‘What is it?’ His expression falters, his laughter dying away. There’s no sense in making us both feel sad.
‘I was just thinking that, back then, a fancy dinner was a place that had linens and plates.’
‘I don’t know, there’s a certain charm in eating food from a stick,’ he replies, referring to the Hong Kong street markets. I guess we do have some experiences that are similar. ‘And drinking beer at rickety tables with plastic tablecloths.’
‘Slumming it, were you?’
‘Gaining a little life experience, the same as you. So, you had your night in a hotel,’ he asserts, getting us back on track.
‘Not at that point.’ I take a sip of my champagne, placing my glass down. ‘We had to go back to the hostel in the city to grab our things. We ate dinner in Macau and headed for the bus back to the mainland. But while we were waiting, we got to thinking.’ I tap my index finger against my chin for effect. ‘If we made two thousand with two hundred dollars, what could we make with two thousand?’
‘You were bitten by the bug.’
‘Well, we were definitely bitten.’
‘And what was the outcome?’
‘We shared a can of cola on the way home. Gambling is for suckers,’ I say over the sounds of his guffaws.
Remy’s mirth settles, his eyes dark and glossy in the ambient light. ‘Some things are worth taking a risk on, you know.’
‘I suppose this is when you tell me I need to take a risk on you?’ My cynical response was in the place of a hundred things I could’ve said. Things I’d rather have said. But I’d just be creating problems for another day. Yet his answer still blows me away.
‘No. Take a risk on love.’
34
Remy
‘Don’t.’ Her expression falters from teasing and testy to disquiet. I hate that she’s unhappy, that I made her unhappy, but I can’t envisage a time when I’d give up. Give up on us. ‘Don’t do that. Don’t blur the lines.’
‘Rose, we don’t have lines. You have a demarcation zone and barbed words like wire.’
‘And why is that?’ she answers fiercely.
‘Because I’m an idiot. And arrogant. And I thought I could take care of this before it ever got near enough to hurt you. You remember our first time here in Monaco? Remember how I said I’d never had another woman in my bed? It’s true.’
‘Because you never lived there,’ she almost whispers, her eyes looking anywhere but at me.
‘It doesn’t matter. The penthouse, the house with Amélie, the hotel—none of those beds have seen another body next to mine. Since March, I have been faithful to you. As ridiculous as it might sound, I never wanted anyone else, though I had chances.’ More recently, Amélie. At one time, I might have taken her up on yesterday’s offer, if for no other reason than to teach her how little she meant to me. But not anymore. ‘I was faithful to the idea of you. The woman who looked after me. The angel.’
‘I’m no angel.’
‘To me, you are. So, when you arrived in Monaco, it was like a sign. I’d already moved out of the house, though in truth, Amélie was rarely there. The place is like a palace, and though we lived under the same roof, we never lived together. But the day I saw you in the hallway, I moved to the penthouse, like I was like wiping the slate clean.’
‘Except you didn’t, not really. You just swept your problems under the carpet.’
‘For a little while. I thought she’d come back, and I’d tell her. That I’d buy her off, I suppose. I fully intended to tell you, but at the point where I could say the ties between us were truly broken. The problem dealt with.’
‘Instead, it came and bit you in the ass.’
‘And I deserved it. I’m only sorry that I hurt you.’ Reaching across the table, I cover her hand with mine, something unfurling inside as she allows me. ‘We punish ourselves sometimes, I think, with the kind of love we think we don’t deserve. But I want to deserve your love. I want to be worthy of you. Don’t say anything, please. Just listen because I’ve had a very, very beautiful idea. Don’t look so worried. I’m not going to drop to my knee with a ring. Unless you want to,’ I add quickly.
‘If you drop to your knee, I’m out of here.’
I find myself laughing as I top up our glasses. ‘Mon hérisson épineux.’
‘That sounded like something that requires a trip to the pharmacy to cure.’
‘I called you my thorny hedgehog.’
‘Oh, yeah. That’s super endearing.’ But she’s smiling. ‘You want me to take a risk on love, and then you liken me to a spikey rodent? My mother was right. Trying to understand men is like trying to explain what colour the number nine smells like.’