“All right, if you’re okay with it, then let’s do it.” I raise my knuckles for a fist bump.
Ayden laughs, but taps his knuckles against mine.
“What else did you want to tell me?” he asks as he drives forward through the intersection. “When you came out to the car with your dad, you said there was some awesome news you needed to tell me.”
“Oh, it’s more than awesome news, but I’m going to make you wait until we get home. Build the anticipation.” I prop my feet up on the dashboard and tip my head to the side to stare out the window at the stars peeking through the clouds.
I don’t know how many times I’ve gazed up at them, making wish after wish that I’d one day get to live out my dream of being a singer. I never really thought they’d give me my wish.
Stars, stars, shining above,
I’ve whispered to you
So many times,
Told you my secrets
And sold you my soul
In exchange for guidance.
Stars, stars, shining above,
I’ll tell you another
Wish from the heart
Then close my eyes
And blow out the light
And wait for you in the dark.
Chapter 11
Lyric
About a half an hour later, I’m sitting on the edge of the empty hot tub out in my backyard, wearing my favorite black bikini. Apparently, because no one ever uses the hot tub, my parents drained it. Since I have no clue how to fill it, I sit with my feet inside¸ trying to figure out what to do. My mom is working late at the gallery, so I was able to steal two beers from the fridge—my parents aren’t really champagne kind of people.
Ayden went inside his house about ten minutes ago to get changed into some shorts. Honestly, I’m not one hundred percent sure he’s going to come out, not when he thinks we’re going to get into the water and he’s going to have to strip off his shirt in order to do that.
The hot tub has a stereo built into it, so I mess around until I find the perfect song, “The Ocean” by Manchester Orchestra. Then I pop the top off the beer, sit back, and wait, hoping I don’t have to wait forever.
Two minutes later, my phone buzzes from beside me. Figuring it’s Ayden, I pick it up, preparing to read a rejection on my hot tub offer. Instead, the message is from Maggie, a friend from school.
Maggie: I thought u said u were coming to my party.
Me: I said I would try, but some stuff came up.
Maggie: U mean sexy goth boy stuff?
Me: Yeah, sort of.
Maggie: U can bring him.
No, I really can’t. With all the drama going on, there’s no way Ayden’s parents will let him go party it up without parental supervision.
Me: Sorry, we’re already busy.
Maggie: Now, I like the sound of that. It’s about time u two bumped uglies, just like I’m about to bump uglies with Sage.
Me: Okay, first off, bump uglies? Seriously? That’s what you call it? Secondly, Ayden and I aren’t having sex. We’re just hanging out in my backyard. And thirdly, Sage???? WTF?
Maggie: What? He’s hot.
Me: Yeah, but you two hate each other.
Maggie: There’s a thin line between love and hate.
Me: Not really.
Maggie. Oh, whatever. Sage is hot, and if I want to fuck him, I can.
Me: Sorry. You’re right. I didn’t mean to sound so bitchy.
Maggie: Apology accepted. Now, let’s get back to you and Ayden not having sex. Why the hell not?
Me: Because we’re not ready.
Not entirely true. Sometimes, I feel like I am ready, but I know for a fact Ayden isn’t.
Maggie: Yeah, right. So is it u or him? I’m guessing him since u asked me last week what it was like.
I scrunch my nose at her message and consider putting my phone away.
In a moment of sheer curiosity, I asked her about sex. Not because I’m clueless. I just wanted to know firsthand how bad it hurt in case, one day in the far, far, far away future, Ayden and I end up having sex.
Me: Hey, I have to go. My parents need me.
I put the phone down on the brim of the hot tub. It buzzes a few more times before Maggie gives up. I’m not upset with her or anything. It just doesn’t feel right discussing my and Ayden’s relationship with her when she doesn’t have a clue what’s going on with him, and it’s really none of her business.
A half a beer later, Ayden finally wanders into my backyard. He’s wearing a pair of black board shorts and a green T-shirt. His black hair is damp and hangs in his eyes.
“Did you shower?” I lean forward to get a better look at him.
He ruffles his damp hair into place. “Yeah, I wanted to wash the rain out of my hair.” He hoists himself up beside me, plants his bare feet into the empty hot tub, and discreetly but thoroughly checks out my body. Then his gaze drops to our feet. “What the hell? Where’s the water?”
“Yeah, so apparently, my parents drained it because no one ever uses it.” I hand him a beer. “I did manage to steal a couple of these, though.”
“So, what do we do now, then?” He pops the top off the beer and slants his head back to take a swallow.
I stare at the sad, pathetic excuse for a hot tub. “Do you know how to fill it?”
He shakes his head. “I’ve never even been in a hot tub before.”
“Not even back when . . .” I bite my lips to stop myself from mentioning his past.
“Back when I lived with my birth mother?” he asks, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s okay, you can ask me stuff if you want to. I’ve been working on it in therapy . . . I mean, with that kind of stuff.”
“Like hot tub stuff?”
“Yeah, like with hot tub stuff.” He scoots toward me until our knees are touching.
I stifle a smile because I can tell he did it on purpose, needing to touch me.
“And to answer your question,” he says. “My birth mother wasn’t really the take-her-kids-swimming type, and that includes hot tubs.”
“So, what did you do for fun, then?” I swallow a little bit more beer then balance the bottle between my legs.
“Get into trouble.” He gives a half-shrug. “You remember what I looked like when we met, right? That was basically who I was for the longest time.”
“What do you mean by trouble, exactly? I know you drank, smoked, and got into fights, but any arrests I need to know about?” I dazzle him with a smile so he’ll know I’m messing with him.
“No, no arrests.” He relaxes back and stares up at the sky while sipping his beer. “My mother wasn’t a good mother, and you already know that I didn’t know my dad, so basically, my brother . . . my sister, and me just ran wild from the day we were born. We got into a ton of trouble all the time and did a lot of shitty stuff. Sometimes, I worry it’s all going to catch up with me.”
“My dad doesn’t really know his dad, either. I guess he left his family when he was like six and started a new family. And, from what I understand, my mother’s parents were neglectful, although my grandpa turned his life around.”
When he looks at me in puzzlement, I get to the point. “What I’m trying to say is that, from some of the stories I’ve heard over the years, they got into a ton of trouble, but they turned out just fine. For parents, they’re actually pretty cool.” I clink bottles with him. “So, I’m betting you’ll turn out just fine. In fact, you kind of already have.”
“I still have a long ways to go before I’m fine, but I’ll admit that I’m getting better.”
My jaw drops in mock shock as I place my hand over my mouth. “Did you just say something nice about yourself, Shy Boy?”