I struggled to sit up. The two men holding my wrists let me go, and I shot into a sitting position, wrapping arms around my torso.
The hot sparkly burst that made everything so inconsequential faded with every rapid heartbeat. It was like being in the eye of the storm. Jethro granted me silence. He’d shared his heavenly silence and quieted my mind from everything I was feeling.
But now the storm gathered strength, howling, twisting, sucking me back up the funnel of horrors.
Eyes.
So many eyes upon me. Paintings and real. Men who’d seen me naked. Men who’d licked every inch. Men who didn’t care if I lived or died.
You let him control you.
You let your body rule your mind.
You let yourself down.
Crushing grief swamped me. I couldn’t be there another moment. I couldn’t sit there with residual sparks shivering in my core. I couldn’t pretend that everything was acceptable.
Jethro smirked, his breathing calmed as he dragged large hands through his hair. My heart broke into shards. How could he give me something so incredible all while hating me? His mercurial moods, his unreadable face—it confused me. Even worse, it upset me.
Visceral repulsion and horror howled through me as the storm grew in strength. My lungs seized as I flew up the dark wall of wind.
The compliant prisoner disappeared under a tsunami of rage. This wasn’t okay. None of this was okay. This is not okay!
Balling my hands, I scooted off the table. Keeping my distance from Jethro, I bared my teeth at him—the first male to drive me up a mountain I’d never leapt off before.
Him.
He’d had no right to make me come. To give me a gift not out of kindness but control. He’d proven a valuable lesson. He could make me do anything he wanted, and there was nothing I could do about it.
His eyebrow quirked; chin tilted with arrogance. He didn’t say a word, moving to lean against the door with his hands jammed in his pockets. He gave nothing away. No hint at how he felt watching other men use me. No clue as to what he was thinking when he made me come.
I was his to repay this horrible ludicrous debt. But he didn’t seem to care.
And that was what broke my heart.
He didn’t give an arse about what happened to me. Everything I’d hoped—the secret plan to make him care or at least tolerate my company—was smashed to dust. There was no pleasing a rock like him. No appealing to his compassion.
He has none.
Tearing my eyes from his, I glowered at the table. Standing tall, I embraced my nakedness. I throbbed with righteousness. I trembled with indecency.
I hated what I wore. It covered nothing and was theirs. I wanted nothing to do with them. I wanted to refuse their food, spit out their water, and burn their clothes. Not that they’d offered me any.
With suddenly steady hands, I tore the French maid’s cap off my head. I threw it down the table. The satin wood let it slide all the way to the centre where it rested like a stain, a sin—a simple innocuous thing screaming of wrongness.
The men didn’t move.
Fumbling at the ties around my neck, I pulled the hated pinafore over my head and balled it up. Standing proud, naked—showing off my bruises from vertigo and tongue smears from bastards—I spoke. “Look at you. Look at how masculine and powerful you are.” Pointing my finger around the table, I growled, “Look at how scary and dominating and strong you are. Look at how proud you must be. You proved you’re invincible by taking advantage of a woman brought here against her will. You used a girl who has to live her worst nightmares to protect those she loves.”
Stabbing myself in the chest, I whispered, “Wait…I got it wrong. You’re not the strong ones. I am. You’re weak and disgusting. By doing what you did, you gave me more power than I’ve ever had before. You gave me a new skill—a skill at ignoring you because you’re nothing. Nothing. Nothing!”
“And you!” I swung my arm, gaze zeroing in on Jethro. The one man who held my life in the palm of his hand. He was nothing. Just like his brethren of bastards.
Jethro stood taller, a shadow darkening his face. His hands came out of his pockets, crossing in front of his large chest.
“You…” I seethed. “You think you’re the baddest one here. You think I’ll cower. You think I’ll obey.” Running both hands through my hair, I shouted, “I’ll never cower. I’ll never obey. You’ll never break me, because you can’t touch me.”
Spanning my arms, I presented my naked form as a gift—the gift he’d hinted at wanting but hadn’t taken. “I’ll never be yours even though you own my life. I’ll never bow to you because my knees don’t recognise your so-called power. So do your worst. Hurt me. Rape me. Kill me. But you’ll never ever own me.”
Breathing hard, I waited.
The room had remained silent. But now it filled with rustling of leather as men shifted in their seats. The atmosphere went from shocked silence to heavy anticipation.
My overworked heart kicked into another gear, sending my vision a little grey, a little fuzzy. Please, not now.
Planting my legs, gripping the soft carpet beneath my toes, I locked my knees against a wave of vertigo.
Mr. Hawk was the first to move. He placed his elbows on the table, linking his fingers together. “I was wrong. You’re nothing like your mother. She had a brain. She was smart.” His voice dropped the chivalrous country man edge, deepening into violent snaps, “You, on the other hand, are wilful and stupid. You don’t see that we are your family now. The moment you slept under my roof you became a Hawk by means of acquisition.”
I laughed. “I’m still a Weaver then because I didn’t sleep under your roof.” My kitten claws sharpened. I’d never been a fighter, but something called to me. Something intoxicating and lethal.
He leaned forward, anger etching his face. “You will learn your place. Mark my words.”
I wanted to fight. I’d listened to their damn history lessons, it was time they listened to mine. “I may not have records so perfectly kept as yours, but I do know my family is innocent. Whatever happened back then was between them—not us. Leave it in the past. My family created a business of making clothes. We dressed the royal court but also donated to the poor. I’m proud of where I’ve come from and for you to—”
“Jet!” Mr. Hawk pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shut her up.”
Jethro immediately slammed a hand over my mouth.
I froze. I knew I’d brought whatever punishment was about to happen upon myself. I couldn’t blame anyone, but I wouldn’t let myself regret what I’d said. I believed I was a good person. So were my twin, father, mother, and ancestors.
“You just had to push,” Jethro hissed. “I’m going to draw blood for this.”
My heart rabbited but I forced myself to remember one important fact.
They can’t hurt you too much.
There would be pain. There would be agony. But they meant to keep me alive. I had debts to repay before my life was stolen.
Never taking his eyes off mine, Mr. Hawk, ordered, “Jethro. Teach this woman that Hawks are a forgiving family but there are times when strictness is required in lieu of allowing little tantrums like this to occur.” His eyes switched from mine to his son’s. “Take her. Deal with her. I don’t want to see her again until she’s lost the misplaced righteousness she seems to think she’s owed.”
Jethro nodded, jostling our bodies. His fingers unglued from around my mouth and he grabbed my wrist. Every part of me shrank from his overbearing body, throbbing temper, and granite golden eyes, but I forced myself to stand tall.
I growled, “Whatever you do won’t matter. What happened before will never happen again.” I would never let my body rule my mind no matter what he did. “You may be able to hurt me but you should know how pathetic it is for a man to hurt a woman. That isn’t power. It’s a weakness!”
He grunted under his breath. “Motherfucking Christ.” His temper increased until the large room pulsed with it.
Another wave of vertigo grabbed my brain. But I managed the impossible, fighting through the grey unsteady wave—staying on my feet. I did it.
I fought the imbalance thanks to letting myself unlock so many facets of who I truly was. I stood proud and naked, wearing only dried saliva and bruises.
Jethro jerked me closer, scowling into my eyes. He swallowed his anger until nothing outward showed—no annoyance or amazement—he was as opaque as a black iceberg and just as sharp.
“If you will, Ms. Weaver.” Suddenly he let me go, waving toward the double doors behind me. They opened wide as if staff waited on the other side for his command.
When I didn’t move, he snapped, “Now.”
My arms wanted to wind around my body. I wanted to hide from his intense gaze, but I fought every instinct, every urge, and elegantly pirouetted on my toes. I left the room as demurely and proudly as possible. Without a backward glance.
The moment the doors slammed behind us, Jethro grabbed my elbow, prowling forward as if the flames of hell craved his soul. I went from walking to jogging to keep up with his pace.
My vision lost its clarity for a moment, fading in and out as another wash of unbalance tried to steal me, but Jethro didn’t give me time to give in. He didn’t give me time to care that he dragged me down a corridor so wide it could’ve been a hall. He didn’t let me inspect the countless weapons—swords, bayonets, crossbows, and knives—or catch the eye of surprised staff.
I breathed hard when we finally crashed through one of the many exterior doors and were welcomed from brooding red corridor to bright early-autumn sun.
Jethro kept walking, not letting me catch my breath.
Dragging me down the four huge steps, I winced as the gravel bit into the soles of my feet. But he didn’t care. He didn’t even notice.
Our feet kicked up pebbles as he headed toward the treeline several metres from the house. I’d never seen this side of the property before. But the grounds were just as expansive and impressive as the other perimeters and just as dangerous.
This was my cage. Leaves and thorns and brambles.
And I’m naked.
The moment gravel was replaced by soft grass below my toes, Jethro tossed me away. I would’ve fallen if I wasn’t malleable and given up fighting his momentum. I stumbled forward, arms soaring outward as if I could suddenly leave the world behind and fly. Fly away. Fly free.
The moment I came to a halt, I spun to face him.
Jethro was right behind me. He fisted my hair, twisting my neck.
I whimpered as he raised my head, higher and higher. My eyes coasted over his crocodile belt, crisp grey shirt, and locked onto a pair of ferocious eyes.
“Tell me. What did you hope to achieve in there?”
He didn’t give me a chance to reply, tugging my hair in a painful jerk. “Did you honestly think before you opened your mouth? If you had stood there and been silent, it would’ve all been over. You earned an afternoon on your own in a hot steam bath. A maid to bring you whatever you wanted to eat.” He shook me. “What part of a gift for good behaviour did you not understand?”
“I don’t want your charity,” I spat.
He groaned. “It’s not fucking charity if you’ve earned it.” Lowering his head, his nose pressed against mine.
I froze, breathing hard.
“You earned it today. You pleased me by letting those men sample you. You surprised me in a good way.” The softness of his voice disappeared under a torrent of rage. “But then you fucked it all up by being you. And now…” He trailed off, ideas glowing in his eyes.
Letting me go, I backed away from him, grabbing my hair and quickly twisting it into a loose braid down my back. I hated the thickness, the length. It seemed to invite Jethro to use it anyway he pleased. My scalp had never been so bruised.
The diamond collar sent little rainbows of light bouncing from the sunlight. I would’ve laughed if I wasn’t so tense. I was naked but wearing rainbows—I never would’ve thought to combine magic with fashion.
Ideas for a new design line came thick and fast. I craved a pencil to sketch before they disappeared.
Jethro placed both hands on his hips, watching me silently.
I didn’t move. I didn’t say a word. The fragile ceasefire between us stretched uncomfortably thin. It would either snap and ricochet onto me with terrible pain or fade away like a feather on a breeze.
“I see threats don’t work on you. But perhaps a negotiation might.”
Despite myself, curiosity and hope swelled in my heart. “A negotiation?”
“A one shot offer. You win, you’re free. I win, you forget about your old life and give in. You say I’ll never own you. If I win—you willingly give me that right.” His lips pulled into a cold smile. “You sign not only the debt agreement but another—one that makes me your master until your last breath is taken. You do that, and I’ll give you this.”
“Give me what?” I asked breathlessly.
“A chance at freedom.”
My eyes popped wide.
What?
Cocking his head at the forest behind me, he murmured, “You wanted to be free—so go. Run. Go seek your freedom.”
I twisted on the spot, looking over my shoulder. The sun dappled patches of leaf-strewn ground, looking like a fairy glen, but then it grew darker and thicker and scarier.
The diamond collar rested heavy and ruinously ominous on my throat. My spine ached from the short time I’d been made to wear it; the coldness still hadn’t adapted to my skin. How could I run with such a deterrent?
How can you not?