‘I…’ she flailed. ‘You see…’
‘I don’t see, Philly,’ he barged in. ‘I don’t see at all. You had ample opportunity to tell me you were the woman behind that mask, and yet you said nothing. Then, when we were up at the Gold Coast, I tried to kiss you and you acted like I was mauling you—and yet we’d already made love. What was that all about unless you were wanting to keep that first night a secret?’
She gasped, her eyes wide open in protest. ‘You didn’t want me that night. It was one thing to make love to some fantasy woman at the ball, but you had no intention of making love to me then. You just didn’t want anyone else to. You couldn’t stand the thought that anyone else might be interested in me.’
No intention of making love with her? She had to be kidding. He’d burned that night, back in his room, pacing away the tension she’d provoked in his loins.
‘No,’ he said. ‘That doesn’t make sense. You wanted to keep your identity secret. That’s why you pushed me away that night. So there would be no chance I might recognise my elusive boardroom lover.’
She was shaking her head. ‘Things were already too complicated. You wouldn’t have believed me.’
‘And things are less complicated now? How do you work that out?’
He didn’t wait for her answer. He took three strides, stopping at the top of the steps leading down to the thirsty lawn below. ‘How do you expect me to believe you?’
‘Because it’s the truth.’
He sighed, long and deep, before he looked over his shoulder to where she was still standing against the railing. ‘So then, explain it to me. Why did you keep that mask on? Why did you run away from me that night, unless it was to ensure I’d never find out who you were? Why didn’t you tell me it was you?’
She didn’t answer and a train rushed along the track, sounding its horn over the crossing. Then gradually the quiet resumed, leaving only the plaintive notes of the windchimes tinkling in the lame summer breeze.
‘Have you forgotten what it was like back then? Forgotten how you were?’
She looked over to him and gave a wan smile. ‘Remember the first day I came to your office? When Sam had gone home sick? Remember how you were then?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I knew what you thought of me. You’d summed me up and written me off with one glance. I was so low on the food chain I didn’t even register.’
‘It wasn’t like that.’
‘Of course it was. There was no way you’d look twice at me. And yet, at the ball…’
‘You looked so different that night.’
She gave a shrug, a small laugh. ‘You never suspected it was me. You never had any plans to make love to plain old Philly Summers. And I didn’t want you to find out. Because I knew you wouldn’t want to know. It never would have happened if you’d known who I was.’
‘That’s not true.’
But he knew it was. He hadn’t looked twice at her, not the way she was back then. He’d had no idea what was hidden away under that brown suit and those glasses.
‘It was such a fantasy, that night,’ she continued, her voice low and wistful in remembrance. ‘And afterwards, afterwards I got so scared.’
‘Scared of what?’
‘I couldn’t believe what I’d done—what we’d done. I just panicked. I knew you’d resent me for what had happened. I knew you’d be angry. And even if I kept my job, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to face you again. I had to get out. So I ran.’
‘You thought I’d fire you?’
‘I didn’t know what you’d do. I had no way of knowing. I just knew you wouldn’t be happy to find out that the woman you’d seduced in the boardroom was only me.’
Only me. So she’d hardly been the type of woman that usually attracted him back then. Heck, did she have any idea about how many nights’ sleep he’d lost since then thinking about his mystery lover?
And then there’d been the Gold Coast trip. That was when Philly had started to look different. Her clothes, her hair, even getting rid of her glasses. Ever since that trip she’d been a different woman. A sexier woman. And he’d made it plain he thought so in her room that night. And she’d been the one that night to turn him away.
He’d wanted two different women only to find out that they were the same person all along. Surely that counted for something? He wanted to reach out a hand to her then, to soothe her fears and assure her that he did want her, but he wasn’t ready to do that. This whole discussion had left more than just a bitter taste in his mouth.