“I let you down, my brother. I told you I’d protect your daughters and I feel like I’ve failed,” Liam says. “The girls… oh, how I wish you could see them. They’re beautiful and smart. They’re kind and humble. Peyton… she’s a special girl, Mason. I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you’re with her, tell her to fight. I have no doubt in my mind you miss her, but we love her and need her here. We’re not ready to let her go.”
“I don’t want to go either, Uncle Liam, but I don’t know how to stay and fight. No one is helping me. They keep calling my name and it’s like I’m being pulled to them.”
Liam sighs and takes a seat next to me. I lean into him, but can’t feel his presence. What I wouldn’t give to be held, by anyone, one more time. To feel the warmth of their body press against mine, to hear their heartbeat sound in my ear as I rest my cheek on their chest. Liam has always told me that if he likes you, he hugs you with one arm, and two means he loves you. From the day I met him, it’s always been two. His love for me has never wavered.
“Do you remember the first time we met?” I ask, knowing full well he can’t hear me. “You sat next to me at my father’s funeral and promised to watch football with me. Every weekend, for as long as I can remember, and you were home, we would make party food and invite whoever wanted to watch over to your house. Most of the time it was only us, and it was perfect. I have learned so much from you, not only where the game is concerned, but about life and my father. Hearing stories about you and him, growing up, it made me feel like I knew him better.”
“Oh Peyton,” Liam says, his voice shuddering. “You gotta pull through this, baby girl. Losing you will destroy everyone.” He bends over and continues to sob. I can’t comfort him the way Josie or Noah can. He would at least tell his dad that he’s encouraging me to fight and not giving up. It’s the others who are choosing to listen to the doctor, who I might add hasn’t come back to check on me.
Liam gets up and kneels at the altar again. “I’m not ready to say goodbye to her.”
I gasp and quickly cover my mouth as my father appears next to Liam. He’s kneeling down, with his arm draped across his back and his head resting on his shoulder. After a long beat, he turns, making eye contact with him. My father looks the same as he does in the picture I have on my bedside table, the one with his infectious smile.
“Daddy…” I whisper as I rush to him. He meets me half way and pulls me into his arms. I wish I could feel him. I wish we were both alive and able to hold each other. I have long forgotten what it feels like to be held by him.
“You’re so beautiful and grown up.”
I laugh, but it sounds more like a cry. “And you… you look like the man I remember.”
“That’s because I am. Call it a luxury.”
He sits us down, keeping his arm resting on my shoulder. He nods toward Liam. “He feels guilty.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s afraid to go see you, afraid that he’s let me down.”
“Has he?”
My father shakes his head. “Never. There was a time, back when we were teens, but I long forgave him. I don’t blame him for what he did, only wish he had confided in me before he had done it or kept in touch.”
“Things would’ve been different. You could’ve–”
“That accident was going to happen whether Liam was home or not. Thing is, he could’ve easily been in the truck with me. And then where would everyone be?”
His question gives me pause. It’s almost as if Liam leaving Josie has been the catalyst for our lives. Who knows what would have happened if he didn’t leave, where would he be right now? Or if he took Josie with him, would we have Harrison?
“Everything happens for a reason,” I mutter.
“It does. But now, you have a decision to make, Peyton. You can come with me or stay.”
“What if I want both? What if I need both?”
My father presses his lips to my forehead and sighs. “It’s only a decision you can make, but know this. I’m always here, watching over you and your sister. Missing you every day. I can’t always make my presence known, but when I do, know it’s me holding your hand or giving you a hug.”
“If I stay, how will I know you’re there with me?”