Taking the decision from her hands, I growled, “You need to accept this is all yours. I need you too badly to let you go.” I backed her up against the mirrored wall. “Tell me why I need you, Tess. You know the truth.”
Tess lowered her eyes, her thick lashes causing shadows to dart over her cheeks. She looked so demure, so innocent and f**king fragile.
My semi-hard c**k thickened to full mast in a millisecond. I would never be satisfied around this woman. All I wanted to do was push her against the wall and wrap her legs around me. I wanted to be buried so f**king deep inside her, she would never contemplate asking me why her ever again.
Why her? Because she made me f**king happy for the first time in my sorry existence. She made me stronger, more grounded…more right.
Her gaze connected with mine, glazing with glittering lust and need. Her breathing grew shallow and my eyes dropped to her br**sts, seeking out her hard ni**les beneath her flimsy shirt.
“You need me like I need you. I get it,” she murmured.
I ducked and nuzzled her throat, teeth aching to break her skin and lick. “And why is that?” My hand reached to cup her neck, not squeezing—just a gentle coax, reminding her she was in my power.
Her mouth opened and her body melted against mine. “Because…”
My body burned for her; my ears strained for her answer. “Because…” I licked her lips, begging her to finish her sentence. I had to hear why she cared. It meant the world to me.
My stomach tensed, recognizing yet another change in me. I would never have cared about another person loving me before. Now, I needed it more than anything. I would never be able to remove the dark tendencies I’d lived with all my life, but I slowly grew a capacity for calmness.
Almost as if the monster took what it needed, then gave me a brief respite where I could be the love-struck, considerate man I wanted to be for her.
Tess kissed me back, whispering into my mouth.
“Because you’re my monster in the dark, and I’m yours.”
Chapter 6
Strip me bare, pull my hair, I don’t care, just take me there.
I need that high, I need that pain, it’s the only thing that keeps me sane...
The lift doors opened, breaking our moment.
Q sighed, letting me go with a grimace. It looked as if he couldn’t stand the thought of not touching me.
I knew how he felt. Whatever existed between us was growing fast, and I didn’t want to move. I wanted to stare into his eyes and try and decipher him.
Q stepped out first, opening another door only a metre or two away. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t designer. In fact, the heavy riveted metal looked tarnished and weather worn.
“Where are we?” I asked as I disembarked the lift.
He smiled and undid the door handle, pushing the metal open. Instantly, sun beamed into the gloomy space, and I squinted in the glare.
“Come on. I’ll show you where I spend most of my time.”
Q beckoned me to follow, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I’d died and gone to heaven. Literally.
I stepped over the threshold and gasped. The entire Parisian skyline was there for my viewing pleasure. I ghosted forward, not aware of moving until I stood on the edge of the roof with the cosmopolitan city spread before my feet.
My eyes popped wide. I hadn’t walked over concrete, but the softest, brightest green grass I’d ever seen. Wildflowers, bonsai, and fully grown fruit trees ringed the roof, shading little sitting areas and water features.
Nestled in the middle of such an urban wilderness was a white sparkling building with glass walls all around.
Q came toward me, bringing with him the noise of wingbeats and small updrafts of feathers.
I ducked as a flurry of pigeons, blackbirds, and sparrows took flight over my shoulder, scattering from the garden into the limitless sky.
I spun to Q, trying to understand this place.
He grinned, eyes glowing with such blazing intelligence it floored me. This man ran a worldwide company. He dedicated his life to helping others, all the while hating himself for his downfalls.
I meant what I said—why me? What did I ever do so special to deserve him?
Only someone perfect and worthy and conflicted enough to understand him was worthy of all this. I hated my doubt—hated my need to hear him say he was falling for me, too.
Some part of me worried I’d never hear those words from him.
“Welcome to my office.” He fanned his arms wide. “I think it’s a much better use of space than a boring helipad.” He strode toward the building, sitting so proud, like a crown on top of his empire. “Shall we?”
I nodded and followed Q to his domain. A few brave birds alighted on the grass as we left them in peace.
This place was a sanctuary for wildlife in the heart of the city. The analogy didn’t escape my mind—Q built an oasis wherever he went, looking after those that needed the space to heal and be free.
As enamoured as I was with Q, and as much as he fulfilled me, gave me everything my sick, twisted little soul could want, he drove me insane. I wanted into his head. I wanted to know every minute detail about him, and yet he didn’t trust me. That splintered my heart, and I wished I could prove my devotion to him. That I would never spill his secrets or cast blame on his perversions. I didn’t like that he might never fully open up, that I may never completely understand the man who possessed my heart.
Q stopped just outside the building, holding out his hand.
I stopped short, eyeing it warily, so conditioned to expect pain or pleasure from his touch.
He huffed, gritting his jaw. “You refuse to do something as simple as hold my hand?” Hurt shadowed his gaze, and he let his arm fall.
I rushed closer and took his palm, squeezing it hard. “I’d never refuse you anything. I’m just not used to something so…normal from you.” I gave him a shy smile, linking my fingers with his until we were locked together.
Holding Q’s hand was so completely different to anything I’d experienced. Brax used to hold me sweetly, our palms a little sweaty—a boy and a girl fumbling with growing up.
Q held me with possession, and the rough-softness of his skin set my teeth on edge and my pulse catapulting. He was pure man. A dominant male who expected explicit compliance, all the while searching for a thread of retaliation. A complete contradiction—a man with two desires.
He held my heart, rather than my hand.
Q tugged me closer until our hands were wedged between our torsos. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered.
I gulped, drowning in his citrus and sandalwood. Most of the time we fought with dagger and claw, and yet in that moment, the intensity simmered to flowers and petals.
For the first time ever, our connection was sweet.
“Don’t go dreamy eyed on me, Tess. I’m feeling sentimental. That’s all. Don’t get used to moments like this. You’ll be sorely disappointed.” He untangled his fingers from mine and stalked into the building, leaving me shocked and alone.
Had I done something, or had Q realized how tender the moment was and freaked? I guessed the second one was more likely.
I had a good mind to steal Franco’s gun and hold Q hostage so I could stand a chance of getting into his head. Every time I was close to breaking through, he ruined it.
Sighing, I entered the open and airy office and froze on the spot.
Ice.
Terror.
Utter, heinous foreboding.
My limbs locked in place, and my instincts blared on high alert. The message was simple:
Run.
Run far, far away, and don’t come back.
Run, Tess!
It was the same body-steeling compulsion that made me so afraid in Mexico. My body quaked as I locked my legs from turning around and throwing myself off the building.
Q didn’t matter. The sun or knowledge that nothing evil resided here didn’t matter. All I saw was darkness and blackness and the stench of death.
Run!
I cried out, clamping a hand over my mouth, crumbling into a ball.
“You’ve got nice tits. You can’t hide them forever. Get in the shower and wash your filth.” Leather Jacket’s voice roared into my head. My healed rib bellowed in memory of him kicking me.
“Accept that you are no longer a woman. You are merchandise. And merchandise must have a barcode for sale,” Jagged Scar muttered, just as the pain of the tattoo gun shredded my wrist.
No! Stop.
I’m safe. I’m safe. It’s not true.
“Shit, Tess. What the f**k?” Q plucked me from the ground, hoisting me off my feet. Cradling me, he carried me further into the building before sitting on a white canvas couch.
Let me go. I couldn’t be there. I couldn’t. Ice cubes lived in my blood, greyhounds raced in my legs, wanting nothing more than to sprint.
I tried to get my panicked breathing under control, but my mind was back in Mexico, back with countless other women whose fate might have ended by now. I wanted the ass**les who took me to die. I wanted to be the one who stole their lives, just like they stole others.
“Tess. Tess!” Q’s voice was far away and I latched onto it, gulping in oxygen, swimming hard against the panic.
Something fierce and hot struck my cheek; it helped chase my nightmares back into the depths.
Q rocked me, crushing me against his powerful chest. “That’s it, esclave. Come back to me. Don’t you dare f**king leave me.”
My ear pressed against his suit and the loud rush of his pounding heart brought me back to reality. I sucked in one last wavering breath and opened my eyes.
I tensed, waiting for the room to send me reeling back into a psychotic breakdown, but it stayed bright and airy and completely innocent.
Q froze, letting me go, watching me with piercing eyes. “Est ce que ça va ?”Are you all right?
When I didn’t answer, he launched into a string of angry French. “C'est quoi ce bordel, esclave? Est-ce que tu peux me dire pourquoi tu as eu cette absence? Est-ce que tu me caches quelque chose? Tu as besoin d'aide? Pourquoi tu ne me dis rien!” What the f**k happened, esclave? Care to tell me why you had a breakdown? Have you been hiding this from me? Do you need help? Why didn't you tell me!
I flinched against his anger, hanging my head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened.” Images of Suzette suffering her own attack flickered into my mind. “Maybe it’s an episode? You know, leftover feelings from my past?”
He scooted me off his lap and onto the couch. The moment he was free, he moved to sit on the coffee table, shoving away large folders and binders.
He kept his hands to himself, almost as if he couldn’t touch me without wanting to break me in half.
“Have you had them before?” His nostrils flared, his entire frame trembling with aggression.
I shook my head, telling the truth. I’d never suffered so violently before. Sure, I had nightmares of the kidnapping and rape, but Q was always there to save me. This was entirely new.
I hated the feeling of being so afraid. I cursed Brax for taking me into the café and for not being strong enough to save me. I wanted to tear each bastard who hurt me into little tiny pieces. I wanted their hearts on a stick. I wanted to live without the awful memories.
But if you didn’t suffer, you would never have been sold to Q.
My eyes widened. After everything—dealing with beatings, degradation, and being tagged like a dog—life rewarded me with my deepest desires. Did fate extract a horrible toll, all in the name of granting my ultimate wish?
“Suzette lets my temper affect her. What was the reason for yours?” Q exploded upright, pacing away, jamming hands deep into his pockets. “It’s me, isn’t it? Being alone with me up here. You’re afraid. There’s no staff. No Franco to stop me if I go too far.” He looked at me with tortured, haunted eyes. “Tell me the truth!”
Heat and temper travelled up my spine, eradicating the last remaining chill. I stood up, pointing a finger at him. “Don’t make this about you. How many times do I need to say it? I’m not afraid of you!”
He threw his hands up. “Maybe you should be f**king scared of me. I’m the worst you’ll ever be with. No one else will come near you as I won’t allow it.” He thumped his chest, breathing hard, straining his immaculate graphite suit. “I’d kill for you, Tess. I have killed for you. Don’t undermine me by fearing others. Fear me. Let me rule you!”
He rushed forward, capturing my nape. “My life guards your life. Tu es à moi.” You’re mine.
His passion, his rage, chased the rest of my panic away. But no matter how touched and honoured I was about his vow to protect me, he couldn’t stop the residual instinct that something wasn’t right.
My heart kicked into high gear as I noticed the wide corridor behind Q’s shoulder, leading off into the unknown.
I swallowed, trying to ignore it. An innocent hallway, nothing more, but my eyes latched onto the entrance, and the slow creep of spiders began anew.
Q followed my eyes. He frowned, then realization shone on his face. “You’re afraid of somewhere new.”
Rushing, he added, “Have you been anywhere else, other than your home in Melbourne and places you’d visited before?”
My brow furrowed, thinking of his question. Finally, I shook my head. “No. You’re right. This is the first place that’s completely new to me.”
He slouched before rubbing the back of my neck and letting me go. “I know what triggered it. You’re terrified of a new location because in the last one you were beaten and kidnapped.” His voice sharpened with anger and his muscles bunched, but he gave me an encouraging smile. “I’ve seen it happen with countless slaves that arrived. They all despise newness—newness is full of horror because you can’t mentally prepare for what you don’t know.”