Cade swung back to face me. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“You haven’t touched me in weeks. And the one time we do start to make love, you pull away from me and hide in the bathroom.”
He brows shot in and his tight jaw ticked.
“I’m mind-fucked, in every way,” he said darkly.
I shook my head. He didn’t get to brush it off that easy.
“Stop pushing me away,” I begged.
“I’m not,” he said gruffly.
“If you don’t want me—”
“Not want you?” He stalked back to me and grabbed hold of my arms. “You’re the reason I fucking breathe!”
“Then why won’t you let me back in?” I cried.
“Because I’m fucking terrified!” he yelled.
He let me go and took a step backwards, stunned by his own admission. His eyes were wild, his chest heaving, his mouth wet as he dragged his tongue over his lips.
“Of me?” I asked. “Of us?”
The emotion was bright in his eyes. His pulse thumped against his throat. As he ran his hand through his hair, he sucked in a deep breath to steady his nerves. Energy bounced off him.
“Losing Isaac broke my heart,” he said, the agony in his voice as evident as the pain on his face. “But losing you would end me. Do you understand that? It would kill me.”
I reached up and smoothed my fingers across his beautiful face. His admission slowly tempered our fight.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said.
“Neither was Isaac. Now he’s dead.” His face softened, and for the briefest of moments, he looked pained and . . . tormented. He turned away, his broad shoulders almost blocking the light from the window.
“I miss him,” he said hoarsely.
We stood across from each other, only a few feet separating us, but the distance seemed much greater.
“Please don’t push me away,” I pleaded softly. Tears burned in my eyes. “I love you so much.” I wrapped my arms around my waist and let the first tear fall. “Because I couldn’t stand losing you for a second time.”
CADE
I turned away from the window and looked at my queen with her arms wrapped around her waist, and shame rolled through me. In my grief and guilt over Isaac’s death, I had abandoned her because I was so distracted by my lust for revenge and my own self-loathing and blame. I had shut her out. I had hurt her. I hadn’t touched her in weeks, and now she thought I didn’t want her anymore. And why wouldn’t she think that? It’s what anyone would think.
Fuck, I was an asshole.
I was spinning out of control.
She was the most important thing in the world to me and I was torturing her every time I walked away from her. With every missed kiss. With every missed night in our bed.
My anger dampened and I went to her. I closed the space between us, and when she turned away, I turned her back to face me and lifted her chin so she had no choice but to look at me.
“There is nothing more important in this world to me than you,” I said softly.
Tears slid down her cheeks and I gently wiped them away with my thumbs, feeling my own heart shatter with her pain. I bent my head to kiss her damp face. She exhaled deeply and I felt her body soften against mine.
“You’re such an asshole,” she whispered.
I held her face in my hands and pressed my lips to hers, opening her mouth with my tongue and taking command of her lips. She melted against me, but I could feel her anger and the hurt in her kiss and I hated myself for the pain I was causing her. Words weren’t going to fix this. I was going to show her how I felt about her.
I wiped away a lock of hair from her face and looked into her big brown eyes.
“I’m sorry I’ve been shutting you out.” I cradled her face in my hands and kissed the corner of her mouth. “I’m sorry for hurting you.” I kissed the other corner. “I could live a million years and never deserve you.” I slid my tongue between her lips teasingly and felt my longing for her take up inside of me. “But I love you so damn much it hurts.” I thrust my tongue in and felt her melt into me. She moaned against my mouth and my body raged with need. My cock hardened as my fingers tangled through her hair and I kissed her hard until she was breathless.
When I broke away, I raised her hand to my lips and brushed them against the silver and turquoise band on her ring finger. It was the ring I had put there when making love to her on her return from Seattle.
“This should be permanent,” I said.
She looked up at me and blinked away her tears. “Don’t even think about asking me to marry you after you’ve made me cry.”