I continued to hold her as she recovered. When I became concerned about the twisted position she was in, I lifted her into my arms and carried her down the stairs. She hid her face and hands in my chest. Gently, I laid her on the couch and wrapped us both in the thick blankets. I left the TV on so that she could listen to it to distract her. For a long time neither of us spoke. She stared blankly at the flickering TV screen even though I knew she was not watching it.
It must have been at least twenty minutes later, when I heard her small voice say, “That memory must have been from when I first arrived at Bitter Creek because I was so full of sorrow. I must have been mourning for my parents.”
“Yes, probably,” I murmured.
“My psychologist told me not to force the recollection of my memory. That my mind was protecting me because the pain and trauma of what happened was too great. And as time went on, and as I became stronger I would be able to remember things, but I never have. Not until today. Not until I saw that watch. Maybe I had one like that.”
I placed a kiss on her sweetly scented hair and held her even tighter to me.
“That watch … I guessed it must have been a gift from them. It felt like something I’d lost a very long time ago.”
She lifted her head to mine. “This might be too much to ask but, do you mind if… if… I have it? Just for a little while. I promise I’ll return it to you. It’s the first thing that has been strong enough to trigger a memory for me and maybe having it with me will trigger more memories.”
I had vowed that I would protect her, and instead I had inadvertently led her into this pit. I felt as if I was being ripped to shreds from guilt and remorse. I was a fucking selfish bastard. As if I needed to see that watch every night. I should have locked it away.
“Do you have to remember?”
“I want to,” she said simply.
“Why not let the memories come slowly, when they want to? Why force them?”
“You cannot understand what it’s like to know there is something there behind the veil. Something… I can’t explain it, but it feels as if there is not only sadness, but something sinister. Something dangerous. Often, it makes me feel I’m not living like everyone else. It’s as if I’m waiting for something… or someone. Like I am just existing, or going through the motions until I find it. I don’t want to be stuck in limbo anymore. I don’t want to run anymore. I want to deal with whatever is hidden in that fog and move on.”
“You can have the watch,” I said.
She reached up to plant a gentle kiss on my cheek. Then she pulled out of my hold, and stood to her feet. “I want to go home,” she said. “Will you take me home?”
34
Willow
“Aren’t you going to work today?” my mom asked from the door.
At the question, I raised my head from my pillow and turned towards her. I never wanted my mom to worry so I put on my best smile. “I feel a bit lazy this morning so I asked Sandra to come in early today.”
“Well, you rest as long as you like. You’ve earned it,” she said as she shrugged her arms into her robe. “I’m making blueberry pancakes. I’ll bring some up for you.”
“Thanks, mom, but you don’t have to do that. I’ll come down for them.”
She half-shut my door and went down the stairs. I returned my gaze to the window I had been staring out of ever since Caleb had dropped me off last night. I hadn’t been able to get a wink of sleep, and it was just making everything worse.
I stayed in bed, until the whiff of pancakes cooking in butter wafted up the stairs and into my bedroom. I jumped up then. As I was making my way to the bathroom, my phone vibrated with an incoming text.
I picked it up and saw Caleb’s message.
Feel like a quick trip away today? I’m thinking Palm Springs. We could be on a plane Friday, and I’ll ensure to get you back by Sunday evening, or Monday morning at the latest.
I stared at the message bemused. So this was what it was like when you had a boyfriend. They cooked large meals and invited you on weekend trips away. Before I could reply, another text arrived in my inbox.
Come on, Willow. I’ve been having a hard time too. Let’s forget it all for a day or two and just relax. If you feel bad about being indebted to me, you can pay me back later.