Their apartments had the same layout. They were both on the same floor, but at opposite ends of the building. Jaclyn’s was wildly different than Orion’s, cluttered and messy, the sight of it making Orion cringe.
“What are you doing?” Orion asked, looking around the small room piled high with books she didn’t recognize, food in packaging that was somewhat familiar. That’s what everything was now, strange but familiar. The world hadn’t changed completely, but the snack food wrappers had fucking moved on. And the phones. And the TV channels. And the people, consumed with technology, with themselves.
“I’m catching up,” Jaclyn said, mouth full. She was holding a bag of chips in one hand, a bottle of vodka in the other.
“On what? Alcoholism? Obesity?” Orion asked dryly.
Jaclyn chuckled. “The past fifteen years,” she replied, not looking up from the television. “We’ve missed out on so much, Orion.” She couldn’t hide the catch in her voice. The slight hint of sorrow. “So fucking much has passed us by.” She pointed to a small black box on the coffee table, plugs leading from the back of it to the big screen in front of them. A remote control laid beside it. “I mean, these fucking video games.” She pointed to the box, made an exploding gesture. “Have you played one yet?”
Orion shook her head.
“I’m telling you, girl. It’s some crazy shit. They have every game you could imagine. And you don’t have to buy it or put it in. You just download it!”
Orion glanced at the screen. A blonde woman was riding what Orion guessed was a dragon. She wasn’t much for fantasy TV. She loved reading about it, but she didn’t like seeing someone else’s depiction of what the story could be. She liked having the power of imagination in her own mind.
“That’s Daenerys,” Jaclyn explained. “She’s the mother of dragons and all-around badass. I was meant to read the books before watching this, but they’re long and I’m more of a visual girl.”
Orion had them on her Kindle. Game of Thrones. She’d been meaning to get around to reading that one, but she only had a limited amount of time for reading for pleasure.
“I’m taking a break from Grand Theft Auto at the moment,” Jaclyn said, motioning toward the screen.
“Taking a break from stealing cars?” Orion asked, scrunching her brows.
Jaclyn laughed. “It’s a game, dummy.”
Orion looked at the TV and watched for a few beats, if only to put off what she had to tell Jaclyn. She was being a coward, but she was worried. Jaclyn was hanging on by a thread. It was obvious. They all were, one way or another. But it was easier to worry about Jaclyn’s future and her sanity than it was her own.
“Thing One is dead,” she blurted in the middle of a graphic sex scene that turned her stomach. She usually made herself watch them in movies or shows. Made herself read them in books. All her mind wanted to do was skip over, avert her eyes, so her mind didn’t take her back there.
Sex was meant to be something special. Fun. But it had been ruined for her. It was dirt under her skin. It was pain in her bones. It was filth in her blood.
Jaclyn didn’t look up. “Oh yeah?”
Orion stared at her. “That’s it? ‘Oh yeah?’”
Jaclyn finally met her eyes, and what was in them worried Orion. They seemed detached, out of focus. “What else is there? Didn’t we want him dead all along? That’s the goal, right? Outlive everyone who was planning to eventually kill us when they were done raping us? Stolen girls, two. Things, nothing.” Jaclyn faked a cheer.
Orion flinched at the cadence to her words. At the words themselves.
Jaclyn had always been calloused. Brutal. Orion liked and respected that about her. It was the reason she’d survived.
But this was something more than that.
Something less.
It was like there was no fight in her anymore. She seemed vacant, detached. Seemed to be without the life, the glow, the bad-assery she had exuded in The Cell.
“He killed himself,” Orion said, hoping that this would break something in Jaclyn like it had her. “Hung his cowardly ass with his bed sheet.”
Jaclyn shoved another handful of Hot Cheetos in her mouth. “Not surprising.”
Anger crawled up Orion’s throat. “He didn’t deserve that!” Orion yelled. “He didn’t deserve to get off that easy after only a fucking month in a cell. He deserved to be locked up and ass-raped for the rest of his life. He deserved to feel everything we felt, everything we went through.”
Jaclyn paused the show, turned to give Orion her full attention. “Orion, we are living, breathing, fucked-up proof that people don’t get what they deserve. That justice is not going to be served. But we got out, we’ve got money. We’ve got enough issues to buy our therapists homes in the Hamptons and a fucking private jet to fly them there. It’s the best we’re gonna get. This is life for us now.”