Gabriel didn’t look at my body, his eyes on mine. “You’re beautiful,” he grunted out.
With those two words, so simple, yet containing so much, I found it again. I leaned forward, my face going to his, and he hissed through pursed lips, his restraint. “This is mine. And it’s yours.” I pressed my lips to his, tasting the nirvana of our kiss. “Whatever there is left to give, to own, you have,” I murmured as I pulled back.
“Everything,” he rasped. “You’ve got everything left to give.”
I leaned back, my eyes not leaving his. I didn’t say anything to that; instead, I showed him what I had. My hands went to my bra, letting it fall to the floor. Then it was time for my panties. I sucked in a breath and stepped out of them.
There I was.
Naked.
In every way I could be.
And I was terrified.
My eyes met his. I was terrified, but I was safe.
I padded forward, my thighs on either side of the chair.
“Fuck, Becky,” Gabriel hissed.
I leaned down to his jeans to unbutton them, my hand shaking as arousal pulsed through my body.
He grunted when I freed him, when I stroked my hand down his smooth skin.
All the while I was looking at him, into the gaze that had turned feral with desire. I had to stay anchored with his eyes in order not to wander from that room. Get taken back into the past. So I kept his gaze as I lowered down.
“Becky,” he hissed. “Are you ready for me?” His voice was almost unrecognizable with desire, but the concern was evident.
He was worried. Because it had been a while and there had been no foreplay. But there had. I was primed.
“I’m ready.”
Then I lowered myself onto his lap, guided him inside. We both sucked in breath at the same time. My body both rejoiced and revolted at the intrusion. The feeling of fullness.
It was a battle between the pleasure and the pain. The wrong and the right. Because the corners of my mind danced with demons, with the feeling of filth that came with his intrusion.
“Becky?”
I blinked the demons away.
And I won.
Just like that.
I still felt filthy at the edges, but I could handle it. It mingled with the pleasure and gave me something new, something that was so good it was bad. So evil it was good.
“I’m good,” I whispered.
Then I moved.
And it was beyond anything.
Because I had control. I found it. I owned my body.
But Gabriel owned my soul.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Revenge is never stupid, darlin’. It’s the single most satisfying thing in the world.”
-JR Ewing
Three weeks later
I was driving, so I didn’t pay attention to the number on the screen until I answered it.
“Don’t hang up” was the first thing Nat pleaded.
I was tempted, sorely tempted. One of the rules of the meetings Gage and I went to every week was not to associate with people from your old life. The toxic people. It was safe to say I hated rules, but this one kind of made sense. Hanging with the girl who introduced me to sex, drugs, and destruction wasn’t high on my to-do list. But I hesitated because, despite that, Nat was a friend. A kindred soul. She had her own shit she was running from. She wasn’t a bad person. Most drug addicts weren’t bad people. Mostly they were normal people who made a lot of bad decisions.
“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t,” I said.
“Because I know where Carlos is.”
I slammed on my brakes so hard I almost smacked my head on the steering wheel. Luckily there was no one immediately behind me or my shitty car most likely would have fallen apart around me.
I guessed that was why it was against the law to talk on the phone and drive. Made sense now.
I pulled to the shoulder and didn’t miss that my constant shadow did the same. I was surprised he didn’t rear-end me.
“What?” I hissed, once I was safely stationary.
“I know what he did to you and that your boyfriend’s club has pretty much scorched everyone who had a hand in taking you right off the face of the earth.”
She was right. I’d seen some of their handiwork up close and personal. Got my own hands dirty. With the good kind of dirt.
Things had calmed down a little since the whole car bombing thing, but everyone was on high alert. Gabriel called me about a thousand times a day, plus visited the club multiple times, despite the fact he had someone ‘on me’ whenever he wasn’t ‘on me.’ Which was, since that night, a lot.
I wasn’t entirely back to myself sexually, and the prospect of the cuffs still sickened me, but that didn’t mean I didn’t indulge in my addiction daily. Multiple times every day.