Lily had asthma, and when she was in a high-stress or high-exertion situation it got bad. Heck, sometimes it came out of the blue. I didn’t scare easily; in fact, I didn’t scare at all. But watching my best friend suck at the air and not get enough to breathe in was fucking terrifying. Especially after finding out that her attack was triggered by two men attacking her in our parking lot.
Because of me.
Fortunately I knew how to deal with this, and all my sickness and the relentless itch disappeared. For the amount of time it took to get Lily’s inhaler and for her to catch her breath, at least.
Then the shake came back. The need. Because I needed this to be okay. I needed to find the contentedness that I’d found with the needle.
Because none of this was okay.
The only thing that was okay was the furious biker tenderly holding Lily in his arms like she was the most precious thing on the planet. That was okay. Because he’d protect her.
From the world.
From me.
Because even now she was trying to protect me. To pretend that she hadn’t almost been attacked, or worse, because of me.
“I’m fine,” she said quietly as her burly biker crowded her with his concern.
My eyes were glued to her, but the side of my body was aflame from Lucky’s stare. I ignored it. I had to.
“You were just attacked in your own parking lot. No one expects you to be fine, Lily,” Asher said.
“I am,” she replied firmly. “I won’t be if someone doesn’t tell me what’s going on.”
Shame cloaked me, seeped into my bones.
“It was because of me,” I whispered, barely able to speak through my disgrace.
“It is not because of you,” Lucky growled, his face dark and eyes imprinting on me. “That’s the last time you’re laying the blame of this shit at your pretty little feet, got it?”
He stared at me and the way his eyes locked on me, his words so sure, seeped through the broken pieces of me. For self-preservation, I clung to them. I nodded, unable to speak. I had to look away; that stare would undo me. I was already hanging on by the last dirty, frayed thread.
“They were here because they’re the scum of the earth who consider women property and don’t like it when they get told otherwise,” Asher cut in.
If I was in my right mind, I totally would have something to say about that. These fucking bikers might not beat their women and pimp them out, but they liked to exert some form of ownership over them. I’d experienced it firsthand.
But the difference was that ownership with them wasn’t chains. At least not ones that hurt and rubbed you the wrong way. No, their chains were comfort, protection, the kind that made you never want to be free again.
Those were the most dangerous.
Lily must have mirrored my inward concerns because Asher felt the need to defend his little band of brothers and their chains.
“We never see women as property, flower. Not our club. Women aren’t possessions to be owned and traded. Any fucker who thinks that is someone who needs to taste lead,” he declared hotly.
Despite my best efforts, my gaze flickered to Lucky, then just as quickly flickered back to the floor. Because his gaze was still hot on me, seeing too much while at the same time not seeing enough.
If he saw enough, I’d be free from the chains I was already seeking solace in.
“And who are these specific… fuckers?” Lily asked.
I grinned inwardly at Lily’s curse. She never cursed. The word sounded comical coming out of her mouth.
Lucky let out a choked sound. We all looked at him. Well, I didn’t look at him, just in his general vicinity, I was careful to avoid his eyes. He waved his hand at the group.
“Sorry, shit. I’m well aware of the need to teach these fuckers a serious lesson, but I wasn’t even sure you could utter the word ‘fuck,’ Lily,” he spoke my thoughts, like he’d plucked them right out of my head.
This was getting freaky. And not in the good way.
“You know Bex’s boss?” Asher asked Lily.
I was glad for the change of subject, though not at the way it was steering into reality. My ugly one. I didn’t need to reveal that in front of my new friend and my… Lucky.
Not mine. No.
Lily nodded. “I’ve had the displeasure.”
“The strip club serves as a recruiting tool for his main business, peddling flesh,” Asher stated.
I swallowed bile, but knew I shouldn’t be surprised. These bikers were part of the biggest motorcycle club in the state, and they had their very own strip club. They had to know what their competition was up to.
Lily nodded at this.
I hated that, that she was exposed to this shit. Women like Lily weren’t born to be rubbing shoulders with women like me. With the realities that were too rough for her fragile skin. Though she wasn’t weak. She was stronger than me.