She watched me drink with her eagle eye, as did Asher, but his gaze was intent, alert, as if he was expecting me to drop dead at any moment.
“Okay, my work here is done,” Bex exclaimed, pushing off the bed. “As much as I hate seeing you like that, at least I got a glimpse of your man shirtless. That’ll turn anyone breathless,” she winked at me then left the room.
I giggled slightly, the sound wheezy. Only Bex could make me laugh moments after an asthma attack.
Asher was not smiling. He was staring at me, his hand reached out to touch my throat lightly, then moved to my chest, laying it there for a moment. We were silent, his eyes didn’t leave mine, his hand moving on my chest with my breaths.
“Been in a lot of scary situations, babe,” he began quietly. “Been shot at, had to shoot at other people. Thought death might be around the corner on many of those occasions,” he continued, his eyes never leaving mine.
My heart started pounding under his hand, the image of Asher getting shot at causing more panic than the breath that had been stolen from me moments before.
“I’ve never been more afraid than just then, waking up to see you not being able to fuckin’ breathe. Not knowing what was going on, or how to help you. Thinking you were going to fucking die, right in front of me. Not being able to do a fuckin’ thing. I’d take bullets over that any day,” he declared hotly. His hand moved to my jaw. “Me watching it was scary as shit. You experiencing it, fuck, flower.” He actually grimaced, shaking his head. He was silent for a moment, looking down at my hand which was loosely grasping my inhaler. His own moved to cover it before he met my eyes once more. I almost flinched at the tortured look in his usually strong gaze. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked softly.
I shrugged. “Well, we haven’t exactly had much time to get to know the details of each other’s lives, if you haven’t noticed,” I pointed out, taking another puff of my inhaler.
Asher’s jaw went hard. “We’ve had two weeks of getting to know details,” he clipped, staring at my inhaler. “That’s a pretty important detail, Lily. Especially when you’re dancing on goddamned tables, and drinking yourself into the ground….” he paused, grimacing. “Jesus, letting me fuck you like that….” he trailed off sounding disgusted in himself.
My stomach dropped. “That….” I whispered hoarsely, “that right there, is why I didn’t tell you. It’s not … sexy. This….” I waved the inhaler, “I don’t want you treating me like glass. I like that you treat me like I won’t break, I never want you to look at me like you are now. Like I’m weak,” I whispered. I’d already had enough things that crippled me, my shyness, my inability to be bad ass in scary situations like Gwen and Amy, my utter normalcy. “I don’t want you to see me like I’m some weak flower, some damsel needing to be rescued. Someone you need to take care of. I’m not that. I don’t want to be your burden,” I continued, voicing my worst fear.
Asher’s whole body stilled, and his jaw turned tight. He didn’t say a word. Not for a long while.
“You’re angry,” I observed after I couldn’t stand the silence any longer.
“Not angry, just thinking,” he replied tightly.
“Thinking about being angry,” I clarified.
His face softened. “No, Lily. Just thinking. About how I can educate you on how amazing and how far from weak you are. How I can make you see you’re special. How I can make you understand that there’s nothing that can make me think otherwise,” he murmured. “How you’re not a delicate flower, but the most beautiful, most resilient woman I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. A flower that gets trampled on by life, but somehow manages to emerge, unbruised, and more beautiful than ever after it.” He cupped my face. “You don’t need anyone to take care of you. I want to. It’s a privilege to be given a beautiful flower to nurture, to protect.”
The breath left me, but this time in a good way.
“I’m coming to the conclusion there’s not much I can say. Not right now anyway,” he continued. “I don’t think it’s about me saying anything. I think it’s about showing you. Every single day. Starting tomorrow,” he stated.
He moved so his back was against the wall, and I was buried in his chest once more. “That’s tomorrow. Which you need rest for. Now you sleep,” he ordered firmly.
Usually, I didn’t sleep, not after an attack. I’d lie awake terrified for hours, trying to remind myself breath was coming easy, my mind taunting me with how easy that could change. I prepared for that. To my utter surprise, I let sleep claim me, encircled in Asher’s arms.