I didn’t want to leave with Killian hating me. It shouldn’t matter. I’d never see him again, but it did matter—a lot.
Turning back to the grave, I ran my fingertips through the dirt. “Bye, Mom. Love you. You’re with Dad now. Maybe now you can be happy.”
I stood, wiping away the endless tears with the back of my hand, then weaved through the numerous stones; some extravagant and beautiful, others simple. I pushed open the small iron gate and it groaned on its hinges then clanged shut behind me.
“She doesn’t deserve your tears.”
My head snapped up.
Killian leaned against a willow tree ten feet away. There was no sympathy in his eyes, unlike every other person I’d seen since her death. Instead, he looked pissed off. Although, that was nothing unusual. Except for that subtle smile on the school stairs, the anger was a staple in him.
“Killian,” I whispered. “Are you okay?” It was a stupid question considering he’d been arrested and probably suffered the wrath of his father. There was also a bruise on his jaw and red marks on his knuckles that looked like cuts and scabs. “Where have you been? What happened to you?”
He snorted. “You’re asking about me when you were in a car that slammed into a tree going sixty kilometers an hour?” His voice rose. “Your mom could’ve killed you, Savvy.”
True, and I was betting a lot of kids at school were thinking the same thing. It had been on the news that she was on prescription drugs and she probably would’ve survived the crash if she hadn’t overdosed on them.
“At the fight… I’m sorry, Killian. I should’ve listen to you. I panicked and ran and then you had to find me and Mars, and got caught—”
“I didn’t have to do anything.”
True. “I guess, but I’m sorry anyway.”
Silence.
He ran his hand through his hair, and it was odd because it was an agitated gesture and normally he was so steady. “I fight because I have to. Nothing else gets rid of the anger.” He paused. “I lost my mum, too.”
“You did?”
“And my father blames me.”
My eyes widened and I swiftly inhaled. “Oh, God, I’m sorry, Killian.”
“Why aren’t you angry at your mother for nearly killing you?” he asked.
The subject about his mother and father was closed, but I suspected what he’d told me, very few people, if any, knew because that rumor had never circulated.
“She’s my mom,” I said while looking at the tip of my right toe poking out of my ripped running shoe.
“A mom doesn’t drive fucked up with her kid in the car,” he stated.
“She was sad all the time and had a problem, but she loved me. Maybe others can’t understand but—”
“Yeah, I don’t fuckin’ understand,” he blurted.
No, he wouldn’t if he had issues with his father. And his mother, I had no idea how she died, but I was betting it had been an accident.
“Everyone has good bits, Killian. My mom had them. They were just hard to see. The drugs and her sadness smothered them. So, my tears are for those.”
It was a while before he finally said, “Bullshit. Not everyone has good bits, orchid, and you’re better to learn that now.”
I think he was referring to his father, but then he could’ve been referring to himself because I didn’t think he liked who he’d become.
How could he when filled with so much anger and… pain?
“Yeah, they do,” I replied. “You’re not so nice sometimes, but you have them, too. I think they’re just buried beneath whatever eats away at you.”
Our eyes locked and something happened as the green in them softened. My belly fluttered and warmth blanketed me. It was the same feeling I had when we were at the fight before the police showed up.
I was confused by it, yet it made me feel lit up inside.
“Why do you call me orchid?” I asked.
He shrugged. “It’s just a stupid nickname.”
It was beautiful and I liked it. But it would be the last time I’d hear him call me that.
Tears welled. There was so much hurt inside him, and I wanted to take it all away and see him smile.
It was ridiculous why I felt this way. I barely knew him, yet I would miss him.
“What happens to you now?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. A social worker is here to take me to live… well, I don’t know where.” I was terrified, but I didn’t want to admit that. “I better go. I have the reception.” His eyes narrowed and jaw tightened. “I’m really glad you’re okay, Killian. Thank you for what you did for me and Mars.”
I went to rush past him when he snagged my hand, and I found myself flung back and up against his chest. His heart beat steadily beneath my palm while mine pumped madly, which I was pretty sure he must have noticed.