He stared at me a long time, then down to the body at our feet.
“You got this?” he asked Gage and Asher.
Gage nodded.
“Good. Take care of Becky’s car.” His eyes went back to me. “We’re leavin’ now.”
He didn’t really give me a chance to say anything before he just dragged me out. I didn’t protest because the smell of blood was starting to get more than a little sickening. That and the fact I’d spilled that blood.
Twice. I’d done that twice.
I chewed over that thought the entire ride home, wondering what that made me. I’d killed two people. Evil people, yes. But two wrongs didn’t make a right, or whatever. But they wouldn’t hurt another girl or woman now, and I was pretty sure that was right.
As soon as we pulled up at our place, Gabriel yanked me off the bike and pulled me inside.
He slammed the door and started pacing. Then he stopped. “How did you know? Where he was?”
“Nat called me,” I said.
His eyes were dark. “And it didn’t occur to you that it could’ve been a fuckin’ trap? That they weren’t waiting for you to get there so they could take you away? Away from me, from everything, for fuckin’ good?” he asked.
I scrunched up my nose. “Not at the time.”
He did make a good point. I guessed I was lucky.
“I didn’t think of anything, really. Apart from the fact he was still breathing. Polluting the earth with his presence. Hurting people. Then all I thought was how good it would be if he weren’t breathing. That maybe it might make me breathe a little easier.”
Gabriel stepped forward and yanked me into his arms, all brutality gone. “You’re fearless, babe. So fuckin’ fearless that it scares the absolute shit outta me. You lay your life on the line for your friends in an instant. Without hesitation. Run in front of fuckin’ bombs for them. I need you to have that hesitation, Becky. I’m proud as fuck that my girl’s so fearless. But I need you to feel fear at the possibility of leaving this world. Leaving me.”
I blinked away my tears, everything that had happened hitting me in one fell swoop. “Don’t you see? Up until recently, death was the one thing I didn’t fear. It was life that scared the shit out of me. No one would care whether I lived or died. Only me. That’s Darwinian, ingrained into our psyches, as a survival instinct. I didn’t want to die. But I wasn’t afraid of it. If it came, it came. I don’t think about the future.”
His hands circled my neck. “Firefly, there’s so much wrong with that it breaks my heart to hear those words. If I could find fuckin’ Doctor Who I’d steal that fucker’s Tardis so I could be by your side the moment life started dealing you those blows. I’d take them myself without hesitation.” His hands tightened and his eyes twinkled. “But as much as it pains me to admit, Doctor Who is trapped in the world of TV and I’ve only got the future with you. The past, I can’t change. The future, this present moment, is mine. You’re mine. So I need you to hesitate. To think about the future. ’Cause someone cares if you live or die. A lot of someones, actually. But right now it’s just me, pleading with you to have some self-preservation. Still be fearless, babe. Still be you. But be mindful of the fact that, if your light goes out, mine does too.”
“I’ve got to be fearless,” I explained. “If I’m not, it’s surrender. It’s weakness. They’ll get me. Consume me.”
“Who, baby?” he asked gently, stroking my spiky hair.
I met his eyes. “The demons. The ones I live with every day.”
His entire body jolted as if I’d struck him, and he was silent for a long while. Then he grinned. It was small, but it was there. “Good thing you’ve got a scary-as-fuck biker as your old man, then,” he told me. “I’m bigger, tougher, and a hell of a lot more attractive than any demon you can conjure up. I’ll conquer them all, babe. If it takes the rest of my life, I’ll do it. So you don’t have to be fearless. I’ll protect you, from everything. Even yourself. A little fear’s good, firefly. Means you’ve got something to lose. If you’ve got something to lose, you’ve got something to live for. To fight for.”
“I’ll fight,” I promised.
His nose brushed against mine. “Good,” he murmured.
My eyes went hooded. “But right now, I don’t feel like fight. I feel like surrender.”
His body stiffened. “You mean what I think you mean?”
I nodded slowly.
He kissed me, slow and rough. “You scared?”
I nodded. “Terrified.”
“One thing in this world you get to be dauntless with, baby, is me. This. Us.”