“Yes.” He stood up, not caring in the slightest.
“Please, I have attacks.” I took a deep breath, feeling the walls close in again. “I panic at times. I can’t breathe. This is making me—”
“Enough,” he interrupted.
My heart beat so hard against my chest that I was positive I could die from the hysteria overwhelming me. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t breathe! I did everything I could to pull the collar away, but the more I struggled, the worse it seemed to get. The rough edges were rubbing my skin raw as I pushed and pulled.
I got up and walked to the mirror to see if I could find a latch to remove the restraint. The heavy chain of the leash dragging behind me only pulled at the collar more. When I saw my reflection in the mirror, the contrast of the dark metal with sparkling diamonds to my white skin made my awful situation even more of a reality. Staring back at me was nothing but a pet, collared, chained, captive.
Spinning to look at Eddie, I said, “I can’t breathe! This collar is too tight. I can’t breathe.”
No response.
“Please! I swear to you that I’ll be good. I’ll be good and never give you an issue again. Just please remove the collar. I can’t stand it.” Damn these fucking panic attacks. “I don’t need to be in a collar to be your pet. Can’t the tail be enough? I’ll fucking crawl on hands and knees all night if that helps. Just take off this collar.”
No response.
My chest constricted, and I wheezed with all my might to take in some air. I would suffocate. I would die. I would fucking die right in this damn room right before his eyes if he didn’t help me.
Crumpling down to the floor, I pulled my knees to my chest and allowed the tears to fall. With my fingers in between the metal and my neck, I slowly managed to calm myself just enough to know I wasn’t going to die like I thought only seconds before. But maybe I wanted to. Maybe I wanted to die so I didn’t have to endure this humiliation any longer.
I was so lost in my misery that I didn’t hear Eddie approach me. I had actually forgotten he was even in the room.
Looking up at him with tears streaming down my face, I begged, “Please, Eddie. I don’t do well in tight spaces, and I can’t survive with something so tight around my neck.”
“Claustrophobia?” he asked.
“Call it what you want,” I choked out. “I beg you to please remove it.” I pulled at the collar to emphasize my appeal.
He knelt down beside me and looked me straight in the eyes. “Look at me and take slow, deep breaths.” He placed his fingertip on my cheek and stroked softly. “Calm down. You’re going to be just fine.”
I shook my head. “No, I can’t breathe.”
He moved his fingertip and gently ran it along the collar where it met my neck. He dipped his finger between the metal and flesh and said, “There is plenty of room. It’s all in your head. You can breathe.”
“No,” I wheezed, continuing to cry. “Please.”
He removed his hand from the collar and placed it on my head. Slowly he stroked his fingers through my hair, never taking his eyes away from mine. “Shhh… just calm down. Calm down. Once you are calm, you’ll see that the collar is giving you plenty of room to breathe.”
“Why can’t you take it off? Please!”
He shook his head. “I told you there is a party tonight. I can’t arrive with a pet and no collar. My pet has to be the best in the room.”
“I’ll do anything,” I gasped, although I did seem to be breathing better as the moments passed. His gentle touch and petting of my hair did ease some of my distress.
“Deep breaths,” he continued. “Breathe in, breathe out.”
I followed his command and did my best to regain control of my body.
“That’s a good pet,” he praised. “One breath at a time.” He continued to stroke my sweaty hair. “You’re going to be just fine.”
Would I be? How could I be just fine ever again?
“I hate it,” I cried. “Why are you so cruel? How can you be so cruel to another human being? I may be your prisoner, but I’m still a woman.”
He nodded. “I know.”
“So why do you do this?”
“I warned you.”
“Do I deserve to be treated like an animal?” I asked. It appeared that my words did make a difference, but I also got the sense that there was no use trying to convince Eddie to go against whatever twisted and dark plan he had.
Eddie placed both palms on each side of my face and forced me to stare directly into his eyes. “You need to behave. Tonight’s party will start soon. You don’t want to know what happens to pets who disobey, and I promise you that this collar will be minor in comparison. Behave. Do you understand me? You have nothing to prove. You’ll lose.”