She had my best interests at heart, yet I still couldn’t wipe the glare from my face.
All I wanted was escape. From all of this.
But that was the easy way out. I needed to learn that escape was not an option. Not anymore.
“You won’t be swinging your ass around any pole until you’re better. What’s wrong with you? Have you been to the doctor?” He mirrored his earlier concern, that time seeming more intent on getting an answer.
I would rather die than have this moment drenched even more in the shame that came with the truth.
“I’m fine,” I lied.
He scowled at me. “Bitches around here need to stop saying they’re fine when they’re obviously not. Every man worth his salt knows that if uttered by a woman, the word ‘fine’ could signify a fuckin’ apocalypse,” he muttered.
My blood reached the boiling point at his words, Rosie and Lily sending death glares his way as well.
He held his hands up in surrender.
“We haven’t seen the last of them,” Asher stated, ushering the conversation back to the more pressing matter before I could do something like scream in frustration. “Carlos knows you’re my old lady. For him to authorize this, for them to do that with my bike in the parking lot…?” He paused, his face grim. “They’re not fuckin’ around.”
“If what they said to me was anything to go by, they most certainly are not,” Lily muttered.
I went stock-still at her words.
“What exactly did they say?” Asher asked slowly.
“That we haven’t seen the last of them,” she lied. She was a totally crappy liar. I needed to give her lessons.
“Don’t get cute, flower. Now is not the time. What specifically did they say?” Asher commanded.
“Not something I’d care to repeat,” she said.
I swallowed my smile. Lily was holding her own with the alpha biker. If it weren’t in this particular context, I’d be high-fiving her. But this wasn’t a moment to exert her newfound stubbornness, not when she was in danger.
“They said when you got tired of our… snatch, they’d take it for themselves,” she finally relented under Asher’s stare.
I sucked in a breath. Then another. I tried to make it invisible, the fact that the oxygen didn’t seem to be entering my lungs.
“You’re going to the club,” Asher growled. “Both of you.”
“No, we’re not,” Lily argued. And I knew it was for me. Because she knew that I was walking a thin fucking line. One I was already teetering on the wrong side of.
Even if I fell, even if I relapsed and never got out of the hole I’d jumped into, I wouldn’t drag Lily down with me. I met her eyes. “We’ll go, Lil. That’s the second time you got hurt as a result of my shit,” I said, trying to keep my voice even. Trying not to show how much this was getting to me. “It’ll be the last,” I finished, staring at Asher.
“Damn straight it’ll be the last,” he repeated.
I sagged at the certainty of his tone.
“I’ve got school here. And work. I can’t exactly commute back to Amber at two in the morning. And I need that job,” Lily argued.
“Well, I can solve that particular problem,” Rosie chimed in from the corner before smoke could drift from Asher’s ears. “Gwen and Amy have been itching to get you back, but they were waiting for the right time to ask. For things to… settle down with you.” She paused, gazing around the room. “Things aren’t looking to settle down anytime soon, so I’m declaring this the perfect time,” she exclaimed with a smile.
This chick was awesome.
“Okay,” Lily gave in under the weight of four against one, though Lucky wasn’t saying anything, or smiling. He was just staring at me.
I ignored that.
Or tried to.
“But we’re not going to the club,” Lily added, giving me something to focus on. “I can’t study, can’t live… there,” she said, her voice weak. I knew what hid behind her words, the memory of that day three years ago when she and Asher started this whole thing. When, the very next day, she’d found out Faith was dying. “But there’s a place in Amber, somewhere no one knows about. Somewhere they, whoever they are, won’t find us.”
I blanched. I knew where she meant. Knew what a huge fucking sacrifice she’d be making if we went there.
I didn’t think I could hate myself any more, but life was full of surprises.
“Lils,” I whispered in protest.
“Where would that be?” Asher asked in a hard voice, interrupting me.
“My mom’s,” she said, her voice stronger and clearer than my previous broken whisper.
There was a long silence as everything sunk in around the room. As my disgrace in myself settled deeper. Took roots.
I figured I’d just have to learn to accept it.
Without any substance.
How fucking great.
Chapter Five
“We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in.”