I refused to look between her legs and see the sticky evidence of the best orgasm of my life. I thought blowing down her throat was amazing, but it’d been nothing compared to thrusting inside her.
I’d held back at the start, knowing I would be too big for her.
But like everything about Nila, she’d surprised me. She’d been able to take my entire length, and the moment I’d felt her body give and welcome, that was it for me.
I’d fucking lost it.
“Jethro—”
I held up my hand, cursing the tremble in my muscles. “Don’t. Stay here for the rest of the day. Do. Not. Tell. Anyone. You hear me?” My eyes narrowed, and I hoped I looked vicious and crazed, rather than unguarded and scared shitless about the consequences of what we’d done.
I knew what they’d do to her if they found out.
She didn’t.
It was best to keep it that way.
When Nila didn’t respond, I growled, “Promise me. This is our fucking secret. Don’t tell anyone. Got it?”
Wrapping her arms around her knees, she looked five years younger than she actually was. Her legs were coltish and long, her grace almost balletic. She was the perfect willowy female, but with soft curves and fragility came danger.
Danger in the form of being so fucking breakable.
“I won’t tell anyone, Jethro.”
“Good.” Stomping to the door, my mind was already on the things I’d have to take care of in order to hide this catastrophe.
Twisting the key, Nila’s voice stopped me. “When—when will I see you again? Are you disappearing?” The sheets rustled as she shifted on the bed.
I refused to turn and look at her. I couldn’t. I didn’t trust myself not to grab her and sink inside her wet, tempting heat again.
“Stop asking questions, Ms. Weaver.”
She sighed angrily. “So, we’re back to Ms. Weaver again? Stop it. Just stop it. Don’t run from me, and call me Nila, for God’s sake.”
Looking over my shoulder, I tried to ignore her flushed skin, her sated sigh, but most of all, I pretended I didn’t see the connection blazing in her eyes. The understanding.
It pissed me off just as much as it made me crave a simpler existence.
“I meant what I said, Ms. Weaver. We’re well and truly fucked. So keep that pretty little mouth closed and forget what happened.”
Opening the door, I added low so she wouldn’t hear, “You’ve destroyed me, Nila. And now it’s my job to make sure they don’t destroy you, too.”
THE MOMENT JETHRO left, I knew I wouldn’t be seeing him again for a while.
Sure enough, a week passed where my life fell into a routine of sketching, reading, and hanging out with Kes and the Black Diamond brothers.
On the seventh day of missing Jethro—of having erotic dreams that made me wake on the echoes of orgasms and of living with a heart tied into so many knots it’d forgotten how to beat properly—I gave up trying to hide my confused sadness and spent the afternoon outside.
The summer had finally given way to autumn, and the air was crisp. The leaves hadn’t started to turn yet, but they bristled in the breeze, just waiting for that certain magic to turn them from green to orange.
My latest sketchbook was almost full, and my fingers were chilly as I put last-minute details onto a matching sable coat that would go with my Rainbow Diamond compilation. Over the past few days, I’d created my favourite collection yet. Turned out, I wasn’t one of the lucky people who thrived on stress to meet deadlines. I preferred lazy afternoons with birds chirping and insects humming in the shrubbery.
A shadow fell across the paper.
Shielding my eyes with my hand covered in pencil smudges, I looked up into the golden eyes of Kestrel.
“Been looking for you.” He smiled. His face was open and scruffy with a five o’clock shadow. He wore blue denim jeans, a black shirt, and a leather jacket.
“I’m hardly hiding.” I spanned my arm, encompassing the pretty lounger, lace umbrella, and side table complete with a carafe of tart cranberry juice and sugar crystals.
“No, you’re not hiding.” His smile fell as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Have I done something to upset you?”
My heart dropped to hear the distress in his voice. “What? No, of course not.”
I waited to see if he would ask why I never messaged him back after his text of wanting to kiss me, but the questions lurking in his eyes suddenly disappeared. “Okay, just checking.”
Ever since telling my father off and hearing the passion in Kite’s latest text, I hadn’t been strong enough to turn my phone on. My past scared me, and I preferred to keep my head in the sand for a little while longer. Not to mention, I’d been distracted with repeating replays of Jethro thrusting between my thighs and an orgasm that seemed to live in my every heartbeat.
Tilting my head, I asked, “Why do you ask?”
Come on. Be honest, so we can get this out in the open once and for all.
Kes cleared his throat. “Well, to be honest, you’ve seemed…distant the past few days. Even when you’re hanging with me in the saloon, your mind is elsewhere.”
Yep, it’s reliving the best sexual experience of my life. With your brother, no less.
It’d taken a miracle for me to walk normally and not show the world that Jethro had bruised me deeply. I hadn’t stopped cramping for hours afterward. But I wouldn’t trade the pain for anything. As much as the discomfort drained me, I wouldn’t change a thing. Every movement—every clench of muscles shot my mind back to the pure bliss I’d found in his arms.
It wasn’t just sex.
I’d repeated that over and over again.
It wasn’t just sex, but I had yet to determine what exactly had happened between us. Debtee and Debtor were no longer relevant.
“Just had a lot on my mind. I’ve been worried about the Second Debt.”
Not entirely a lie, as the days ticked past, I freaked out wondering how and when I’d be summoned to pay the next one.
Kes sighed, looking chastised. “Shit, yeah of course. Sorry.” Running a hand through his hair, he perched on the end of my lounger. The watery sun dappled his face as he hesitantly reached out and touched my knee.
His touch warmed me through the comfy pair of jeans I had on. The grey hoody I usually wore when working at the Weaver headquarters was marked and torn in places, making me look totally underdressed.
“Do you need anything? Want to talk?” he asked. His face was earnest, young—entirely confide-able.
Suddenly, I wanted to tell him everything. About my crazy feelings for Jethro, for my regret over not replying to him as Kite. I wanted to purge and get it out of my heart.
What are you thinking?
You can never do that.
I could never confide. Not because I’d slept with his brother. Not because I had no words to confess how much I’d unravelled when Jethro drove deep and dangerous inside me. Not because of the traitorous truth—that in the moment when I’d come around his cock, I’d never felt so alive or so dead.
I could never confide, because my emotions for Kes were simple—I liked him. I appreciated his friendship and enjoyed his company. But that wasn’t enough for him. He might have gone out of his way to make me feel welcome because of some warped instruction from Cut, but he genuinely liked having me around.
I wasn’t inexperienced enough not to understand when another was attracted to me. The tingles of awareness when he looked at me made me blush and glance away.
No matter how much I liked him, though, it wasn’t close to what I felt for his brother. Which gave me yet more strength as Kes was the lethal one—to me at least. He had the power to undermine my newfound courage—the snake just waiting to coil around me and asphyxiate me in a hug.
I didn’t think he knew how nervous he made me—how anxious I was of his kindness.
“You sure nothing happened? You’re completely in your head.” Kes nudged my knee again, capturing my attention.
I smiled quickly. “Yes, I’m positive. Nothing’s happened, apart from leaving my old life and entering this new Hawk world.” I hoped the minor zing would stop him from prying.
Jethro said not to tell a soul about what we did.
I intended to obey him.
And I couldn’t do that if Kes kept asking me in his tender voice.
I shifted my knee away from his warm fingers. Sitting cross-legged, I said, “Thanks for the concern, but I’m good. Truly.”
He scowled, not believing me. But he let it go.
We sat in silence for a moment as his eyes fell to my sketches. “They’re really good.”
I stroked the page, thinking how much I’d love to start creating. I missed my studio back home. I never thought I’d admit it, but it was true.
“If you want to start making them, you can place the order for the material and whatever else you need. Bonnie will make sure it gets to you.”
“Bonnie?”
He smiled, showing perfect teeth. “My grandmother. She’s in charge of expenses for the business and family. If you want something, just tell me, and I’ll make sure she orders it.”
My mind raced with thoughts of demanding all types of things. How about a compass or a helicopter to find my way to freedom?
“Do you think she’d give me a one-way ticket out of here?” I laughed softly, knowing I could get away with such a joke around Kes. Jethro—never. But Kes…he understood that my captivity was fucked up and was pretty open with what he thought about the Debt Inheritance.
Was that a cleverly played ploy or the truth?
“Believe me, if there was a way, I would.”
I froze at his confession.
Awkwardness fell, and I hunted for a different subject before we treaded deeper into forbidden waters.
“Did you need me for something? Is that why you were looking for me?”
My body flushed with panic at the thought of paying another debt so soon. For some reason, I felt at ease, knowing the Hawks meant to keep me for years. Unless they had thousands of debts for me to repay, I had some holiday time between repayments.
Kes looked into the distance, drinking in the view of Hawksridge Hall. No matter how long I resided at this estate, I would never get over the impressive turrets, gleaming windows, or dripping wealth.
“I came as a favour.” He narrowed his eyes. “Jethro is looking for you.”
I blanched. My heart consumed with both happiness and fear.
What did he want? To punish me for what happened between us? Did he hate me so much that he’d blame the incredibleness of what’d happened completely on me?
That wouldn’t be fair.
But nothing about Jethro was fair.
He was certifiably crazy.
But…thawing.
“Do you know what he wanted?” I murmured, flicking the cover of my sketchpad closed.
Kes shook his head, spreading his long legs in front of him. “Nope. Where did you guys end up the night of the fireworks, by the way? You missed the grand finale.”
I fought to keep a natural smile on my lips and not relive the pang of breaking in his office. “Nowhere. He just wanted to make sure I’d behaved while he’d ignored me for two weeks.”
That was another thing I couldn’t tell Kes. The Sacramental Pledge Jethro had made me sign was our secret. Another one. Seems he’s dragging you deeper into his secretive world.
Inch by inch, he was drowning me in his icy existence, making me an accomplice rather than a hostage.
I shifted, sitting higher. Even a week later, I still winced from internal bruising of Jethro’s passion.
“You okay?” Kes caressed my arm in concern. My skin warmed beneath his fingertips, but it was nothing like the sharp sting whenever Jethro touched me.
I patted his hand. “Yes, I’m fine. Thanks.”
Kes was everything I wanted in a man. Warm, dependable, sweet with a kinky side he only showed in messages. If that’s true, of course.
God, it hurt my head trying to figure out these men.
Jethro was everything I never wanted in a man. Temper, complexities, secrets, and a dominating side that terrified. Yet I feel safer with him than I do with Kes. Was that stupid, or was there something instinctual inside that understood more than I did?
Why was I drawn to Jethro? Why did I have no hope in hell of ever forgetting about him, even while his younger brother was so much nicer? And why did I prefer the man who admitted he would kill me?
You can’t be serious?
I sighed. I was deadly serious. I wasn’t in love with Jethro. I didn’t think I could ever fall in love with someone who I could never understand, but I couldn’t deny I was desperately in lust with him.
So much so, my mouth watered at the barest thought of having him inside me again. My core grew wet at the slightest memory of what we’d done. And my heart fluttered at the very idea of conquering him.
Kes cupped my cheek. “Nila…talk to me. You okay? He didn’t hurt you again, did he? I know the First Debt needed to be paid, so I can’t get angry about that payment, but anything else outside what is owed is completely uncalled for.” Temper made his golden eyes boil with fire. “Tell me—what did he do?”
He made me doubt everything.
He owned me the second he kissed me.
He made me grow claws, and I like it.
“Nothing.” I smiled, laughing away the uncomfortableness. It wasn’t right to have Kes care so genuinely about my welfare, not when I didn’t know if it was true or fake.
If it wasn’t real, he was a fabulous actor. My heart raced at the concern in his face, reacting to the compassion in his eyes. It’d been a long time since anyone looked at me with…pity. V and Tex used it more than any other expression, keeping me in my place of uncertain, fumbling daughter.