I set the zesting knife down by the cutting board with a shaking hand and brace my palms against the counter on either side. “Yes, I do care about him. Very much.”
“I thought so.” Chip reaches over, grabbing a sprig of dill from the bunch and lifting it to his nose. “Some people think I’m a sociopath, but I’m a good judge of character. And people and their feelings.”
“I’m not sure that rules you out as a sociopath.” I sound remarkably calm, considering how my heart is slamming against my ribs “From what I understand, sociopaths can be good at reading feelings, they’re just not good at feeling things themselves. Especially empathy.”
He grins and chomps the tender green leaves off the top of the sprig of dill. “Pretty, sweet, and smart. You really are the whole package, Colette. Someday soon, someone is going to snatch you up and make all your baby dreams come true. You don’t need to settle for a guy who isn’t going to be around to help with the kid. Take that beautiful face of yours out on the town. You’ll find someone to put a bun in your oven in no time.”
He laughs as he tosses the dill sprig back into my pile, contaminating it with his Chip germs. “Hell, I’d offer to do the job for you, but I have a feeling you think you’re too good for a guy like me.” His smile goes rotten in the middle and nasty at the edges, making my skin go cold. “Isn’t that right, beautiful? Only the pick of the litter gets naked with you, isn’t that right?”
My chest locks up, and my stomach fills with churning acid. A part of me wants to push past Chip and run to the studio, to Zack and the safety of his arms, where nothing nasty can touch me.
But the rest of me knows it’s too late.
Chip is an asshole and a bully, but he’s clever. Everything he said was true, and he’s right—I can’t imagine what it would be like to raise a child in the harsh glare of the public eye. Growing up is hard enough without all that added pressure, and I’m ill-equipped to deal with the price of fame. I would be having a rock star’s baby without the access to a rock star’s money or connections. I can’t afford a high-tech security system or private school or dozens of other unforeseen things I would need to be able to protect my baby from people who refuse to respect the sanctity of childhood.
Which means…I can’t have a baby with Zack.
I can’t have a relationship with Zack.
I can’t even be friends with Zack.
I’m already too far gone. I’m in love with him. Desperately in love. It would rip me apart to pretend to be his buddy when all I want to do is run away to a deserted island with him and live on his kisses for the rest of my life.
But we can’t do that, either. If we run away, Zack’s career is over, and I can’t bear to be the woman who took him away from the world or the music he loves.
Before I realize what I’m doing, I have the kitchen phone in hand and I’m calling Nancy, asking for a ride into town. Earlier today, I spotted a small hunting lodge with rooms for rent near the hardware store. They had vacancies this afternoon, so hopefully a room will still be available for me tonight.
And then tomorrow, I can figure out a way to get home.
Maybe Theo can get me a day early. Maybe there’s a bus station in town where I can catch a ride to a city big enough to have a train to Portland, where half a dozen of my girlfriends will be in easy pick-me-up range. I’ll figure something out. I have to because I can’t stay here a second longer than necessary.
“Thank you so much,” I say to Nancy, my voice thin. “I’ll be out front with my suitcase in five minutes.”
“Of course.” Nancy hesitates a beat before she adds, “I’m sorry to see you go, Colette. We’ve enjoyed your smile. You and Zack both have great energy. Jed and I were just talking about it this afternoon.”
“Thank you. I’m sorry, too, but it’s for the best. Zack needs to concentrate on work, and I need to get back to real life. But I’ll always remember this place fondly.”
“Ghosts and all?” Nancy teases.
“Ghosts and all,” I confirm as, a fresh wave of sadness sweeps through me. The phantom footsteps in the hall when Zack and I were both already in bed have been a little creepy, yes, but they were part of what made this experience so unique. And without the spook factor, I might not have ended up in Zack’s bed every night, and I loved spending the night in his bed.