“I need to pick up a new phone,” I tell her after I climb into the car. “It creeps me out that those people are tracking me.” Those people who I’m pretty sure work for my dad.
The thought makes me uneasy, especially with how my mom reacted. I need to talk to her eventually and find out what’s up. But I want to get on the road first. Get some distance. Clear my head.
Try to outrun this crushing feeling consuming me.
“You got it.” She shifts the car into drive.
So then we’re flying down the road, heading to a random place on a map. And part of me wishes I never had to go back. Back to a life full of lies. Back to my mom. To Carter. Back to the reminder that maybe I deserve this, for what I chose to do to Carter.
But the other part of me, the part connected to my breaking heart, aches to go back.
But I won’t listen to it.
Never again will I listen to it.
Twenty-Four
Carter
When I get back to the car, Ens is gone. At first, I freak the fuck out. I was only partially joking about that horror story shit. That stuff seriously freaks me out. So, when I see that she’s gone, I think the worst. Until I see the message on my phone.
Slowly, I start to put together what probably happened.
Fuuuck … she saw the message. Ensley knows.
Pressure presses down on my chest. I feel like my lungs are going to burst. I know the feeling. Have experienced it many times before.
I’m about to have a panic attack.
Usually, they’re caused by something my parents have said to me. This time, it’s about Ensley. That she’s never going to forgive me. She probably shouldn’t.
Fuck, what if she doesn’t?
Breathing in and out, I try to calm down as I call her. After two rings, I get her voicemail. I try again, and this time, I get sent straight to voicemail.
Great. She’s ignoring me. Not like I don’t deserve it. I know I do.
I climb into the car and shut the door, preparing to go find her. She may be pissed at me, but I’m not about to let her wander around in the dark in the middle of nowhere.
Before I drive off, I get a message from Gregor, basically repeating his previous warning. Knowing I might as well face the music now since he’s going to find out soon, I tell him what happened.
Gregor: I know you lost her. I had to send someone out to look for her and make sure she’s okay, but they can’t find her.
Me: How do you know where we are?
Gregor: I have my ways.
Okay, he’s starting to sound as creepy as my dad.
Me: I’m looking for her now. I’ll let you know when I find her.
Gregor: You fucked up, Carter. You really did. I hate to do this, but I didn’t get where I am today by not following through on my threats. If you can’t fix this by the end of the month, I’m sending your father the files. And I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how bad that will be for you and your sister.
I swallow hard, touching the scar on my palm. Yes, I do.
But shit, I don’t want to do this to Ensley anymore—play her, lie to her. Besides, she already knows. So how am I supposed to fix this?
Fix us?
Was there ever really an us? Or did I just want there to be?
My chest clenches as I back up, and then speed down the road to search for Ensley. By the time I reach the end of the dirt road, I still can’t find her.
I’m on the verge of calling the cops, when my phone vibrates.
I pull the car over and check the message, hoping it’s from Ensley. It’s not. It’s from El.
Elodie: I’m sure you’re freaking out by now, so I thought I’d let you know she’s with me.
I’ve never been so relieved in my life.
Me: Is she okay?
Elodie: What do you think?
Me: I’m sorry. I fucked up. I really did.
Elodie: Yes, you did.
Me: Where are you?
I highly doubt she’s going to tell me. Still, I want to know—need to know—so I can see Ensley and apologize.
Elodie: We’re going on a little road trip.
Me: Right now?
Elodie: She needs a break from everyone. Well, except me and Gaige.
Me: Gaige is going with you?
Elodie: We’re on our way to pick him up.
I don’t know why, but jealousy burns in my chest. I mean, Gaige seems like a decent guy and everything—a little bit of a player, although I guess I’m one to talk—but I know he’s close with Ensley. He’s spent a lot of time with her. More than I have. And considering I’ve barely spent time with her and I’m already … well, something I don’t think I’m ready to admit just yet … Yeah, I don’t like that she’s with Gaige. I guess I don’t really get a say, though.
Me: Where are you going?
Elodie: It’s a secret.
Yeah, I figured she wouldn’t tell me.
Me: How long are you going to be gone?
Elodie: A while.
Me: Can I talk to her at least?
Elodie: Not right now. She’s too upset. Maybe when she’s calmed down. It’s really up to her.
Me: It’s kind of important.
Elodie: Like I said, when she’s ready, she’ll call you.
Me: Look, some stuff’s going on. Some really bad stuff, and I need to talk to her.
I don’t tell her the truth, not because I’m not planning to, but because this isn’t a text message sort of conversation. It’s a face-to-face conversation. I need to tell her about our dad. Need to tell her what I just found out. I may not get along with Elodie, but she deserves to know that.
Elodie: Carter, give it up. You can’t always get what you want. Sometimes you have to earn it.
My gaze falls to the raised scar on my palm as I think about what will happen if I don’t fix this. It’s not the first scar my dad’s given me, but Elodie doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know about any of it. I thought it was better she didn’t. At least one of us could have a normal life, right? But if Gregor sends the files to my dad, a hell storm is going to rain down on our house.
I need to find a way to stop Gregor from sending the files without hurting Ensley. I can’t do that to her anymore, not when I feel that … I swallow hard. Well, feel that stuff I’m not ready to admit yet. Hopefully, I can find a way for her to forgive me. I need her to forgive me. Need to go back to that falling feeling instead of this crashing feeling overtaking me. I just hope I don’t crash completely before I find her.
I sit in the car for a while, coming up with a plan to fix this. Then, blowing out a breath, I steer the car onto the road and head toward my house.
First step of the plan: ask my mom who the hell my real father is. And then I’m going to find Elodie and Ensley and tell them both the truth.
Twenty-Five
Carter
I sit in the room in the dark, waiting for her to come home so I can catch her by surprise. It’s a move my father taught me and I fucking hate that I’m using it. But I need the truth and this might be the only way she’ll give it to me.
Around two o’clock in the morning, she stumbles into the bedroom, bumping into a lamp and tripping over her feet. She’s drunk. Good. This will make things easier.
I wait until she’s all the way inside the room before I reach over and click on the lamp.
My mom’s bloodshot eyes widen as she trips back. “Oh my God.” She presses her hand to her chest. “Carter, what the hell are you doing? You scared the shit out of me.”
I prop my foot onto my knee. “Good. That’s what I was aiming for.”
Confusion briefly swirls in her eyes, but she quickly shakes off the look. “Look, I don’t know what you’re up to, but I’m tired and don’t feel like dealing with you right now.” She starts taking off her diamond bracelet. “So leave.”
“No.”
She blinks at me in shock, probably because I rarely tell her no. “What did you just sa
y to me?”
“I said no,” I repeat in a firm tone, loathing the bit of anxiousness rising inside me. “I’m not going to leave until you tell me who mine and Elodie’s real father is.”
She drops the bracelet she’s holding, a shocked gasp slipping from her lips. But then she tries to recover her reaction and puts on a neutral expression. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do and I have proof, so cut the bullshit.” I rise from the chair and cross the room toward her. My heart is hammering, wired and scare shitless. “And you’re going to tell me or else I’m going to tell my father.” I point at the door. “Or well, that man out there that we’re both so afraid of.”
Her expression hardens. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll listen to me and drop this.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. The biggest mistake I made was listening to you. But no more. I want the truth. Right now, or I swear to God I’ll tell him.”
“Go ahead,” she hisses, getting in my face. “It doesn’t matter.” She points her finger at the door. “That man out there is a saint compared to the man who created you.”
I swallow hard, my heart rate quickening. “Tell me who he is.”
Tears flood her eyes. “You know what, I’m going to tell you so you can see that I’m right. And that you should’ve kept your mouth shut. That I know what’s best for you.” She sucks in a shaky breath. “Your father is Winston Maerriellie and trust me when I say that if he finds out about you and Elodie, you won’t just have your real father to worry about. He’ll come after you.”
I press my hand to my chest, making sure my heart is still beating.
I’m worried it stopped.
Died.
Part of me wishes it had.
How can that be possible? How can the most corrupt man in town be my father? And if so, what kind of a person does that make me?