you every moment of my life.”
“I would miss you, too.”
He squeezed me to him, his gray eyes laughing. “I brought you something.”
He pulled out a folded piece of lined paper and held it in front of me.
New Plan
Get Awesome Cosmic Powers.
Nuke my dad.
Retire from the land-claiming business.
Below in his handwriting, he’d added several lines.
Get married and start a family.
Have children. Hopefully not screw them up too badly.
Live a life we’re proud of.
He squeezed me to him.
There was nothing about the Guild there. Nothing about power or wealth. It was just him and me.
“Am I enough?” I asked.
“Always,” he said. “Come on, baby. Let’s go home. It’s late.”
“Do we have to go home right now?”
His hold on me shifted. “No, we don’t. But there is a bed here and no children, so if we stay here, I can’t guarantee your safety.”
I looked at him. “How much danger do you think I’m in?”
Little golden sparks flared in his gray eyes. “You have no idea.”
“We’ve been together for two years. I think I have some idea.”
He leaned over me and kissed me, his mouth sealing mine. It was more than a kiss. It felt like a promise and I kissed him back, making promises of my own. His hold on me tightened. His hands gripped me. The kiss broke. I opened my eyes and saw his, focused on me and heated from within by something wild.
I flipped onto my knees on the bed and kissed him, again and again, tasting him, his tongue, his lips, my hands sliding over his hard shoulders, his muscles tensing under my fingers. “I love you,” I whispered.