Her daughter chimes in, not looking up from the screen of her phone. “I thought Dad was out of town,” the little girl says.
Haley gives the girl a withering look. That’s when I realize Haley wants to avoid me like the rest of the town. She obviously doesn’t want to chat, and by the way she keeps looking around the room, all paranoid, she doesn’t want others to see us chatting either.
I look at the little girl, the dark curly hair, the brown eyes. She looks very much like Haley. “That’s your daughter?” I ask.
Haley glances at the girl fondly. “Sure is. That’s Gracie. Got pregnant with her just before you abandoned everyone.”
I’m a little shocked by her phrasing. “Abandoned?” I say.
Haley shrugs. “What else can I call it? You didn’t say goodbye to anyone. One day we’re best friends and can’t go an hour without texting, and then I never hear from you again.”
“I couldn’t help it. My mom had my bags already packed when I got home from school …” I let my words fade out. I realize I’m making excuses. We did leave suddenly, but I could have taken the time to call my friends and let them know what was happening. But I’d liked the idea of starting over and I figured the best way to do that was leaving the past behind. Once I was in California, everything changed and I didn’t really think about Pepperhill after that. Not until a few years later. I guess part of the reason I wanted to go back and fix up my dad’s bar was because of the guilt I felt after leaving him. Not only did I leave my friends, but I left my dad too. I missed him and everything, but I had my new life in California and there just wasn’t the time to call him regularly. He made the occasional trip to come see me, but as I got older, my life became more hectic. Last time he came to visit I was twenty-four. He died soon after that. The guilt has haunted me ever since. Soon after he died I’d gotten the paperwork in the mail with the deed to the bar and the property it was on. I knew then I had to do something with it. The Osprey has been empty for a year. I should have done something with it sooner.
“It was good seeing you again, Haley,” I say and go up to my room. It’s clean at least. A nice little room and affordable, but old fashioned with the floral bead-spread that matches the curtains and the wallpaper border. There are pictures hanging on the walls that look like Bob Ross originals and a bible next to the bed and a rotary phone. On the ceiling there’s a faint outline of a water spot that’s shaped like the head of a dog.
I lay on the bed thinking about the Osprey and everything I need to fix it up. I need to atone and reconnect with the memory of my father and my old life. Returning the bar to its former glory is how I’ll do that. It’s important that I accomplish this. I just don’t know how I’ll do it alone. I’m going to need Madden’s help whether I like it or not. But what he asked me for is too much.
Thinking about Madden makes me remember this new confidence he found as an adult. I remember how he touched my chin and my hair, how he spoke, the low grumble of his deep voice. He’s so sure that at some point I’ll be begging for him, his hard body and hard dick … STOP. I need to stop thinking about him like that right now or I will never get anything accomplished. How on earth did I get to this point? Madden was always a cute kid, but I never in a million years thought I would find myself lusting after him, and I don’t want to get into the habit of it now.
Sleep is elusive this first night. It’s too quiet here. Without all the city traffic and the sounds of sirens and club music all around, how is a girl to get any sleep? The silence is maddening. I try to turn on the TV but the light and constant flickering make it impossible to settle down. So I just lay here, too awake to sleep, but too tired to get up and do anything. I’m not sure when it happens, but before I know it, I’ve nodded off.
I dream about old memories. My thoughts flash back on Haley, about when we were in high school and she whispered to me that Madden had a crush on me. Or was it that I had a crush on him? He lived next door so I saw him and his older brother often. Of course I already knew he had a crush on me, but I never told anyone else. I didn’t want my friends to find out. So who started that rumor?