His eyes rove over my face, his gaze taking in everything. Then very slowly, they drop to my heaving breasts, and the look becomes predatory. But when he looks up again, his eyes are the casual blue of a sunny day.
“It means a lot to hear you say that,” Ryan says in a deep tone. “Although, if I could do it all over again, I think I’d stop at two or three children. How do I give away some of my kids?” Then he laughs. “Just kidding of course. Obviously, I wouldn’t trade any of them away. I love them. I swear.”
I laugh.
“I know what you mean. My friend says she’d sell her children for five dollars each.”
He nods, commiserating.
“It’s incredibly tough. Their mom’s not in the picture, and sometimes I feel like I can’t love them enough to make up for what they don’t have.”
I nod.
“Five kids is a lot for anyone, let alone a single dad.”
He nods.
“That’s part of the reason why I don’t want more. But they don’t seem to be too much for you,” Ryan says after a pause. “They bonded with you so quickly, Regina.” I warm even more at his admiration. Maybe it’s the drink making me heady. Either way, my thoughts are turning in completely inappropriate directions.
“Have you always wanted to be a nanny?” he asks idly, swishing the cocktail in his glass. I watch as the pink-tinged liquor swirls, growing a bit dizzy from the mesmerizing display.
“Well, not always,” I say wistfully. “I kind of fell into it after school. I was a French major, and unfortunately, there isn’t a lot of demand for French majors in the real world. Not in this country, at least. I started nannying to pay the bills and it worked because I’m a good fit. I love kids, the kids love me, and I kept getting more jobs. It’s not the most glamorous calling in the world, but I’m glad it found me.”
Ryan looks thoughtful.
“Actually, I disagree,” he says after a moment. “I think you’re the most glamorous woman I’ve ever seen.” My face warms again. What is he talking about? What could possibly be glamorous about me?
But instead of pushing, I change the subject, my cheeks flushed.
“So how does the world’s wealthiest restaurateur end up a single father to five wonderful children?”
He looks down and his gaze grows shuttered. Immediately, I regret asking. It was too much, too soon, and I’ve goofed. I’m about to apologize when he speaks.
“I met Sandy in college,” he says. “It’s your typical story. Fell head over heels with a gorgeous girl, and got married after graduation. We started having kids, and had a few good years together before… Well, things just changed.”
“How so?” I ask gently.
“We grew apart,” he says. “I was busy with my business and Sandy, well, I think Sandy resented being tied down. When she left, she told me she felt she’d missed out on her best years and wanted to have a chance to be young before it was too late.”
“Ah,” I say slowly. “Kind of like a midlife crisis?”
He shakes his head.
“Sort of, except that she’s young. Thirty-five is too young to have a mid-life crisis right? Especially if you’re a fit blonde woman without any wrinkles. Sure, some of it’s Botox, but I thought mid-life crises were for old paunchy men with combovers.”
I shake my head.
“Mid-life crises can happen to anyone at anytime, it goes to show.”
Ryan looks rueful.
“I know, but it was a huge shock. I never thought a woman could leave her children, much less five children. I thought mothers were dedicated to their offspring, but Sandy’s just not interested.”
“She sees the kids occasionally though, right?” I ask. The slump in his shoulders tells me the answer before he can respond.
“She…” his voice trails off for a moment. “Well, after the divorce, she moved out of state with her boyfriend and they travel a lot, so it’s been spotty. I mean, she calls occasionally, and she sends gifts for birthdays and Christmas, but actually, it’s been about two years since she’s seen the kids in person.”
I stare at him, stunned. I’ve known the children for less than a week and already can’t imagine spending two months away from them. Two years is another story.
“I’m so sorry,” I say quietly. “That must be really tough.”
He lets out a harsh bark.
“I don’t care about myself. But I hate the look of disappointment in my children’s eyes. Now, they don’t even ask about Sandy anymore,” he says bitterly. “And I think it’s better that way. The two youngest, Rufus and Rachel, basically don’t even remember her.”
I take his hand gently in mine.
“Your kids are wonderful, even if they never see their mother. You’ve done a good job.”
He nods again, staring off into space. Then, he rubs his face with his hands, his shoulders tense. His handsome face is clouded, and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen Ryan unsure of himself.