“We should save the smaller ones for travel. Eat some of this stuff now.”
“‘Creamed corn,’” I read aloud.
His pale eyes flickered. “How do you know that?”
“I can read, some. Not as well as Fade.”
Stalker stared at me, and then he asked, “What does that mean?”
How could he not know? And then I remembered how he’d come up, no Breeders to teach him anything at all. The only things he knew, he’d learned the hard way. Nobody like Stone had shown him anything or made sure he showed up for basic brat training. It was a wonder he could talk, let alone read.
“The letters here,” I pointed. “They spell out what’s inside the tin. I don’t know what ‘corn’ is, but I’m hungry enough to eat almost anything.”
I got out my tiny knife with all its funny blades. One of them punctured the tin, so I did it repeatedly, until I could pry the top off. I peered inside at the yellow goo. Stalker cocked his head and sniffed.
“Doesn’t smell bad.”
My fingers were clean enough from the pond that I dipped them in and tasted. Sweet. Not like the cherries, in a different way, but good. Following my example, he gave it a try too. I ate until I didn’t want anymore and then got out some of the bottled water we’d found. So far I hadn’t tried drinking it; I’d only washed off in it. But we didn’t have any choice now. I cracked the bottle open and took a drink. It tasted funny, but not dirty. I made myself down half of it, then I offered it to him.
“It’s not very good, but I think it’s clean.”
He took it, leveling a strange look on me. I realized he wasn’t used to the idea of sharing. What he wanted, he took. But it didn’t work like that, now. And he had to understand that.
I narrowed my eyes. “You realize, you’re not in charge. You never will be. Fade thinks your blades will come in handy on the trip and he’s probably right. But if you try to hurt any one of us, especially Tegan, it’ll be the last thing you ever do.”
His pale eyes narrowed, drawing up his scarred cheeks. “Don’t threaten me.”
“It’s not a threat,” Fade said, coming up behind me. “It’s the truth.”
Tegan growled low in her throat. “He can’t change. We should just kill him.”
“There’s been enough killing.” Fade put a hand on her arm. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep an eye on him. He won’t hurt you.”
Part of me didn’t like the new additions to our group. I missed when it was just Fade and me against the world, even as I acknowledged we needed the help. There was no telling how far we had to go. He hadn’t found any maps in the library, showing us the route. We only had his dad’s stories and the hope we might get out of these ruins if we walked far enough. Right now it seemed impossible.
We lived in a dead world. The idea if we went far enough, we might find living people, who had fires and homes and food to eat—I might as well wish for those pale, lovely winged people to come down from the stars and take us there, as long as I was hoping for things beyond my reach. But giving up wasn’t an option either. I’d put my faith in Fade’s sire, and the fact that his stories must be true.
“Have some creamed corn.” I passed the huge tin to her, and she smelled it, much as Stalker had done. It would doubtless make her mad to find out she had anything in common with him. “It’s better than it looks.”
If the water had been bad, I would know soon. Stomach pains, coupled with quick eruption, marked the dirty disease. So far, so good. I missed proper baths with soap, but the clumsy cleanup at the pond would have to do. All things considered, it was a small complaint.
Shouldering my bag, I found a dark corner and rolled up in my blanket. Tegan lay down on my other side; she still had my club, I noticed. She kept one hand on it even as she fell asleep. Fade put his body between Stalker and us. He didn’t seem to care.
No harm came to us while we slept. I woke first, roused by the noise Tegan was making in her sleep. I put my hand on her shoulder and she came up swinging. She landed a solid punch to my face before she realized who I was. I rubbed my cheek and smiled at her.
“That’ll teach me to wake you up.”
“Sorry.”
“Sounded like you were having a bad dream.”
Her gaze cut over to Stalker. “You could say that.”
“About him?”
“Well. No. But about what he let his Wolves do to me.”
“I thought you said he took all females first.”
“Not if someone else brought the girl in. He had the right to claim anyone he wanted, but he was usually generous.” Her anger sizzled. “He made an exception to that rule when you showed up.”
“You blame him for not helping you.”
“Of course I do! He was in charge—they listened to him. If he’d asked them to stop or leave me alone, they would have.”
“Can you fight?” Stalker demanded from the other side of Fade. I hadn’t realized he was awake, but she wasn’t being quiet, either. “Hunt? Can you make clothes or any other useful item?”
Tegan glared at him. “No!”
“Then as far as I can see, you’re only good for breeding. My job was to keep the cubs together. Keep them hunting as a pack,” Stalker said. He sat up and ran a hand through his fair hair. Like Pearl’s it shone brighter when the sun hit it, and it stood in unruly spikes. “I did that. Better than anybody had before.”
“And then you left them to die, because you were afraid to go back alone.”
Stalker lunged for her then, but Fade slammed up an arm and gave him a shake. “Shut up, both of you.”
I listened for signs there might be something coming for us. But I heard only the moan of the wind through the halls. After pushing to my feet, I put away my blanket and took up my pack.
“This can go only one way,” I said. “The two of you have to forget what came before.” At Tegan’s black scowl, I held up a hand. “If you don’t, we won’t make it. You think it’s easy for me? I could be safe and warm right now in my own pallet in my own space with nothing more to worry about than following orders.
“Instead I’m here, where day by day, I don’t know if I’ll have food to eat or a place to sleep, if I’ll wake up with something trying to kill me. It’s hard. And it will get harder, the farther we get from known territory. We have no idea what’s out there. None. And either you’re ready to start over … or you’re not. No more of this. If I didn’t let go of what I’ve lost, I’d go crazy. I suggest you two do the same.”
Angrily, I unfastened my shirt. I slipped my arm free of the sleeve and studied the bite. I should have tended it last night, but I’d just been so tired. The skin was purple around the wound, and the flesh was ragged and puffy. I couldn’t tell how bad it might get. I dumped some water on it, smeared it off and then dug in my bag looking for the salve. It smelled no better than when Banner first gave it to me, still sticky and awful, and it burned like fire as it sank into my skin. I hissed, my eyes watering, and unaccountably, longing for home swept over me.
The Freaks might’ve taken College by now, if they’d refused to listen to our warnings. I’d never know what became of Stone and Thimble, and the uncertainty ate at me like the ointment on my wound. I didn’t bother to wrap it, just pulled my sleeve back up. It hurt for a good long while, reminding me of Bonesaw’s treatments. As Silk used to say, What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. The Wordkeeper had a book of sayings like that, written by one man, a really wise one, I guess. I couldn’t remember his name.
Sighing, I ate some more of the creamed corn and opened another tin. It smelled like meat, chopped up, with some other stuff in it. With a mental shrug, I ate some of that too. I drank some water and then passed the bottle around. The others were packing their things when I headed out of the kitchen toward the doors.
Darkness fell over me like a balm, cool wind carrying the hint of rain. I hoped it would hold off. I hadn’t enjoyed our first night aboveground with the water lashing my skin in stinging needles. I felt a little warm still and my face hurt, not just from Tegan’s punch. That would definitely bruise, though; she had a good solid swing.
Stalker caught up with me on the stairs. The shadows made him less fearsome, softening the scars and the paint. I noticed that hadn’t worn off, despite washing, which intrigued me.
“I will if she will,” he said.
“What?”
“Start over. I did what I had to with the Wolves. But things are different now. And I can accept that. I understand I’m not in charge.”
I considered his words. In that way he was like me; he could flow as needed in order to survive. It was different from brute force, but I recognized it as strength.
“Nobody is, really. We have to work together.”
He nodded and moved on, apparently considering the subject closed. “What do your scars mean?”
At first I didn’t know how he’d seen them and then I realized. He must’ve watched me taking care of my arm. “They mean I used to be a Huntress.” At his look, I added, “Remember how I said if I was strong enough or brave enough, I’d fight the Freaks for the rest of the enclave?” He nodded. “That’s what they mean.”
“So they’re a sign you protect people,” he said. “Fade has them too.”
“He has more marks now.” I spoke the words without accusation. Since I’d asked them to do it, I had to let the past go too.
“I guess he does.”
I surprised myself by asking, “What do yours mean? And the paint?”
“It’s not paint,” he said. “It’s ink.”
“Like they used in books?” My brow furrowed.
“Kind of. We do it with needles along the line of the scar. It marks our rank.”
I had been right about that much at least. “Did it hurt?”
“Yes. Did yours?”
I wasn’t about to tell him that I’d cried when they put the white-hot blade to my skin. But I admitted, “A lot.”
Before he could answer, the others joined us.
Fade cast a glance between us, as if wondering what we’d been talking about, but otherwise he was all business. “We should find the river again, and follow it north as long as we can. We’ll need the water to boil and drink. There should be fish too, and we can hunt along the way when the tins run out.”
That sounded like a good plan. I tugged the extra fabric up over my head as the wind kicked up. It carried a whisper of water, spattering us. The chill intensified. Though the days were warm, the nights were cold.
“Before we leave the ruins, we should look for warmer clothes,” Tegan said.
I agreed. “I’m sure we’ll pass more shops.”
Fade hadn’t talked to me much since yesterday. He was taking Pearl’s death hard, much as he had Banner’s. It made me angry. He didn’t understand the tenet: “The dead are past saving.” You could miss someone, but it did no good to fixate on loss. I wished I had the ready words of a Breeder or the ability to comfort with a soft touch. I didn’t. Instead I had daggers and determination.