I wince. “But Fernando was my boyfriend. We were planning a future together. I shouldn’t have done that behind his back.”
He arches a brow. “From what I heard, it sounded like you told him exactly what you intended to do. It’s not your fault he didn’t take you seriously.”
My bottom lip quivers. “But I knew he thought I was bluffing. I should have made sure he understood that I wasn’t.”
“That’s not your responsibility. You told him the truth, and you kept your word. If anyone’s a horrible person, it’s him for thinking you were playing games about something so serious.”
“Maybe.” Letting my spoon rattle into the sticky jar, I slump against the cabinets. “The worst part is that it was all for nothing.” I wrap my arms around my ribs, holding myself together. “It didn’t work. I didn’t get pregnant.”
“I’m sorry.” Zack settles onto the floor beside me. “You can still try again, though, right?”
“No,” I whisper, hating the word. It seems like all I’ve heard for the past year is no. So far, trying to have a baby has ended in one door after another slammed in my face. “My doctor thinks I’ll need in vitro fertilization, but I can’t even afford another round of artificial insemination, let alone fifteen thousand dollars in IVF fees. If I still had a job, I could maybe save up enough money before it’s too late, but Summer and Salt declared bankruptcy last week. Theresa had to let everyone go.”
Zack makes a sympathetic sound, but I cut him off with a raised hand. “Don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t deserve sympathy. I knew it was coming. I saw the warning signs in the financials months ago and ignored them. I’ve been so focused on trying to have a baby that I haven’t been paying attention to anything else. Not my friendships or my boyfriend or my job. And now…” I press my lips together, refusing to cry again. I sip in a breath, willing my throat to relax. “Now, I’ve lost everything. Including the baby dream.” Zack’s quiet for a long moment, making my lips curve as I add, “I like that about you.”
“What’s that?”
“The way you think before you talk.”
He smiles a little shyly, which is adorable. I doubt most men who have been famous as long as Zack’s been famous remember what “shy” feels like. But he’s a special guy. I knew that the moment my best friend, Theodora, introduced us at a pool party the summer after I graduated from college.
Zack was the only man there who wasn’t hitting on the Brazilian models who crashed the gathering halfway through. He spent his time catching up with Theo and meeting her friends, seeming genuinely interested in her ordinary life even though he’d just had a single hit number one and was headed out on a world tour in the fall.
“Thanks,” he says. “I like to say what I mean and mean what I say.”
“That’s a lovely quality.”
“Well, I’m not always lovely,” he says with a sigh. “Shoving Fernando into a puddle of his own piss in the alley behind Chippy’s wasn’t lovely. Not even close.”
My eyes go wide. “What? Why?”
“I didn’t like the way he was talking about you.”
“I meant why he was peeing in an alley, but…” I trail off, warmth rushing to my cheeks. “But thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” His gaze locks with mine, setting something humming to life in my chest, something electric that I haven’t felt around a man, not even Fernando, in far too long. “The men’s room was closed for cleaning.”
“What?” I’m so distracted by that forbidden hum that I’ve lost the thread of the conversation. When I find it again, I shake my head and wince. “Right. Sorry, I was…momentarily insane.”
Yes, Colette, you are insane. Zack isn’t into you, and even if he were, a relationship with a rock star would never work. He’s gone all the time, and you want to start a family. Not to mention the fact that you just broke up with your boyfriend. This would be a fun rebound fling at best and a disaster at worst, and you can’t afford anymore disaster in your life.
The inner voice is genius.
I should listen to her.
I really should.
Instead, I lean closer to Zack, eyes searching his as I whisper, “It was sweet of you to check on me.”
“I like you,” he says, the words intensifying the hum until my bones tingle. “I was hoping I could cheer you up a little before I go.”
“Go?” I ask, trying not to think of all the naughtier ways this beautiful man might be able to cheer me up. “Where are you going?”
“Upstate New York to work on songs for a solo album. I, um…” His breath rushes out. “I quit the band earlier today.”
My jaw drops. “What? Oh my God! What happened? Did you guys have a fight?” I bite my lip, a more upsetting possibility leaping to mind. Zack has been close with my best friend, Theodora, since they were kids, but I’ve always wondered if he might secretly want something more than friendship.