I didn’t say a word as she made her way out of the room. I was trying my best to understand where she was coming from. I knew she had a rough life, but I still didn’t understand why she could possibly choose this kind of fate – and willingly.
I felt alone at that moment, cold in the knowledge that I had nobody else. My father was still alive, but since he’d shown absolutely no interest in me since my mother passed, I didn’t bother making contact again. He probably hadn’t even noticed I was gone.
My only remaining friend was Carina.
I remembered her moment of weakness when she found out she was pregnant, and the week when she lost her baby. I’d been there for her. Perhaps she could be there for me too.
“Can we talk?”
Carina raised her eyes to mine and seemed to understand something was wrong right away.
“Of course,” she said gently, squeezing my hand. “I knew we would have to eventually. Come on, let’s go on the balcony.”
Her parents were fast asleep and so was Amber, but Carina and I had stayed up late to watch a film we both liked. But now the credits were rolling, and I’d spent the entirety of the film wondering how much I could tell Carina. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her, it was more that I didn’t want to put her in any kind of danger.
I followed her outside, where we gazed upon London illuminated beautifully in the night sky. Her parents’ apartment had an incredible view I knew I’d never get sick of. Still, I was anxious to get on my own feet, find my own place in the world after being a captive for so long.
Yet I couldn’t help my mind wandering to Thorn again and again.
At first, I’d tried to ignore it. Then deny it, pretend it didn’t exist. But it was there, the nagging thought in the back of my mind demanding I pay attention to the ever-present question eating away at me.
Would he take me back?
I wasn’t sure. A horrible, sinking feeling had settled in my stomach, a kind of premonition saying I would be the one to crawl back to him and beg him to take me back. Being away from him felt like being severed from a part of me. Painful and hard and fucking unbearable. I hated the pain, hated what it meant, and hated myself for the feelings I couldn’t squash anymore. It was painfully obvious now. I was in love… truly, madly, deeply – for better or for worse.
“You seem a thousand miles away,” Carina told me, and I forced a smile on my lips. “What are you thinking about?”
I didn’t answer, and after a couple of minutes, she reached over to me, her hand coming to rest on mine.
“Is it him?” she whispered, and I swallowed my tears and nodded which made Carina sigh out loud. “Oh, darling. I have never mentioned this, but…”
I looked up at her and she bit her bottom lip nervously and went on.
“The father of my baby,” she managed to get out. “He… he wasn’t a very nice man. I think there are some similarities between him and the man who abused you.”
“I’m sorry,” I said automatically.
“This isn’t about me,” she said gently, smoothing my hair away from my face. “I just want to make sure you’re alright here after what happened. I understand abusive relationships, I really do.”
I nodded as she gave me a sweet smile.
“But I’m here to help,” she went on. “Anything you need, you can always ask me. I’ll be here for anything you need. You know that, don’t you?”
“I do,” I nodded. “Thank you, Carina. But I’m worried…”
I took a deep breath as she looked at me expectantly.
“I’m worried he got Amber involved in some bad stuff as well,” I finally managed to get out. “She… she told me some things and they really made me worried about her safety.”
“Look,” Carina said placatingly. “He doesn’t know you’re here. He can’t hurt you anymore, Harlow. I know he’s done some bad things – and don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me anything – but I’m here to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
I stared at her and she gave me a big smile, pulling me in for a hug.
“I’ll make sure you’re safe,” she whispered, and I found myself nodding to her words, though for some reason, I couldn’t believe her at all.
Chapter 16
Carina
I held Harlow in my arms with an angelic smile on my face, wondering how she didn’t see right through me. I had never thought of myself as an amazing liar, but I surprised myself every day.
Once she was feeling a bit better, I walked her to the guest bedroom and kissed her cheek before she drifted off into a restless sleep. I watched her for a while, the mean side of me demanding I hurt her in some way while she was so vulnerable.