He kept putting one foot in front of the other. He couldn’t take a full breath. It wasn’t until he was outside in the bright sunlight with the fresh sea air blowing in his face that his footsteps slowed. At last he could breathe easily.
And then there was a hand on his shoulder. “Xander, what’s wrong?”
He shook his head. How did he allow this conversation to get turned around on him? “This conversation isn’t about me. It’s about you and your family.”
“Talk to me about your family.”
Why did she have to keep pushing this? He never talked about his family with anyone. Not ever. Unable to stand around while having his past dredged up, he continued walking until he reached the beach.
“You can keep walking, but you aren’t going to lose me.” She rushed to catch up with him. “You can’t expect me to trust you—to open up to you—and you not do the same.”
She was right, but that didn’t make him feel better. He kept moving but his thoughts were light-years away, racing through the past. Lea wasn’t going to understand. She was going to think, just like his sister, that he was making too much of things. His sister had never noticed how their parents treated their adopted child differently than their biological child. He didn’t care what happened, but he would never make his son or daughter not feel good enough.
Suddenly there was a hand gripping his arm, pulling him to a stop. “Xander, are you serious about us becoming good friends?”
He stopped. He wanted them to be more than friends—he wanted the family that he’d been robbed of his whole life, the family he’d lost when his biological parents had left him on the hospital steps and his adopted parents had found he couldn’t match up to their biological child.
But he couldn’t rush things. He couldn’t blink his eyes and create the perfect family. And he was beginning to realize this endeavor was going to require so much more of him than he’d ever considered investing. It would mean laying his tattered heart on the line.
He turned to Lea, catching the concern reflected in her eyes. “Yes, I want us to be closer.”
She took his hand in his, surprising him. She drew him over to a large rock where they could sit and stare out at the sea.
When Lea spoke, her voice was soft and coaxing. “Tell me about your family.”
His immediate reaction was to change the subject, but he knew this was his chance to gain her trust—to take their relationship to a new level. And more than that, maybe his story would convince her of the importance of clearing things up with her parents sooner rather than later.
“I was adopted.” The words just came spilling out.
“I... I didn’t know.”
“I don’t talk about it—normally.” He struggled to figure out where to start. “I didn’t know my biological mother...or father. I was left on the hospital steps when I was a few months old.”
Lea squeezed his hand, letting him know she was there for him. He took comfort in the simple gesture.
“My parents didn’t think they could have children of their own and so they adopted me. For the early years, things were great. And then when I was four my mother got pregnant with my sister. Everyone was excited. Me included. But as my sister grew older, I noticed how they made time for her school programs but not mine. They gave my sister what she wanted but told me that I had to work for what I wanted.”
“That must have been rough, but I’m sure they loved you, too.”
“Really? Because I wasn’t sure.”
“Maybe it was just the difference of you being a boy and your sister being a girl.”
He shook his head. “Don’t go there. I’ve already tried to explain it to myself. But I know different.”
“You know? You can’t know.”
“Oh, but I do. I had it directly from my father.”
The painful words came rushing back to him. He hadn’t thought of them in a very long time. In fact, he had told himself that if he didn’t recall the memories for long enough they would disappear just like a nightmare eventually faded away. But as he recalled the incident, the exact words came rushing back to him.