“Hm?”
“Because I feel like everything in my apartment is tainted. I didn’t feel ready to go back.”
“Kai’s place is like a vacation anyway. With the game room and the fourth floor.” I had learned the fourth floor actually boasted an above-ground pool and hot tub. “And he cooks for you. It’s a win/win/win to stay here.” She paused inside the doorway to my room, looking around. “He did this himself, you know.”
“The decorating?”
“Yeah. I mean he did the whole place, but this room is so different from all the others. It’s not his style. It’s…”
“Mine,” I supplied when she wouldn’t.
“Exactly. He went through catalogs and websites and paint swatches looking for the things that he knew would suit you. Because he wanted you to come stay here. I mean, I’m sure the ultimate hope was to have you in his room, in his bed. And he certainly didn’t want you here because you were hurt. But he always saw you here.”
“I don’t…” I paused, searching for the right words. “Understand that, I guess.”
“Because you’re not like him. You’re more practical. I get it. I am too. I wouldn’t know how to handle his feelings either, if I were in your place. When you genuinely just didn’t seem into it, I told him to back off. But… now I’m not so sure.”
“Not so sure what?”
“That you’re genuinely not into it. Into him. I was just out there, you know,” she added, leaning back against the wall. “When you looked over at him, you had that moon-eyed thing he always has when he looks at you. So… what’s going on? See, I figure that you haven’t filled in your family yet, or they’d all be setting up camp here. So you have no one to talk to about it. Granted, I am about as good as you seem to be at handling this shit. But that’s cool. We can try to suss it out together.”
“That, ah, sounds good,” I admitted, sitting off the side of the bed, taking a deep breath. “I have to admit. I thought you were calling me in here to yell at me.”
“For being bad with guys? Girl, I am the last person who can lecture about that. Remember Renzo?” She asked, and I nodded. I’d met him a time or two. He’d been rough and tough, dark-haired, dark-eyed, with a thick New York accent. “He ended up being some mafia enforcer. Whoops. I mean, it was good while it lasted. He could fuck like a porn star. Like with the intensity of James Deen and… you have no idea who I am talking about, do you?” she asked, watching as I shook my head. “Oh, girl. Up your porn game. Anywho, yeah, I have an enforcer, a Russian spy, and a Colombian drug dealer under my belt. Literally. So I am not going to judge you.”
“That almost makes my conman story seem tame.”
“Totally. So spill. What’s going on? About Jameson? About Kai? Unload on me while Kai gives the boys details.”
“He was just… there for me.”
“Kai.”
“Yeah, Kai. I mean, he came over after the wedding. He helped me stitch my sanity back together. He hatched a plan to find Gar… Jameson. He let me unload all the feelings on him. And he.. came for me.”
“Yeah… he’s Kai,” she said in a way that clearly said Duh.
“He kissed me.”
“Whaaaat?” Miller asked, mouth opening yet somehow managing to smile at the same time. “I’m going to need more details than that.”
“I had asked him why he liked me. Even though I didn’t seem to return the feelings. And he explained how he didn’t like me because I wanted him, he just liked me. And I asked if he didn’t want me to like him… and yeah. We kissed.”
“And you’re not like behind locked doors getting fucked seven ways to Sunday because…”
“Because he stopped it.”
“What? Why?”
“Because he thought I was too vulnerable, that I would regret it.”
“Oh, that idiot. I mean he’s well-intentioned, but he’s such an idiot.”
“That was when I went downstairs for some air… and when Gar… Jameson found me.”
“He didn’t…” she trailed off, but the implication was there.
“No. He just hit me and said some awful stuff. Then Kai came and got me.”
“He totally did the white horse thing on you. That is some serious cheesy romantic shit.”
“It kind of was.”
“And yet he still didn’t make a move.”
“Well, I had like a hundred splinters in my hands that he took out. My head had a still fresh cut on the back. I had a wicked migraine. We just talked. And went to sleep.”
“So, what I am hearing here is… you have changed your mind about Kai.”
Had I?
I guess I had.
Maybe that wasn’t even accurate.
Maybe I had just changed my opinion on his potential as a partner.
Now that I was ready to burn my list.