Before I could open my mouth to speak she spoke again, her voice trembling.
“Don’t lie to me. You told me that you would never lie to me.”
“I won’t,” I replied and turned my face away. “I’m sorry, Willow.”
“So … you’re saying—” Her voice had become shrill with disbelief. Even though they had told her and even though it all made sense she had come here praying it was not true.
“They’re right. I killed your uncle and set his house on fire.”
As I had expected she didn’t run from the room screaming. She stood her ground, straightened her spine, and met my gaze head on and asked the one question I could never answer.
“Why?”
I clenched my jaw. I could do this. I could do this for her.
“Why did you kill him?” she repeated, her voice rising hysterically.
I continued staring expressionless at her.
“That’s it. You’re not going to answer me?” she demanded incredulously.
I shook my head slowly. I wasn’t going to tell her the truth, but I wasn’t going to make up some lie either.
She took a step forward. “Did he do something to you or did you kill him for fun?”
I shook my head again.
“You bastard,” she screamed. “Why? Why did you come here? Was all of this just some sort of sick joke to you? Are you like one of those serial killers that go to the funerals of their victim? Did you come here to gloat?”
“I never meant to hurt you, Willow. Never,” I whispered.
“Then what were you trying to do, by fucking the niece of the man you killed? And you cannot tell me that it was all a coincidence because you knew who I was from the very beginning, didn’t you? You came to the shop and you approached me. Why? Did you want to mock him all over again?”
“No,” I said harshly.
She drew a sudden breath. “That watch. That’s my watch, isn’t it?”
I blinked at her.
“Answer me, damn you.”
I nodded.
“Did you steal it?”
I couldn’t take any of this any longer. Anymore, and I would crumble right there at her accusation … at the coldness in her gaze, at the pain that had engulfed her heart.
“Willow, please leave. There’s no need to take this any further. You know the truth now.”
“And if I don’t leave, are you going to kill me too?”
That hurt, more than she would ever know. I took a deep breath and released it slowly. I felt as if I was committing hara-kiri on myself. The pain was incredible. Without looking at her, I said. “Yeah. I just might. When I get angry I … lose control of myself. You should leave.”
I didn’t need to look at her to tell that she was shocked at my admission.
“Is that why you killed him?” she asked. “Because you lost your temper?”
“Yes.” And that was the truth. I killed that animal in an uncontrollable rage. After I had killed him I kicked his dead body to a pulp. And if I had to do it all over again, I would. “Now leave. I don’t want to turn on you too.”
Her final words came out in breathless, difficult bursts. “I can’t believe … I actually fell in love with you.”
Then she ran out of my life.
48
Willow
All I could hear as I had hurried away from his office was the smashing probably of every item that was in his vicinity.
I was a complete mess. My face was soaked with tears, my heart felt like it had been ripped to shreds. I felt lost and alone and afraid. I was not afraid of him, I was afraid of myself. Even though he had just admitted he was a killer, and he had killed my uncle, I still wanted him. I wanted to run to him and punch his mouth and tell him to take it back and lie to me instead.
I ran to the elevator and got on it just as I heard his roar. I turned towards the sound then. I wanted to go to him. I wanted him to love me back the way I loved him. He was my heart. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I hit my own chest in despair.
Don’t. Don’t go to him, Willow.
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I pounded on the elevator button. When the doors opened, I rushed inside and clenched my hands until the doors shut. I closed my eyes and kept myself held tightly in check until I reached the ground floor. As soon as the doors parted wide enough to let me through, I dashed out.
There was no one about and I ran across the empty lobby towards my van. I slammed the door and drove home in a daze. When I arrived home my parents were sitting in the living room. My father was watching TV and my mother was knitting. She looked up with a smile, but when she saw me her face changed. She jumped up and took a step towards me. “What is it?” she asked, her eyes filled with concern.