I have to get control of myself, or Zack’s going to think I’m a sex fiend.
Fernando. I should talk about Fernando. Nothing less sexy than chatting about the guy who just dumped you.
“I’m used to eating late,” I add. “Fernando was raised in Barcelona, and they never eat before eight or nine over there. He says it’s because they need time to build up an appetite post siesta.”
“Best custom ever,” Zack says, not seeming bothered by the mention of my ex, which is refreshing. Fernando was so jealous I couldn’t bring up an old boyfriend in passing conversation without him having a fit about it. “I wish we did the siesta thing. I get up to run at five most mornings, and I’m always ready for a nap by two or three.”
“Me, too,” I say, adding with a laugh. “The nap part, not the five a.m. part. I don’t get up that early to do anything, but I do try to make time to sketch in my design book before breakfast. It’s my most creative time of the day.”
He casts a warm glance my way before his gaze returns to the road. “Me, too. There’s always music in my head first thing in the morning. What do you sketch?”
“Furniture and textile designs mostly. I fell into clothing design by accident. Interior design is my first love.” I shrug. “So even though losing my job is scary, it’s also an opportunity to course-correct career-wise. I’ve already sent out some feelers and received a portfolio request from an amazing interior design firm in Bangor. They do funky, outside of the box stuff that’s still high-end and timeless. I love their aesthetic.”
“That’s awesome. Congrats.”
“Thanks,” I say with a sigh. “I’m excited to apply but cautiously optimistic about my chances. They loved the work I did on Theo’s restaurant, but that’s my only fully executed project. I’m pretty sure they’re looking for someone with more of a track record.”
He nods. “It’s like that in the music industry, too. I’ve been part of a successful band for a long time, but it was still hard to find someone willing to take a chance on a solo deal. I had to agree to take most of the profit on the back end.” He looks over his shoulder, signaling as he pulls into the left lane to pass a slow-moving SUV. “But that’s fine. I’ve been saving hard the past few years. My grandparents are all set for retirement, even if they end up needing care at home, so I’m free to take risks.”
“Did you always live with your grandparents?” I ask, spreading my fingers in the air between us. “If that isn’t too personal.”
He flashes a big grin my way that makes my incorrigible nipples start tingling again. “No, it’s not too personal. You can ask me anything you want. And yeah, I did. My mom lived with us for a while when I was little, but she couldn’t stay clean, so my grandmother asked her to leave. I was six. Haven’t seen her since.”
Wincing, I nod. “I’m sorry. But I’ve been there. My mom’s an addict, too. Heroin.”
“Pills for mine,” he says, squeezing my thigh. “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too, and it’s okay.” I pull in a breath and let it out slowly. “Well, it’s not okay, but you know… It’s as okay as it can be. She gets clean for long stretches, but it never seems to stick.” I shrug. “At least she had her act together while I was in high school when I needed her the most. I’m grateful for that.”
Zack glances my way. “Hard time in high school?”
I laugh, leaning my head against the seat. “So hard. They say you fall in love with people who remind you of your parents, and I made that my mission in life for a few years. My boyfriend was this alcoholic narcissist who made me miserable, but I had such a hard time quitting him. I kept thinking I could make it better, make him better, if I could just figure out how to give him exactly what he needed.”
“While ignoring what you needed?” Zack skims his hand up and down my thigh in a way I know is meant to be comforting, but it only makes my sex-starved body sizzle hotter.
“Of course. Classic dysfunction.” I pinch the gauzy fabric of my dress between two fingers, concentrating on the rough cat’s-tongue texture instead of the way my nipples are aching. “But in the end, I’m glad I went through that when I did. I got the crazy out of the way when I was young, saw a therapist my senior year of high school, and have had much healthier relationships ever since.”
Zack arches a brow, and I laugh.
“Even Fernando,” I insist. “We didn’t start fighting all the time until I made it clear I was serious about trying to have a baby this year, with or without his assistance. Before that, he was almost never mean.”