“I taught him to wait for the green light. We did a few practice rounds together. You’ve got to let go a little, give him some freedom. I know you feel protective, and it’s understandable, but you have to push him to be as autonomous as possible.”
“I just…” I swallow. “I just don’t know. I feel responsible.”
She leaves her beer on the table and takes my shoulders. “It’s not your fault. It was an accident. You have to let it go.”
I wipe at the unwelcome tears in my eyes and look away. “I know.”
“Hey.” She wipes my face with her palms. “Everything’s going to be all right. It’ll work out. You’ll see.”
“Sure.” I only say it to placate Kris, because once she’s on a roll, she won’t stop until she believes she has me convinced. Kris is the queen of positive thinking, and for that I’m as grateful as I am for her giving me a job and taking Charlie in.
“Come on.” She hooks her arm around mine and drags me to the lounge. “Let’s watch a stupid sitcom and laugh ourselves silly.”
“I don’t know.” I pull back. “I have to get to the flat.”
“What, now?” She points at the window. “It’s pitch black dark outside. How will you get there? I’m not letting you out of this house tonight. You can bum on the couch. By the way, I cleaned up your place and emptied out the fridge.”
Tears of gratitude stream over my face. I really need to put a cork in it, but it’s as if the dam wall has broken.
“Now, now.” She hugs me tightly. “Tomorrow is another day.”
* * *
I work all Sunday in the practice, and after buying a few groceries to stock up Kris’ cupboards, I head out to Berea in a minivan taxi before it gets dark. The agent I called that morning is waiting for me in front of the building when I arrive. I wonder about Jerry, but I already see from the street his windows are dark. When we exit the stairs on my floor, my heart lurches. The door stands ajar.
“Wait,” the elderly gentleman says, pushing me aside.
He takes a pistol from the waistband of his pants and nudges the door open with his shoe.
Chaos greets us. Every single cupboard is open. Broken crockery is scattered over the floor. The mattress is shredded, foam peeling from cuts in the fabric. The cushions have been destroyed, too.
He lowers the gun. “Is anything valuable gone?”
I shake my head. There was nothing, except for our kitchen utensils. “Why would anyone do this?”
“Destruction. They don’t need any other reason.”
We study the door together. It’s not broken.
“The bastards picked the locks,” he says, confirming my deduction.
As I start sweeping up broken glass and porcelain, the agent inspects the ruined space. He ums and ahs, testing the taps and the button to flush the toilet.
“Everything looks clean,” he finally says, “but it’s tough selling in Berea these days.”
My heart sinks, even if I know no one in their right mind will buy a place in the heart of drug valley, and those who’ll risk it here don’t pay rent. They simply take or vandalize.
“Can you try? I really need the money.”
“Don’t we all? What about the furniture?”
“I’m having it picked up by a pawn shop.” Kris gave me the contact. They offered me a few bucks for our belongings.
“I’ll keep in touch.”
After he’s gone, I ensure the fridge is empty and have a shower before I switch off the geyser. Tomorrow, I’ll have the electricity and water cut. It’s additional bills I don’t have to worry about. The money will go to Kris to help pay for Charlie’s part of the living expenses. Tonight is the last night I plan on spending here. I never want to come back. When I’m done paying Charlie’s debt, I’ll join Kris in her practice and get Charlie and me a place of our own. Kris promised me a full partnership when I graduate from vet school.
It takes a good couple of hours to clean up the flat, after which my grumbling tummy reminds me I haven’t eaten since lunch. I drink a glass of water, but the hunger pains won’t go away. There’s nothing in the cupboards. The thieves took all the tinned and dry food that was left. There’s ten bucks in my bag from the allowance Gabriel paid me, but I’ll need it for taxi fare. I turn the broken side of the mattress onto the bedframe and make the bed, trying not to think about food. I double-check that the door is locked. The new door is sturdy and comes with a deadbolt on the inside, which I slide into place. It gives me a small amount of added security.
Sometime during the night, there’s a thunderstorm. I lie awake, watching the lightning run across the sky and listening to the drops falling on the roof. I long for Charlie and Puff. A selfish part of me wishes they were here so I could hold them in my arms, while the logical part of me is happy that they’re free from this hell. It’s a miracle that I’m here, unbound, that despite my debt, I have a measure of freedom. It gives me hope. Maybe Magda has some fairness inside of her. My thoughts drift to Gabriel as I fall asleep, and my dreams are filled with disturbingly erotic images of his scarred body.