While I was thinking over what to do, my mind wandered to Layla like it always did. I had kept my resolution to leave her alone. She had made it clear. She left me after we’d slept together, ran out on me when I tried to talk to her. That didn’t mean I was giving up.
I had to find a way to get her the letter. I didn’t want to enlist Maggie. She didn’t deserve to be caught in the middle of this. And Jeremiah was too busy rowing over being asked for advice to offer his actual help. If I mailed it, she might throw it out. I needed to put it in her hands. Look in her eyes. Make sure she knew that I needed her to read it. It had been three damn weeks since I’d written it and I needed her to see it. I needed to know once and for all.
Jeremiah stopped by while I was hanging sheetrock. He tried to lend a hand, but all he managed to do was get drywall dust all over his pants.
“So, about the general manager’s job,” he said, “you’d be great at it. But I need you to make a final decision soon.”
“I know. I have a couple of irons in the fire, have to see how some things turn out before I decide. That okay?”
“Waiting on a better offer?”
“Waiting on a reason to stay.”
“A better reason than family? Your twin brother and your nephew live here,” he said a little indignantly. He tried to play it off as a joke, but I knew he was uncomfortable that I hadn’t just jumped at the chance to work for him.
“Waiting to see how it turns out. I’m a patient man. Sometimes you have to hold your cards and wait to see what someone else is going to play.”
“Is this a poker metaphor? Because I’m not much for gambling. Unless you count making a huge property investment to get an angry woman to talk to me again.”
“No one ever said you didn’t take risks,” I said. “And that came out wrong about a reason to stay. I have good reasons. I’m waiting to see if there’s a powerful reason to leave.”
Jeremiah nodded. “I understand.”
“Listen, I’ve got shit to do. I don’t walk around all day in a polo shirt acting like I’m in charge,” I teased him.
“Hey, join the management crew. We’ll get you your own polo shirt,” he laughed.
I thought about what he said though. My brother hadn’t given up on Maggie. He’d left town for weeks, quit his cushy corporate gig and bought up local land for a development. He did the grand gesture, which was not my style. But I saw the appeal of going for broke, making a statement that way. Jer and I had always been different, close as we were. I’d just have to forge my own path here. I could see my way clear to give it to her in words, words I’d written and rewritten until I was sure I got it right. It was a matter of delivery, of seeing her face to face, handing it to her. Not touching her, reaching for her, making love to her. I was trying to make an appeal to emotion, to hope and future. I had to keep it straightforward, not muddy the waters with supernatural levels of sexual chemistry.
After I finished work, I cleaned up and made up my mind to go to her place and give her that letter. It was definitive. If she read it and still said this was impossible, I’d have to believe her. I wouldn’t stay around after that. I could talk to my brother, visit my nephew, but live someplace and work someplace where running into Layla wasn’t a possibility.
I couldn’t trust myself around her. The pull was too strong. I would cross the line and stroke her face or try to kiss her eventually. And if she was clear on not wanting a future with me, not wanting any kind of relationship, then I’d have to move on. Not with another person. With another kind of life. There was something so specific and irresistible about our attraction, that connection I felt to her, that even my military level self-control burned down when she was with me. Staying here would be the worst thing if I couldn’t have her.
At her apartment, I knocked on the door. I heard shuffling steps and a called out, “Just a minute.” She opened her door. I drank in the sight of her and then noticed how terrible she looked. Messy hair in a lopsided ponytail, a pair of baggy pajama bottoms covered with cartoon peaches and an oversized t-shirt with a Disney princess on it. Her eyes widened when she saw it was me.