Bubble bath and wine and a book tonight, I muse as I grab sheets from the closet to make up the bed. As I put the clean linen on the bed, I find myself once again thinking about my relationship with Marky.
In a lot of ways, our relationship was a happy one. We laughed a lot and always seemed to enjoy each other’s company. But in so many ways, the big moments always felt strained. Like if I wanted to celebrate an anniversary or insisted on a night out, he almost always seemed to want to avoid kissing or any overt affection.
Huh, I pause mid-bed making.
I’d always attributed Marky’s physical reluctance to shyness, but now, as I stuff another pillow into its respective pillowcase, it occurs to me that it was probably because Marky was uncomfortable with physical affection with any woman period, and not just me.
It’s the first really comforting thought I’ve had since we broke up. It means that Marky’s lack of desire to be intimate with me was about him. Smiling a little at the realization, I finish making the bed and step back to admire my work.
Just as quickly, my smile fades.
He wasn’t always so distant, I realize sadly. Marky and I had a lot of deeply loving moments, but it makes me feel foolish to look back on them now. I should have known something was off, I scold myself. I guess I just wanted the pretty ring and sexy husband.
“This is not a helpful line of thinking, Cora. Stop.” My own voice sounds loud in the empty cabin. I repeat myself, louder this time. “Not helpful, Cora! Stop it!”
Feeling somewhat better now that the bed is made, I make my way downstairs to find another distraction.
A little bit later, I’m finally settled in for my mini escape from life. I snuggle onto the couch, a glass of wine in one hand and my newest book in the other.
But try as I might, I can’t focus on my novel.
Outside, it’s growing darker and the evening birds are twittering away, oblivious to my tormented mood.
Sighing, I toss the book to the side and pick up my phone.
Should I call Marky? Let him know where I am?
“No, Cora. That’s not the point of all of this.” My voice echoes ever so slightly in the empty cabin.
Feeling lonely, I get off the couch and start turning on various lamps to warm the room. Well while I’m up…
I head to the kitchen and grab a snack. I still haven’t made any dinner, but I’m too drained to care. I bring the chips, some cheese slices, and deli turkey back to my spot on the couch and snuggle in to call Hadley on the old landline.
After a few rings, she finally answers.
“Oh my gosh, hi! Where have you been? Your mom called me earlier and told me that I needed to look after the store for two weeks or so but she said you’d call and tell me more later and it’s so much later I can’t believe you’re just now calling me! Where are you? The cabin number is showing up, not your cell.”
I laugh half-heartedly at Hadley’s dizzying tirade.
“Sorry, Hads,” I offer meekly. “I meant to call earlier but I was just trying to settle in.”
“Settle in? Where are you? Are you at the cabin? Are you okay?” I can hear the panic in my best friend’s voice.
“Yes, yeah, sorry, I’m fine. And yes, I’m up at the cabin. And yes, I was wondering if you could take care of the store for the next week or maybe even two?”
“Oooh, the cabin? Is it a romantic getaway with your fiancé?” Hadley squeals.
I wince. I have to tell her. Taking a deep breath, I share my embarrassing news. “Hadley, Marky and I…. we broke up.”
“What? No! Why? What happened?”
I don’t want to talk about it, but I have to let my friend know the truth. Well, most of it. I decide it’s Marky’s decision to let other people know about his sexual orientation, but I can give Hadley a half-truth.
“It’s complicated, and a little too personal. But um, let’s just say that Marky realized he’s not really in love with me and honestly, it’s all for the best.”
“Cora, I am so sorry. I don’t know what to say. I thought for sure you two had a storybook romance.” Hadley sighs on the other end of the line. “I was so happy for you. I can’t believe you’re going through this.”
I’m touched by Hadley’s compassion. Sometimes she’s a little bit ditzy, but my best friend is always sincere and her words mean a lot to me.
Besides, we both love Happily Ever Afters, and are disappointed when they don’t happen. Like me, Hadley has a passion for romance and when I first told her I was dating my former high school crush, she was nothing but supportive. Never once did she tell me I was out of my league or that it wasn’t going to last.