Closing my own eyes, I focus on the here and now. I try not to recall the past, I try not to allow the memories in, but I can’t stop them. Now that I’ve said the words out loud, it’s even more tragic when I replay it.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t pity you, and I don’t blame you. There’s nothing to say in a situation like that because with youth comes the idea that you’re too young to die. It’s nobody’s fault. And she could’ve and most probably would’ve done it if she was with someone else. People live with depression every day,” Elisabet says. “Some aren’t able to fight it, and some manage to live a meager existence with the drugs prescribed to them. And yes, there are some who overcome it and go on day by day, but you cannot blame yourself for what she did.”
“I should’ve seen. I should’ve known.”
Elisabet nods slowly. “Maybe. And you could’ve gotten her help, and then she could’ve been okay. Or there’s another possibility where she could’ve gotten the drugs that may have helped for a short time but returned at a later time. We can’t know the future; all we can do is live day by day. And the past may haunt us at times, but that doesn’t mean we need to delay our present for those.”
“Or perhaps just live for one night only?” I ask her, recalling her words back to her. The night I wanted from her became so much more. She’s brought out parts of me that I never thought would exist again.
Elisabet offers a small smile. “One night, one day, it’s all we can take it as. Keep going until we’re old and gray.”
I cup her face in my hands and lean in. I don’t kiss her. I stop inches from her mouth. “How did you become so wise?”
“By learning that not every day is promised to us. And knowing that if we delay what we want because of ghosts that haunt us, we’ll never live.”
Chapter 22
Elisabet
It’s been a whole day since I’ve seen Rome. After his confession, he asked if he could have some time. He wanted to stay in the penthouse, and I had come down to my own home to think. Everything is a lot. It’s as if I’m being weighed down. My feelings for Rome have changed from what I had promised to what I now feel.
And it has nothing to do with his admission. I wanted to stay, to be there with him while he worked through the memories, but I knew it wasn’t my place. Not yet, anyway. We haven’t even talked about what this is. Yes, we’re compatible in many ways, but there’s something we need to define. That’s what I need in my life.
The smell of paint thinner mingling in with the sour stench of whatever has died in the back of the store grips me in a chokehold, and I cough. The men are working on fixing up my store, and I’m so excited to be able to open the doors in a couple of weeks.
“Hello!” a voice calls from the front of the shop, and when I make my way there, I find Mia smiling at me with a cup of coffee in hand.
“Is that for me?” I arch a brow while pointing at the Starbucks mug.
“Of course, black, no sugar?” She grins, and I nod.
Taking the proffered mug, I inhale the perfect scent of the java. “I can’t believe you remembered.” I take a slow sip, feeling the burn trickle all the way down.
“How could I forget?” She crosses her arms in front of her chest and darts her gaze around. “I wondered who would be brave enough to buy this place.”
“The moment I saw it, I knew it was perfect,” I tell her. “I mean, look at this.” I guide her through the store, showing her where the ovens would go, where I could add a sink, and also where I plan on making a shelf of pastries that aren’t sold so we can take it down to the shelter.
“This is going to be incredible. Have you thought of a color scheme?”
“I want something bright, but perhaps a peach accent wall with some peach napkins and cake boxes.” As I speak about my plans, the excitement bubbles inside me. I can’t wait to have my brand-new store.
“Dinner at mine tonight?” Mia asks. “We need to catch up,” she says, giving me the don’t say no look, and I know I can’t refuse her.
“Yes, I can’t wait to hear all about Seduction. It sounds like you’ve got yourself a winner.”
“And not only in the kitchen.” She winks playfully, and my mouth falls open. I didn’t notice it before, but the ring on her finger sparkles when I look down.