“It’s not a wash,” Chance said then. “You got the info we came for.”
“That would help if I remembered any of it,” I muttered.
“I’ll fill you in.”
He did.
As it turned out, the Dohan had taken Shannon because they wanted Sheol to change. They wanted greater access to the human realm due to their particular appetites. Demon blood permitted them to survive, but it was like eating wheatgrass when you wanted chocolate cake. The Drinkers had thought if they brought my best friend here, I would follow. And then the queen would ascend, taking her place ruling over the castes, and she would regulate gate use, as she had done in ages past. Being the favored children who had been instrumental in drawing her back to Sheol, they would, of course, benefit from her triumphant return.
“At least,” Chance went on, “that was the initial plan. But the Hazo threw a wrench in the works.”
“Yeah, I was wondering why they gave Shannon away.” I wrapped my arms around him, desperate to warm the chill inside me. “I mean, maybe they just wanted to get me here and they didn’t care what happened to her after that. And so they gave her to the Hazo to play with?”
The tears came. I felt so weak right then, so broken. It seemed like it’d be par for the course if Shan was suffering in my stead, if Caim tortured her with all the anger I’d instilled. He couldn’t expect to get revenge on the demon queen, after all.
“That’s not why.” He stroked my back in soothing strokes while I cried. I’d never done it gracefully or prettily, but we were so far past any of that at this point.
“Then tell me!”
“Apparently there was some old debt between the castes. The Hazo demanded Shannon in payment.”
“Because Caim wanted to be sure he got to see me again,” I said bitterly.
“That’s what Azon thinks anyway.”
I nodded and managed to stop the waterworks. “We have unfinished business. But I wonder why the Dohan kept her in the Barrens instead of bringing her here.”
Chance smiled, but it was a little unnerving, full of love, but also…fear. “She asked that question too.”
The bile rose again. This time I couldn’t stop it. I puked into a decorative urn. He didn’t approach me, a fact for which I felt thankful. Afterward, I staggered to the bathroom and rinsed my mouth repeatedly. Above the basin, I stared at the woman in the mirror. She had dyed red hair with tawny streaks and a pale, thin face. Below her eyes, she had deep bruises, as if she hadn’t slept in weeks. This looked like a woman on the edge, as if she were about to break for the last time. And maybe I wouldn’t have minded so much if the final fracture didn’t mean losing myself forever.
“Tell me the truth,” I said, coming to the lavatory threshold. “Are you hanging in because you promised you would? Because you don’t want to let me down?”
He laughed softly. “Do you think I’m the kind of guy who keeps a promise beyond all common sense?”
“Maybe.”
“Uh-uh. My mama didn’t raise a fool. I believe we can save Shannon, keep you from going all demon queen forever, and get the hell out of Dodge.”
“Nothing like dreaming big.” But his optimism was contagious. “No matter how long the odds.”
He flashed his beautiful smile. “Hey, I’m the king of long odds, baby.”
Yeah, you are. I’m not. I’m the queen of coming up snake eyes.
“That’s certainly true.”
“Once, I’m sure you would’ve said there was no way in hell you’d ever give me a second chance. Yet here we are.”
I grinned back. “In hell. Yeah, you’re a funny guy.”
The love in his tiger’s eyes wrecked me. “I’ll play the clown if it keeps you smiling. I’ll even be the queen’s jester.” There was a shadow in his face that made me wonder just what the hell had passed between him and the queen while I was locked in an airtight box in my own head.
“Don’t say that.”
“Can’t help it,” he whispered. “Haven’t you figured it out yet? There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
Hearing that should have felt amazing. I should’ve been on top of the world and flinging myself into his arms. Instead, a chill ran down my spine. Don’t love me like that, I wanted to scream at him. It’s not safe. It’s not wise.
“Something’s different,” I said. “What did she say to you?”
Before Chance could reply, Greydusk tapped on the door.
“Come in,” I called.
It wasn’t until after I spoke that I realized I shouldn’t have known. But I felt him, as if his essence were bonded to mine…like a queen who monitored her minions. The realization sickened me. Her dark tendrils sank deep into my spirit, undercutting my personality and resolve. Soon there would be nothing but echoes where Corine Solomon had been.
“You’re human again.” Disappointment flavored the demon’s tone, and that rocked me.
I had started counting on Greydusk as a true ally, but he served me only because he wanted the dark queen’s favor when she ascended. Destroying me. That meant Greydusk wasn’t mine. He was hers. Much more of this and I’d go crazy.
“If I said I’ll stay, after we save Shannon, how would you feel?”
“Relieved,” Greydusk said at once. “Sheol needs you.”
“Needs her, you mean.”
The demon gave me a unsettling, toothy smile. “That’s semantics, Binder. At this point, you’re as much hers as your own.”
Unwelcome truth, but he was correct. I’m losing this fight.
I glanced at Chance; he was meant for brighter, better things. I wished he hadn’t come back for me with his healed spirit and his grand gesture, ready to love me like I deserved. I wished I’d had the courage to send him away in Laredo, but I had been so hurt that I couldn’t bear the thought of being alone. And now my weakness might destroy him too. With a deep breath, I firmed my faltering resolve.
“Well, guys, how do we deal with the Hazo?”
Best-Laid Plans
“The first question you must ask, Binder, is what Caim wants of you.”
Once, I’d have said revenge. No question. But I’d realized that demons didn’t always react as I expected. I had friends where I’d anticipated persecution and hidden enemies who didn’t dare move openly against me, in case I did ascend. Beyond that, a faction had been spying on me for reasons I didn’t understand, and now I was inside their compound.
“I have no idea,” I admitted after a moment’s thought.
“Would you like me to present a likely theory?” Greydusk asked.
“Go for it.”
“Given what you told me of your prior interaction, Caim is worried that the Hazo will suffer for his role in that debacle. Though he had little control over what the caster forced him to do, the queen is not known for being reasonable or forgiving. I believe he wishes to present your friend as a gift. Amends, if you will.”
“Seriously?” After all this, could it be that easy?
We could walk up to the front gate and get her back? Every nerve in my body insisted that was bullshit. Caim would know I wasn’t the queen—unless I let her drive. Again. I recoiled from the thought, but I wondered if it even mattered now.
It doesn’t have to be like that, the queen whispered. We could bond. Some of me, enough to convince them. And some of you, so you don’t lose everything. It’s a fair deal, your most likely chance of survival.
I stilled. Why would you offer that? Aren’t you going to wipe me out?
There’s a small chance you could win. Smother me forever. This way, I don’t lose everything. It’s a limited-time offer, human. Don’t think about it too long.
When I looked up again, I found Chance and Greydusk regarding me with an odd expression. “Did I zone?”
“For ten minutes,” Chance answered.
“You were with her last night.” Not a question.
But he nodded as if it had been.
“Did she hurt you?”
He replied carefully. “Hurt is the wrong word.”
“Pick the right one.”
Chance cast a nervous glance at Greydusk. He didn’t want to talk about this in front of the demon.
I responded to the cue. “Could you give us a few minutes? I’ll know what I intend to do by then. Go make the arrangements to get us out of here. If Azon asks for another audience, tell him he risks pissing me off.”
The demon inclined his head and backed from the room. Good. He respects you, the queen said with satisfaction. You have made a good beginning even with all the bumbling, human. Your court will not be such a wretched thing after all.
“You said she didn’t hurt you, but…” He was clearly holding something back.
“I don’t have much self-control. She does this thing with her magick, and I respond. I stop being me. Stop caring about anything but pleasing her.”
God, but it was weird hearing that. Because she was me, essentially, and I hated knowing I’d done that to him. “Are you all right?”
He nodded. “I was glad when she passed out. It took more power than she expected to subjugate me.”
“Why?”
Chance hesitated. And then he told me his deepest secret, a truth his mom hadn’t shared. When he finished his quiet summary, I sat back, eyes wide. Greydusk had known Chance carried divine blood, I thought. But I’d imagined he was fucking with us.
“Wow,” I breathed. “Does that change everything?”
“Like what?”
“I dunno, how about your whole worldview?”
Chance lifted a shoulder in a bewildered shrug. “It explains my luck, but I don’t feel any different. I’m still my mother’s son. She’s the one who gave up everything to see me raised right.”
That was why I’d fallen in love with him in the first place. I couldn’t imagine any other guy finding out he was a demigod and not having it impact his self-esteem. But Chance had always been confident, solid in his sense of self. Once I found that certainty comforting…and then upsetting because I couldn’t match it.
“Are you going to try to contact him?”
“If he’d wanted to be part of my life, he would’ve been.”
I smiled up at him. “This takes the deadbeat dad thing to new levels, huh?”
“God, I want you.” The fervor came from nowhere, at least from my perspective, until I remembered that the demon queen had tormented him last night, wearing my face.
I regretted that, but there wasn’t time to rectify the situation.
And why not? she asked. Anything of import waits on our pleasure.
There was seduction—and evil—in such complete self-absorption. I fought her lazy desire, rolling over me in waves. When I made love with Chance again, it would be because we both wanted it more than anything—with no help from outside stimulation. Something about Sheol stirred his sex drive, making him more primitive, and she didn’t help with her teasing.