I shook my head.
She scowled. “So what happened? Why are you like this?”
I tried to hold the tears back, I did everything I could, but instead they rolled helplessly down my cheeks.
She didn’t ask any more questions. She pulled me toward her warm living room and together, we plopped down on her couch. Then she held me in her arms, whispering again and again, “It’s okay. It’s okay. Whatever it is we’ll work it out together.”
The doorbell rang suddenly, making both of us jump.
I jerked away and we stared at each other.
Her brown eyes widened in the warm light of the lamp on the single book shelf behind her. The bell rang again, this time more insistently.
I sniffed. “Are you expecting someone?”
“No.” She stood up and headed towards the door.
I wiped the tears off my face and grabbed the remote to her television.
A few moments later, I heard Ella’s high-pitched voice, say, “Freya’s here? Just the person I wanted to see.” Seconds later, she appeared in the doorway wearing a fantastically skimpy dress. “Hello, babe.”
She peered at me. “Why are your eyes red?”
“Why are you dressed like that in winter?” I asked back.
“Have you forgotten?” she asked airily. “I’m on a mission to find a stinkingly rich idiot.”
“We’re still on that project?" I asked, looking away.
“Bagging a rich guy so I don’t have to lift a finger for the rest of my life? Yes, we are.”
“You know that was what my mom did,” I commented quietly. “Twenty-four years later, she’s a struggling widow about to be homeless.”
The room turned so silent I could hear the winter wind as it blew past, and footsteps of strangers passing on ground level above the basement apartment.
“Um,” Maddie began.
I turn just in time to see her share a perplexed look with Ella.
Ella immediately joined me on the couch. “You're about to be homeless?”
Maddie came over to sit at my feet.
"It’s almost certain. Mom mortgaged the apartment to open the store six months ago.”
“Noooo!” Maddie gasped in horror.
“How did you find out?” Ella asked.
“The university called to say Mom’s check had bounced so I went to her office this evening to look at her bank statement. While I was there, I saw the mortgage documents.”
“What did your mom say?”
I shrugged. “What could she say? Anyway, I am convinced she is deliberately refusing to understand what is going on. Like she is still shopping at the food hall in Harrods. And when I called her, she knew I’d be pissed so she went all out and got me Beluga caviar and steamed eggs to appease me.”
“Damn.” Ella used a hand to hide her smile. “Your mom is adorable.”
I looked at Ella in astonishment, but Maddie concurred. “Yeah, she is the best. Every time I go to her store I walk away with something new. I’ve already told her I’m in the market for a new mom whenever she’s tired of you.”
“Well, you can have her,” I replied, frustrated that both my friends could not see how bad our situation was. We were thousands and thousands of pounds in debt, and I would almost certainly have to leave university and get a full-time waitressing job, and Mom would probably have to declare bankruptcy, lose her home, and maybe even move into a Council flat. It would kill her to do that.
“Why?” Ella demanded loyally. “What did she do? I don't get it? She just tried to make you feel better. You’re the one sounding highfalutin now.”
“We’re already broke,” I said tiredly. “Why spend perhaps our entire eating budget for the month on Caviar?”
“I still don’t get what the problem is,” she argued.
Maddie turned to her. “Stop being so dense. Caviar is rich people’s food. Not for the broke and struggling.”
“Are you joking? Caviar is not that expensive.”
I stared dumbfounded at her, but I shouldn’t. Ella’s parents are moderately rich and she has had little luxuries all her life. Even now she lives with her parents. Maddie is from a firmly working class background.
Maddie held her hand up to her forehead. “I think she does this purposely.” After a few seconds, she moved her gaze to me. “How bad is it? Are we talking repossession anytime soon?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t looked too deeply, but I know the boutique is struggling.”
The room went totally silent again until Maddie took my hand. “You’ll get through this, Freya,” she assured me. “You'll be fine.”
“That’s what you all said to me when—” I still couldn’t bring myself to say it. Sometimes, I could have sworn that it was all still just a dream. Some cold distant dream that I was bound to wake up from. I straightened my spine and went on, “It’s been a year, and I’m still not fine. Nothing is fine.”
“You’ve smiled again,” Ella pointed out. “Remember we watched Sex and the City for days after to get through it all, and you asked the same question Carrie did. ‘Will I ever smile again?’ Well, you have.”
My smile was dark. “It was the wrong question. What I should have asked was, will I ever stop crying? Big didn’t die, my father did.”