The gate clanged.
I didn’t have to turn to know who was behind me as goose bumps sped across my skin. My belly dropped as I slowly turned and locked eyes with him. God, he was magnetic. There wasn’t a flicker of uncertainty in him, and it was unnerving and … attractive. Yes, Logan was attractive as hell standing there watching me as if he was going to eat me alive with his desire.
“Hey, man. What’s up?” Crisis said, then looked at me and hit his head with the palm of his hand. “Of course.”
Logan was moving. I heard mumblings from Ream telling Crisis he was an ass.
I stood, so did Georgie and Ream.
There was determination in his stride as if nothing could stop him from reaching me, and it sent my pulse racing.
Logan stopped in front of me. Paused for a second. Then hooked his arm around my waist and dragged me up against his chest. His warm body sunk into me, and I could feel his chest rising and falling as he kept me locked to him.
“Mouse.” His whispered word dripped like honey across my mind, and I had a hard time not melting into him and ignoring the warning beacons. “We need some privacy. You good with that, Eme?”
Was I? Georgie took my hand and squeezed. “I specifically recall not inviting you, Logan. I told you last night, Emily was coming and it wasn’t a good idea.”
“Georgie,” Deck said. “Leave it.”
Georgie ignored Deck and looked at me. “You okay with this?”
I hesitated then nodded.
“We’ll be back in ten.” Logan tagged my hand and pulled me outside the gate and down the alley to the front of the house where he put me up against the wall and leaned into me. I wondered if he did it on purpose as the memory of him kissing me outside the Brazen Head restaurant hit me full force. I’d loved him then. I trusted him.
Logan slid his finger across my temple, down the side of my face to the curve of my neck where he stopped. “I wish we had more time together, Eme. I tried to get here earlier, but Matt had a lot to say.”
I could imagine after the fight Logan started last night.
I stood against the wall; his fingers splayed on my neck, and with every word he spoke a breath of him swept into my ear. I ached. I wanted him, and yet, me giving him myself was all that I’d left behind. I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t be that girl again.
“Give me your cell number, Mouse.”
“No.”
His body stiffened, and the rhythmic motion of his thumb stopped. I felt every muscle flex, and there was a coldness that invaded my body as my words hit him.
“Emily.”
“It’s not a good idea.”
“Sure it is.” His warm breath caressed across my cheek as he leaned into me. “Jesus. Why won’t you look at me?”
I did and regretted it because my belly dropped. “Is your mother okay, Sculpt?”
He seemed to relax at the mention of her. “She’s good.”
I sighed and nodded. I couldn’t imagine what his mother must have gone through living with Raul then being pregnant with Logan and raising a child in that place. Deck was right, that place was Logan and his mother’s nightmare. And he’d willingly walked back into it.
He moved in closer. “Deck and his men took the place down a few months after you left, Eme. Raul escaped and went underground. Deck found him recently.”
“A few months? What took so long, Sculpt? Why did you stay there?”
“You saw the place. It was well guarded. After you got out, Raul knew something was up and doubled his security. Took Deck some time to get organized and enough men to take out the compound.”
“Where were you? After I got out, what happened, Sculpt? Did you stay to fight for Raul?”
It was rare Logan avoided my eyes, but he did, and I knew instantly he wasn’t going to tell me. Another reason why I couldn’t trust him.
“Raul is dead. We leave the rest out of our lives.” He tilted my head up so I was looking directly at him. “Emily, you mean more to me than anything. I love you. I want to be with you … Help you get through this. Baby, I missed you so much.”
I pushed on his chest, but he didn’t to budge, so instead I pounded my fists into him. “No. You can’t do that. You can’t tell me you love me and you missed me and think it’ll make it all better. That I’ll forgive you.”
He remained stiff and unmovable. “I don’t need your forgiveness. I did it so you’d stay alive, and if that meant I had to watch you suffer or make you fear me then that’s what would happen.” His hand went to the back of my head, and his fingers weaved into my hair. “You know why? Because I knew one day I’d get you out and it would all be worth it.”
“You brought me into that. You. It’s your fault.” But I knew it wasn’t his fault. Raul was the only one responsible; Logan just happened to be his son.
“Mouse.” His hand tightened in my hair and he put his hand under my chin, to urge me to look up at him.
Oh God, he’d see the watery depths, and I didn’t want him to.
“Yeah it’s my fault he got to you. He saw me with you and knew you were my weakness. I have to live with that. But the rest … I’d do it again. It’d kill me, but without hesitation I would. Because you’re standing here in front of me.” His voice lowered. “Every single time I’ve touched you it was real.”
“I loved you. You used that against me,” I whispered in a ragged voice.
“No. I used it to save you.” His voice was quiet and steady.
The profound effect Logan had on me was undeniable. It was how he held me, how he looked at me, how he pushed me to my limits. My body and mind were starving for Logan, and I didn’t want to admit it. Damn it, I wanted to submit to him. I wanted to surrender to him and I was fighting it with everything I had.