I couldn’t sleep in an empty house that night, and without any word from Cade, my mood was definitely down. I tossed and turned all night, dozed off about four, then woke late. After cleaning the entire house, I looked out at the beautiful weather and decided not to let my black mood ruin a sunny day. So I mixed up a batch of margaritas, put on my bikini and decided to get a tan and get drunk. I wasn’t planning on doing it alone, but Amy wasn’t answering my texts or phone calls so I guessed she was still busy, that guy had stamina.
So here I was, drinking on my own, trying to focus on the fact I was alive and healthy, not a sad, single, most likely alcohol dependent spinster. The ring tone of my phone interrupted my song and I looked at the display and gave a small smile.
“Alex!” I greeted one of my best friends with false brightness, not wanting him to be concerned about my mental state.
“Gwen,” he rumbled, a classic man greeting. “What’s wrong?”
No nonsense, this guy knew me too well. Unfortunately I hadn’t gotten around to telling him about Cade. Okay I purposefully didn’t tell him. Alex was almost as protective over me as my brother, especially after my suicide attempt. Knowing I was involved with yet another biker would not help settle his mind.
“Nothing,” I chirped. “Just had a late night last night, didn’t get much sleep.” I went for half-truth, I hated lying to my friend.
“Doesn’t sound like nothing,” he persisted.
“Promise, it’s just lack of sleep. Now seriously let’s not talk about me, I’m sick of it,” I joked. “How are you? How’s Ryan? How’s my city?”
I heard Alex’s deep chuckle down the phone. “All good babe. Ryan is missing his two partners in crime though,” he sighed. “He’s driving me crazy, can’t even handle a couple of weeks without you two. I think a visit will be in order in the not too distant future. Not only to see you, but to save my sanity,” he joked.
I let out a little squeal and clapped my hands. “You so have to come! I’ve been missing you two as well. Ryan will love our little place, and I’m sure we can find something for you to do, kill some animals or something,” I suggested.
“Animal hunting is more Ian’s territory babe,” Alex replied, making me suddenly remember Ian’s imminent visit. Not that I forgot completely, it was just pushed to the back of my mind.
“Ohmigod Alex!” I shouted.
“Jesus, Gwen, don’t pop my eardrums.”
I ignored this since people seemed to say that to me a lot and continued. “Ian’s coming to stay next week! Can you believe it? I haven’t seen him in so long, I’ve been so worried about him. Now he’s coming to stay and gets to see my new life,” I babbled, the only silver lining in mine and Cade’s breakup being I wouldn’t have to deal with Ian’s reaction.
“That’s great Gwen.” Alex didn’t sound too excited.
“Great? Are you kidding me? It’s fucking awesome!”
“Are you going to tell him?” Alex asked seriously.
I immediately knew what he was talking about and my mood plummeted.
“There is no reason to upset him Alex.” I tried not to sound angry but I was kind of pissed. We had talked about this. I didn’t want to put anyone through the trauma of what I almost did.
“He would want to know, Gwen,” Alex pushed.
“No, Alex, he wouldn’t. I couldn’t put him through knowing that I was ready to check out because I couldn’t handle living anymore.” I took a breath, Alex was silent down the phone, so I continued.
“He already has to live with the image of me in that hospital bed, he still somehow blames himself, knowing that I wanted to kill myself is not something I’m going to put on him, Alex. Christ, I hate that you have to have it on your shoulders.”
“Not a burden Gwen,” Alex said quietly. “Not when I know you’re living, laughing again.”
I smiled down the phone.
“Not a burden,” he repeated.
“Please just accept that I won’t tell Ian?”
He paused. “Okay, Gwen, it’s your choice.”
I breathed a sigh of relief at his response, then quickly changed the subject. We chatted for a couple of minutes more, then said our goodbyes, with Alex promising he and Ryan would be down as soon as they could.
I blasted my music back up and continued to suck down my margarita. After an hour or so, I decided the combination of hot sun and a heavy hand with tequila was not a good idea. I was tipsy, well on my way to smashed, and getting smashed on my own was not healthy in the least. So I got up, planning on getting some food and gulping down some water to sober myself up. Headphones still in my ears, I looked up to see a figure standing on the back porch. I screamed, my glass went flying, smashing against the tile. Shit we’re not going to have any glasses left if people keep sneaking up on me. My vision focused, Amy was wearing a barely there bikini, her mouth was moving as she walked towards me.
“I can’t hear you!” I yelled while I pulled my headphones out.
She approached me, carefully stepping past the broken glass. “I said, watch the fricking margarita glasses! Those are our most important kitchen item!” she declared hugging me.
I glared back at her. “And where have you been you dirty slut?” I accused, only slurring my words slightly, and waiting for the graphic details of her ‘fuckfest’. That girl left nothing out when filling me in on her sex life. She got a weird look on her face that I couldn’t decipher in my almost inebriated state.
“Let me get you another drink and I’ll fill you in.”
I watched as she drained her full glass, raising an eyebrow.
“What?” she asked defensively.
“I have to catch up, you’re three sheets to the wind already you alcoholic!”
I gasped in mock offense. “I am not an alcoholic! Me and alcohol just enjoy a very close relationship.”