Gentle is needed, but I am not capable of gentle right now.
“What the hell was the last month?” I demand, my voice furious. Suddenly, I remember I’m on her parents’ front stoop, in her parents’ neighborhood, and take a deep breath. “Let me in, Regina, or so help me god, I will shout so loud that your neighbors call the cops.”
She nods, her pink lips quivering. I step inside and close the door behind me and look around. It’s a cozy little set-up with needlepoint mounted on the walls with sayings such as “Home is Where the Heart Is” and “Bless This Home And All Who Enter.”
I grit my teeth. I would love nothing more than to take Regina home with me now. To my home. But first, we need to work some things out.
“Are your parents here?”
She shakes her head.
“Dad’s at golf, and Mom’s at a garden show.” Her voice is oddly quiet, and oddly wistful too, but I can’t imagine why.
I take a deep breath.
“Regina, what’s going on? I thought we loved one another. I thought we had something good going. I thought you loved my kids, and that we were working to something that could be …”
My words halt when I her open laptop on the dining room table. She’d obviously been in the middle of browsing because the screen shows a design for a baby nursery with yellow walls, dancing barn animals and clouds with smiles. There are other tabs open, and my guess is that they lead to more baby items. I look at her face. She was already ashen and worn. Now she looks even more pale and faint.
“You’re pregnant,” I blurt.
Regina looks like she is going to cry. She puts her hand over her belly as though she can somehow hide what’s growing inside of her from me. She doesn’t respond, though, and keeping my composure is all but impossible now.
“Are you pregnant?” I demand again, my own voice shaking a bit.
Her bottom lip trembles as she nods. Then, she straightens, and there’s determination in her eyes. “Yes, I am, but you don’t have to worry about anything, Ryan,” she says. “We don’t want anything from you. I won’t even put your name on the birth certificate, if that’s what you want. I’ll take care of the baby myself, and with my parents’ assistance, I can do it.”
She continues talking, but I can’t hear. We’re having a baby together? My heart stops and my knees feel weak. My hand literally goes to the wall so that I don’t stagger and fall to the floor.
“We made a baby,” she continues. Her voice sounds a bit far off, but it’s slowly growing louder in volume. “We made love so many times at your house and you know that we used protection, but there were a few times when we just got caught up in the moment.”
I’m reeling. I can’t think clearly. She has my baby inside of her. She has my baby inside of her! Meanwhile, Regina keeps talking. Her voice is louder now, and I can hear the words better over the ringing in my ears.
“I know what this means to you,” she says. “I remember how you said that you didn’t want any more kids, and that’s okay. I respect your decision, Ryan, and recognize that this baby is mine to shelter on my own. Again, it was so stupid of me not to pay better attention, and I don’t expect anything from you. I’m not going to try to sue you or force you into anything. I’ll sign anything your lawyers draft and—”
Suddenly, I leap into motion. One moment, I’m leaning listlessly against the wall like I’m going to fall over, and the next, I’m standing in front of her with enraged eyes.
“My name sure as hell will be on that birth certificate,” I snarl. “If you even think of leaving me off, I will …”
Her chin goes up.
“You will what, Ryan?” she asks. “Claim this baby? Take him or her as your son or daughter? Acknowledge them, and raise them with Rico, Ronnie, Rebecca, Rufus and Rachel?”
That does it. She’s baiting me, and I don’t give a damn.
“Yes!” I roar. “That’s what I want for my child. I want this baby. I want to have a child with you. Why would you ever think otherwise?”
That shuts Regina up. She stands there looking at me, her brown eyes confused.
“I’m sorry?”
“Will you shut the hell up?” I roar. “Jesus Christ! Why would you think you have to take care of everything? I. Want. This. Baby. Why would you think otherwise?”
Now, she’s utterly lost. She swallows hard and says, “Ryan, I distinctly remember having a conversation with you where you said you were done expanding your family. You already have five children and it’s too much for you. You’re exhausted, crazed, and upset that your children don’t have a mother. You’re a stressed single dad with an empire to manage. It’s okay. You don’t have to change your views because I’ll take care of this baby. You don’t have to do anything.”