“Are you drunk?” I ask, rage suddenly filling me. I thought that he was different. That he understood who I was and what I stood for. Not once since I met him has he showed any interest in alcohol. Now this? Is there something darker that I don’t know about him?
He laughs. Dark and slow. “You know, Juno, I wish that I were drunk right now. I really do. But I keep my fucking promises, and so even though this bottle of whiskey is damn tempting, I’m stone cold sober.”
“Then what—”
“I’m tired. I’m pissed. I’m more miserable than I’ve ever been in my fucking life.”
I blink. What the fuck did I miss. “Oh my god, Malcolm, what happened?”
Taking a step forward he makes a sound that’s nearly a growl, and in the darkness surrounding the house, it’s terrifying. “Don’t you dare come closer to me,” he says. “You’re a fraud, and I wish that I had never met you.”
“What?” My head is spinning. I don’t have any idea what’s going on. Last night was perfect, and we haven’t spoken today. What changed? What happened? “I don’t understand.”
“You need to get out of this house, Juno.”
“Malcolm, please, talk to me. I don’t understand what’s happening.”
“Get. Out. Now.”
My heart is pounding and I’m dizzy. I feel like the ground is falling out from underneath me. “What about our deal. We agreed on a month. We’re not there yet.”
It’s a last-ditch effort to get him to tell me something, anything. But I already know that he won’t. Whatever this is, he’s decided.
“I don’t want you here. Anywhere near me.”
“Where do you want me to go, Malcolm? You brought me here. You forced me to give up my place on campus so that I would be yours. Your little toy. And now that you’ve gotten tired of me, you just want to throw me out onto the street?”
“I made a mistake,” he says, and he does sound tired. Exhausted. And in spite of the fact that he’s ripping out my heart, I want to wrap my arms around him and hold him. “I never should have let you into this house. You are nothing.”
The words take the air from my lungs.
Malcolm’s shoulders sag. “You can stay until you find a place to stay, but you have to get the hell out.”
Tears flood my eyes, it all hitting me at once. “You don’t have to tell me twice,” I say. I can’t walk past him and up to my room where we’ve spent time together. I can’t do it. I turn and walk out of the house into the night, and there’s only one place that I can think to go.
I can’t stop crying, and when Bailey opens her door, I’m a mess. She doesn’t even hesitate before pulling me inside and wrapping me in the tightest of hugs.
18
Juno
I don’t speak for a long time. I can only cry, and to her credit, Bailey doesn’t push me for the details of what happened. It’s not even clear to me what happened. All of a sudden everything that I thought was so sure is gone, and I have no fucking clue why. What the fuck?
When I can finally take a breath without moaning in agony, Bailey hands me a glass of water. “What the fuck happened in the last hour?” she asks.
“I don’t know.”
“Juno, I love you, but you’ve got to help me out here.”
I swallow. “I went home and the whole house was dark. I thought it was weird, so I called Malcolm and he was there. Alone. He kicked me out of the house. Said some terrible things about me being a fraud and that he couldn’t believe that he’d ever let someone like me into his life. I don’t understand what I did. And he wouldn’t tell me.”
“He just kicked you out?” she gasps.
“I mean,” I sniff, “he said I could stay there until I found a new room, but I couldn’t stay there and have him look at me like that. What the fuck, Bailey?”
She stands. “Okay. We need ice cream and movies. Are you okay if I run to the store? Ten minutes max and then we’re going to have the best cliché break-up sleepover in the history of movies.”
I laugh once. “Sure, I guess.”
“Borrow some pajamas and be in them by the time that I get back. And drink that water.”
“Fine.” I don’t have the energy to argue with her. The second she leaves I crumble into tears again. Why do I feel this way? This is more than hurtful words. This feels like my soul has been separated from my body and is being smashed on the ground repeatedly.
But why?
The answer slams into me, and I don’t want to believe it. It’s the thing that Malcolm only hinted at but I tried to ignore it. That I cared about him. More than that. Impossibly, I started to fall in love with him. Already. I don’t think I tried to, it just happened.