Gwen started to mix drinks, unearthing two cocktail glasses. It was pretty comical seeing the bar at a biker clubhouse equipped with cocktail making implements, but I didn’t think the Sons were worried about losing their bad ass reputation. It was firmly in place.
“So,” she said, turning serious. “You and Asher. That’s new?”
I sat down on the stool in front of the bar. “Um … kind of?” My voice rose up at the end, betraying me.
Gwen’s eyes narrowed, and she placed the bottle in her hand down on the bar to give me her full attention.
“Kind of?” she repeated with a raised brow.
My eyes darted back to where Asher was sitting with Cade and a couple of other men I didn’t recognize. He was playing with Belle. Cue womb squeeze.
Fingers clicked in front of my face.
“Lily. Do not go into a fugue state perving at your man. I need details,” she commanded.
I focused my eyes back on her. “Well, we may have had a … thing three years ago,” I explained slowly.
Gwen gave me a silent look to urge me to explain.
I chewed my lip. I didn’t talk to anyone about this. I had only told Bex, I hadn’t even told Mom. Now I wished I had. Asked for her advice. Somehow that thought had it all tumbling out right here in the clubhouse where anyone could overhear. And I didn’t care.
When the last word had tumbled out of my mouth, Gwen was staring at me with her mouth open. She closed it abruptly.
“You’ve always got to watch the quiet ones,” she muttered to herself.
She handed me a cocktail glass filled with amber liquid. I thought of Asher’s words the previous night about how I was running. About how alcohol helped me do that. I took a sip. I may have been stronger, but I wasn’t ready to feel it all yet. The full extent of it. To go back to the old Lily. I needed the new Lily right now. I wouldn’t make it through the night without her, not with more men and women arriving at the clubhouse as Gwen and I spoke. The weight in my chest intensified as I entertained the prospect of having to face the blonde woman again.
“You two acted like you hadn’t even shared a latte let alone a bed,” she mused in amazement.
I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed silent, sipping on my drink.
She rounded the bar with her own glass, sitting beside me. “I know you’re shy honey, that you’re quiet. But why did you feel the need to keep this secret? There’s too much of that around here,” she added with a sad glint on her pretty face.
I considered her words a moment. “I had to forget,” I told her quietly, my eyes downcast. “If I talked, shared it, I wouldn’t be able to breathe, be able to do what I needed to do for Mom.” My blurry eyes met hers. “I needed to breathe,” I whispered.
Her eyes twinkled, and she nodded in understanding. “You’re a pretty amazing person, Lily,” she informed me.
I glanced at her in disbelief. This woman, who’d survived a kidnapping, a shooting and losing her brother without losing the ability to laugh was telling me I was amazing?
“No, I’m just normal,” I replied.
Her hand found mine and squeezed it hard. “No, honey. You’re the furthest from normal I’ve ever met.” Her eyes found her husband’s. “Not that I’ve got much experience with normal,” she added lightly. Her eyes moved back to me. “You’re special. I’m sure your mom told you that, that Asher will remind you of that. But I just want to know I think that, too.”
I blinked through the tears at the words coming from the women I admired and wanted to emulate in some way.
She seemed to sense I didn’t know what to say because she stood, plastering a grin on her face.
“Right, we’ve got a sitter for the rugrats picking them up at any moment. It’s time to show you how an Old Lady parties,” she winked at me.
“You’re drunk, Lily?” Asher’s voice tickled my ear, and his hands circled around my mid-section.
I turned my head to meet his chocolate eyes. They were blurry. “Yes,” I admitted sheepishly. I knew he didn’t approve of my coping mechanism and I expected him to be angry. To my surprise, he shook his head and smiled. Kissing my forehead.
Rosie, who I’d been chatting to, grinned wide. She elbowed Gwen. “You were right. Hottest couple I’ve ever laid eyes on. Sorry, sis, they might even knock you and Cade out of the park,” she exclaimed, looking between Asher and I and Gwen and her husband, locked in a similar embrace.
I felt my face flame. I’d done my best to fly under the radar tonight. It was hard considering Asher and I seemed to be hot news. Luckily Gwen and Rosie hadn’t left my side. It had helped, but the weight in my chest was still heavy as the night wore on and the clubhouse became more crowded. It wasn’t late, and I was glad for Asher’s arms and the solace they offered.