Chapter 10
Thou Shall Break
Emery
After I report the window to the landlord, I return to my apartment. The window won’t be fixed for a couple of days, so I rip off the top of a box and replace the plastic with it. Then I vacuum up the glass and spend the next couple of hours writing in my notebook to distract myself from thoughts of Ryler possibly being somewhere with my mother.
What I saw that night,
when I snuck out of the house,
was nothing except wicked.
But the wicked wasn’t the people living in the Shadows.
The wicked was the people made of gold.
See, in Ralingford the rich have secrets.
And the poor suffer because of them.
They suffer greatly in the streets and in their homes.
I suffered right along with them.
My world was ripped right out from under my feet.
The grass and dirt crumbled.
Collapsed.
I had two choices.
Fall blindly into the hole.
Or run away from it.
Even though I knew it would be hard,
I chose to run.
I knew I’d be tested,
knew I’d be chased.
I knew I’d be broken.
Knew I would pay.
But, as long as I was determined,
as long as I fought,
I knew I’d make it.
Knew I’d survive my torture.
Little did I know that even after I escaped,
I’d still be running from the men.
That they’d break me into silence.
Break me
into
the girl
they wanted.
And they did,
For months...
And over those months,
I learned the truth.
All that time, I listened to the rumors
of my brother dancing with the devil.
All that time, I spent believing
that it couldn’t be true.
When all that time,
the devil was living
under my roof.
He was part of me.
Under my skin.
In my veins.
All that time.
All that time.
All that time.
All that time.
And then I let that side out.
Let my devil side briefly win.
I used my hands to take a life.
A life that will never be given back again.
I didn’t mean to do it.
I thought I had to in order to survive.
And maybe I did.
Or maybe I just tell myself that to sleep better at night.
“All that time you knew nothing, Emery, just like you know nothing now,” Ellis’s voice floats over my shoulder. “Because you’re not asking questions.”
I gasp as I chuck the pen at the door as the shadow of him fades away.
“That’s it.” I get up from my bed, snatch the phone from my dresser, and slam my fingertip against my mother’s number. “You want me to ask questions. Fine, I’ll ask them.”
As much as I know I’ll probably regret the call, I need to talk to Ellis, need to make sure he’s okay. Need to see if maybe he has answers. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have a phone of his own anymore, not that I know of in any case, which leaves only one option.
My mother answers after three rings. “I was expecting your call.”
“How?” I sink down on the bed. “I wasn’t planning on calling you until about three seconds ago.”
“You should have called me sooner,” she snaps. Rustling rises in the background and then banging. I wonder where she is but don’t ask, knowing she won’t be truthful. “But you’re forgiven.”
“Okay...?” What the heck is going on? “I just called to talk to... Ellis. That’s all.”
The silence between us feels like it drags on for an eternity.
“That’s all?” Her voice is clipped. “You just called to talk to Ellis?”
I bite on my thumbnail as I gaze out the window. Clouds have rolled in, and the sky is dark with an impending storm. “I’m just worried about him. I wanted to make sure he’s okay. I thought I could talk to him and see for myself.”
Her breathing sounds ragged through the line.
“Mom, is there something wrong with Ellis? Is everything okay there?”
“Of course everything’s okay here,” she says coldly. “The question is, is everything okay there?”
“Yeah, everything’s great.” My muscles wind into tight, suffocating knots.
“Emery, I’m going to ask this only once. Have you been taking your medication?”
I glance at the single pink pill on the nightstand. “Of course.”
“Are you positive?”
“Yes.”
“Emery, if you’re lying—if you haven’t taken those pills—your father is going to come there and drag you home.”
I recollect Ryler getting into a BMW I thought might be her car. Crap, what if they’re together right now? “Are you sure you’re not here to do that right now?”
“What are you talking about?” She sounds genuinely baffled, but my mother is equally as good at lying as me, if not better.
I trace circles on my comforter as I summon up the strength to ask, “I thought I saw your car at my apartment earlier today…? Were you... here?
“Why on earth would I be hanging around your filthy apartment?” she asks with repulsion.
“I don’t know… to spy on me.”
She sharply inhales. “Emery, are you even listening to yourself? You sound insane.”
“You’ve spied on me before. When I first started dating Evan.”
“No, we told you time and time again that never happened.”