Amber raced after me into the changing room, and I sat down with a huff as I moved to undo my slippers. I was tired, my heart heavy knowing I couldn’t dance the way I used to anymore. The magic was gone for me, the feeling of elation when I stepped on stage diminished, because now I only danced for Thorn. Gone was the audience, gone were the flowers people brought to me after the performance. All I had left was my yearning to once again stand center stage and dance for my admirers and to feel like a star again.
“Hey,” Amber caught up with me, touching her hand to mine gently and giving me a worried look. “Everything all right with you? Marchante said we can take a break for today and get back to it tomorrow. But I’m worried…”
“It’s all right,” I said, knowing I didn’t sound convincing at all. But I didn’t want Amber to know that I was struggling. She was already in a big enough mess, and I felt guilty every day for her being at the Mansion. “I’ll be fine, I’m just… a little overwhelmed, I guess.”
“I understand,” she said simply, giving me a bright smile.
That was the great thing about Amber and what had brought us close a long time ago in London, which now felt light years away. She was kind and understanding, always willing to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. She was never jealous or envious of my success and was always happy to push me forward. Since we’d gotten to the Mansion, things had been a little awkward between us, though, and I often wondered how much she knew about the real life behind bars.
Her room was different than mine – no bars on the windows, no lock on her door. She was free to roam the house as was I, but her privileges extended to life outside the Mansion, to the beautiful beach outside and the surrounding grounds of the building. I was jealous of it, still not completely certain why Thorn wouldn’t let me roam the grounds when it was nearly impossible to escape him anyway. He’d told me time after time I’d be punished for every step I took away from him in an effort to escape, and I knew full well he’d never let me get away.
“Tell me about the outside,” I said to Amber impulsively. “The beach. The ocean. I want to know.”
She gave me a curious look, and once again I found myself wondering how much she knew about the Mansion. I knew Thorn had filled her in on some of it, and surely she knew I wasn’t there willingly, but she’d never mentioned it to me. I wanted desperately to confide in her, but I didn’t want her to be punished because of what I’d tell her. She had gone from being my confidante to a friend I desperately wanted to be closer to but feared the consequences too much to take the next step.
“The ocean?” she repeated, and I nodded, pulling my knees to my chest as I settled on a chair.
She smiled and pulled up a chair of her own next to mine, mimicking my position.
“It’s beautiful,” she admitted. “I have never seen anything quite like it. I haven’t gone for a swim yet, but the girls say it should be warm enough in a couple of weeks to do it.”
A silence fell between us as I wondered whether I’d ever be allowed to go outside again. I’d spent some time on a balcony – they’d allowed me the small mercy to soak up some sun and help my too-pale complexion.
But I still felt trapped – always with a guard standing watch or sometimes Pia looking at me with contemptuous eyes that spoke plainly of the dislike she felt for me.
“I have to ask,” Amber finally said, and I looked up at her curiously. “I… I don’t completely understand what’s happening here.”
I stayed quiet, waiting for her to go on.
“It’s… it’s not a ballet training camp, is it?” she asked gently, and I shook my head slowly, looking down at the beautiful hardwood floor.
I felt tears pricking my eyes, but I didn’t want Amber to notice. I felt responsible for her being there, guilty because she was made to stay in the Mansion with me. I wanted to explain so badly, yet I feared what would happen to her if she knew the whole truth. I knew what was going to happen to the other girls in the house.
They would be sold to the highest bidder.
I couldn’t imagine a fate like that for Amber, my innocent friend from back home. Even though we were the same age, it felt like she was still a young girl while I’d been forced to become a woman, and I couldn’t doom her to a fate similar to my own.