The message beeps.
My head gets it—I’m supposed to take care of Kay, not picture her naked in my bed.
But my body—my body is whining for more of her in that sweet sundress.
Maybe Ryan was right.
These blue balls aren’t helping any.
This isn’t what I want to do.
But it’s a lot better than crossing the line.
Chapter Eleven
Kaylee
Damn, I’m tired. My back is tight. My arms are aching. My legs are trembling.
I collapse on the bed—my bed. It’s a simple white frame, a cheap but comfy mattress, white sheets.
I stretch out like a snow angel. Try to breathe deep, something to soothe my sore muscles. It doesn’t help.
Am I this out of shape?
Or is Brendon that fit?
We’ve been working to unpack and put together furniture all afternoon. And it was mostly him. And now he’s heading to the gym to lift more heavy things.
How the hell does he have any energy left?
Maybe it’s me. That’s another side effect. Fatigue.
Only it’s also a side effect of my medication.
Do other teenagers feel this heavy all the time?
Are they always wondering if what they’re feeling is them or their medications?
Normal is a lost cause. Usually, that doesn’t bother me. After all, Emma isn’t anywhere near normal. Brendon isn’t either. Grandma is a weirdo. My parents, they aren’t quite on Grandma’s level, but they have their moments.
I just… I want to fit in somewhere. Me. All of me and not just the parts I show everyone.
I want someone to love me, all of me.
Or at least see all of me.
I do a good job keeping up appearances, convincing everyone I have my act together, that everything is okay.
And, mostly, everything is okay. I’m not having an episode. I’m not struggling to drag myself out of bed. I’m not thinking about hurting myself.
I am not happy, not exactly, but I’m okay.
I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. It’s still dotted with plastic stars. They’re Brendon’s. This used to be his room.
They suit him. Specks of brightness that only come out in the dark. That only reveal themselves to people who are patient enough to wait until the lights are off.
I let myself drift into a half sleep and wake to Emma walking through the open door.
She sits on the bed next to me and tugs at the sheets. “I hope you’re not naked under there.”
“Would you actually care?”
Emma laughs the way she always does, with her entire body. “No. Of course not. I don’t want you embarrassed all night. Not with the plans I have for us.”
I groan. “Everything hurts.”
“Everything? Even your pinkie?”
I nod.
“How about your ass?”
“What?”
She lies on her side, next to me. “Don’t worry. I’m planning an epic housewarming party for you. But not tonight.”
My exhale is heavier than I mean it to be.
Which only makes Em laugh. “It’s at the shop. We’ll have snacks. Well, in the lobby. Ryan and Brendon were very clear about their no food near the chairs policy.”
“You talked to Ryan to make this happen?”
“That’s how much I love you.” She props herself up on one elbow. “I didn’t invite anyone else, but I can. If you want.”
No. I don’t want. “That’s plenty of party.” It’s small enough, and filled with enough people I like, that I might enjoy it without three shots.
Emma’s expression gets sincere. “You can tell me if you hate the idea.”
“No. It’s sweet. I’m just—”
“Don’t worry. Tonight’s plans only require your ass.” She doesn’t give me a chance to agree. She pushes off the bed and offers her hands.
I take them and let her pull me to my feet. “I didn’t know you liked me that way.”
“In your dreams.” She takes a step backward. “Disney marathon.”
My ears perk. My eyes too. I nod, yes.
Emma laughs. “See. I know how to make you happy.”
“You do.”
“We just need pancakes—”
“Chocolate chip?” I ask.
She nods. “And tea. I’ll make them. So long as you measure the chocolate chips.”
“You’re too good to me.”
“I know.”
The TV screen flickers, casting light over me and Emma. Hercules is kicking ass and taking names. Same as always.
Is there a Disney movie I don’t know like the back of my hand?
I might have a problem. Though, it’s not really my problem. It’s our problem.
Right now, I don’t care.
My stomach is full of pancakes. My brain is buzzing from the mix of sugar and tea. Everything is good.
I want more.
Even if it’s a bad idea.
I push off the couch and turn to Emma. “You want more coffee?”
She raises a brow. “You planning on starting a novel tonight?”
I laugh, but I don’t quite sell it. One day… Maybe… in a million years.
“You know I can go all night, babe.” She winks at me. “I’ll take some chocolate.”
“Your wish is my command.”
“Different movie.”
“You want to watch it next?”
“Is Brendon moody and annoying?”
“Well… Not to me. Not usually.”