Because I did love her. It resonated so deep that I felt it vibrating. I loved Juno Dennard, and I wanted her. I had wanted her even when I was angry. I had been furious that the universe could bring us together only so that it could tear us apart yet again.
“What do I do?” I ask Bailey. She’s Juno’s best friend, and probably a good place to start.
“I would start with an apology. A big one. Ginormous. Colossal. Huge.”
“Yeah. But I doubt that will be enough.”
She hesitates. “As much as I want to put your balls through a fucking meat grinder for hurting Juno, she was happy with you. And even though this was a fuck-up the size of Mars, it was a mistake. Juno knows what a snake that Taylor is. I can’t promise that it will be enough, but it’s worth a shot.”
She finishes packing the clothes that she came for. “Good luck, Malcolm.”
It sounds like she actually means it. As soon as she leaves, I start to think. Because I have a lot to make up for.
20
Juno
I’m eating cereal in the dining hall again. I shouldn’t be, but I’ve found myself seeking out comfort food more often than not these last few days. Focusing has been beyond my reach, and I can feel my grip slipping on everything.
My homework has been bad. I only got a passing grade on my most recent test, and I hate it. None of this was in my plans. I don’t even know who I am right now. I’m not the girl who lets a man affect her this way.
I have goals, and those goals aren’t dependent on who I’m sleeping with. I need to get my shit together and pull myself out of this funk. But every time I close my eyes, I hear Malcolm’s voice saying, You are nothing.
You are nothing.
It haunts me and I can’t sleep. I can’t breathe. Bailey has been amazing, getting my things and making sure that I’m going to my classes, but she can’t live my life for me. I have to do that, no matter how painful all of this is.
I haven’t even gone to student services again to see about getting another room, and Bailey has gone back to Granite House to get me more clothes, but I can go tomorrow. I need to take back control.
You are nothing.
My chest aches with the memory.
I’m honestly not sure how I managed to let him in so deeply. Because it feels like Malcolm is a part of me now, and that prying us apart is like pulling bread away from peanut butter. There will always be bits of him that were tangled with me now.
“Well, if it isn’t Juno Dennard.” Melody slips into the seat across from me, looking as glamorous as ever. Her normal group of friends from Tri Delta surround me at my table to. Taylor’s here, standing right behind her sister, smirking like the devil.
“Hi, Melody.”
“You’re not looking so good, Juno,” she says. “I heard you were kicked out of Granite House.”
I’m not wearing make-up, and I know I don’t look the way they look. But I’ve never looked the way that they looked. It’s just not a part of who I am. I don’t contradict her. Technically I did get kicked out of the house, but that’s none of her business.
“Is it cause they got tired of you?” One of the girls beside me asks.
“What?”
Melody smiles, and in this moment, I can’t believe that I ever wanted to be a part of her group. Her smile is poisonous. “The guys. It hasn’t even been a month and everyone knows that Juno Dennard is the live-in slut of Granite House.”
I shake my head. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
A voice to my left. “Jack told us all about it. How you get passed around from bed to bed, as many as you can in one night and by the end you’re so covered in cum that you’re dripping.”
Horror spears through me. I’m sure that’s what Jack would say. “Jack doesn’t live in the house anymore,” I say. “He doesn’t know anything.”
“Oh,” Melody says, “but you don’t live in the house anymore either. Is that because they fucked you so much that your pussy isn’t tight enough for them anymore?”
“Tri Delta doesn’t accept sluts,” a fourth girl says.
“I didn’t send you in there to fuck Malcolm and his merry band of men, Juno. I sent you in there with a very simple task. Sleep in the house overnight and get proof. You certainly did the one.”
“I—” What do I even say to that? My face flushes hot with a blush. They’re going to believe what they want to believe, and there’s nothing I can say that will contradict them.
The redhead next to me puts her hand on my shoulder. “If you want, we can help you find a new frat to be a hole for. You seem really sad without having a bunch of faceless cocks to fuck, and we really just want you to be happy, Juno.”